


Flickers

by untilmynextstory



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sassy Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-09-01 20:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 95,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8637622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilmynextstory/pseuds/untilmynextstory
Summary: His plan was to lay low in Bucharest while he tried to figured out who Bucky Barnes was. He didn't intend to come across someone from his past who knew him as the Winter Soldier. Despite his instincts of wanting to push her away, for her safety, Bucky realizes he doesn't have to recover alone.





	1. Her

_**Washington D.C January 2014** _

_He could taste everyone's spike in anxiety. He could see the fear making the pulse in all the men's veins spike. It was palpable even without the semi-automatics pointing at him that all the people in the room were wary of him. Yet, even with the guns trained on him aimed at vital parts of his anatomy, he knew they wouldn't pull the trigger. They never did. As much as they feared him, they were in awe of him. They needed him. Even in his confused agitated state he knew that._

_And more, he knew he could easily deflect the bullets with his left arm while using the closest body as a shield easily taking down the remaining men which happened to be a man in a white lab coat – throat crushed._

_The man was small and pudgy with a receding salt and pepper hair line. His glasses were lying next to his corpse the left lens cracked like ice kissing glass._

_The man seemed familiar to him that caused a cold dread and panic to erupt in his veins. A drill of pain exploded in his skull and as a result his metal arm lashed out and claimed its latest victim._

_When the flashing lights ebbed and his mind focused on the situation around him. He realized it was one of his doctor that he killed. The man was inspecting his arm making sure nothing was at fault._

_Now the director – leader – Pierce was inspecting him. The crow's feet around his eyes were tight as his lips were pursed in displeasure from his latest unauthorized kill. The room was silent and he kept his eyes focused in front of him. His focal point was the lock on the cell door that kept him in the cell inside this Hydra base._

_In his peripheral, he saw Pierce wave his hand, the guns dropped. "Bring in the girl." He ordered._

_Entering the room was a young woman. 5'2'' with olive skin, hourglass figure emphasized by skin tight black jeans and a white form fitting long sleeve V-neck. She had on white converses that had a skid mark on the toes on her left foot. She was wearing multiple bracelets – silver. She had a long pendent hanging from her neck. It was a tree, but the trunk was the shape of a spiral – DNA. Her thin fingers were covered in multiple rings – bands. She had a hoop in her left nostril. She had black hair that looked to be in some type of twists that made it look bulky as it rested in a ball on top of her head. It was peculiar to him._

_Her body was shaking though. He suspected fear even before he got to her face where he would be able to read anything. He was partially right. Her cheeks were flushed and they glistened from the fluorescent lights giving away she was crying before coming inside the room. Her eyes were puffy and enflamed._

_Her eyes were a vibrant emerald, he didn't think he ever seen before. They were dimming by the second as fear and surprisingly anger clouded them almost turning them into a forest green._

_Pierce took a seat in the vacant stool breaking him of his assessment of the girl._

" _You do not_ _ **kill**_ _this young woman. Understand."_

_It was an order. He knew better to defy orders. Defying orders led to the clamps on the chair locking him in. Surprisingly, his outburst hadn't led to that yet. "Yes, sir."_

_Pierce looked at him uncertain before he stood and buttoned his winter coat, "Get rid of the body when she's done."_

_The Soldier watched as Pierce left not even glancing at the woman who was out of place in the room. He stared straight forward watching as most guards left with the director leaving only two to guard the doors._

_He continued to stare forward as he heard the girl release a shaky breath. Her jewelry jingled as she moved forward – closer to him – until she reached the recently vacated stool. It wasn't until then that he let his eyes land on her as she still looked uncertain as she glanced from the stool to the body laying only inches away from it. He could tell she was unnerved by the body as her eyes flickered everywhere but to the corpse. It wasn't until then he realized why they had left the body there for so long. It was to scare the girl – teach her a lesson._

_She glanced at him briefly before turning to the guards. "Umm…the body is in the way of the supplies." Her voice was smooth despite how shaky her hands were that she was trying to hide as she brought them together clashing the metals on her hands and wrists. Additionally, he could detect a hit of an accent, it had a Russian twang, but it was mixed with something else._

" _Asset, move it out the way." The guard at the door barked._

_The girl jumped from his fluid movement of moving out the metal chair to the body on the floor and worked to clear a path for her to work. He wordlessly sat down and continued his vacant staring._

_The squeak of wheels from the chair echoed loudly in the room, as the girl rolled to the side where his metal arm was resting. His senses were invaded with the scent of coconuts. It was a vast contrast to the sterile smell of the various bases he has resided in or even the rusted scent of blood that followed him wherever he went. He glanced in her direction and he was surprised when her eyes met his. The fear wasn't prominent. Her eyes were soft and seemed to be focused on the task in front of her. She gave him a small smile with her full lips. They were a light pink and he could detect a hint of a shimmer on them._

_For some reason inside him, he thought she was misplaced in this world he existed in._

* * *

_**Washington DC April 2014** _

His name was Bucky.

According to the Smithsonian, dedicated to the man – his mission - his full name was James Buchanan Barnes.

Sergeant James Barnes, he corrected himself. But it didn't feel right. Neither did Bucky.

The only thing that felt familiar was that he was a soldier.

An American Solider.

The Winter Soldier.

Missions.

Orders.

Compliance.

Then and now…once a soldier, always a soldier.

His life _was_ lost in battle.

* * *

_**Brooklyn** _

He remembered him – Steve.

He was smaller then – thin and friable, only physically.

But he knew it was the same man from the bridge.

The same man he knew was looking for him.

But he wasn't going to let him find him.

He wasn't the Bucky memorialized in glass at an exhibit.

He wasn't the Bucky laughing next to him.

He wasn't _that_ Bucky.

He wasn't sure who he was.

* * *

_**Cargo Ship** _

Writing confined the screams. It curbed the nightmares. It contained the memories no matter how horrid and wretched he didn't want to lose again.

It made it easier to piece together the man and the machine that subsisted inside him.

His memories were slowly coming back, most were his time as The Asset.

It was to be expected, he was The Winter Soldier longer than he was Bucky Barnes.

* * *

After leaving Brooklyn trying to evoke suppressed memories, Bucky knew staying in the United States wasn't an option. He knew independent factions of remaining SHIELD authority along with the United States government would be looking for him so he could answers for his crimes he did under Hydra's control.

However, he wasn't stupid enough to think Hydra had completely fallen either. He knew if someone caught scent of him they would immediately take the chance to seize him. But he didn't think they would waste time trying to control him. He suspected a kill order was on him considering the vault of Hydra secrets he had in his head that hadn't surfaced.

Yet, he knew out of the US government, SHIELD, and Hydra that one person would be persistently looking for him and had the means and motive to do so. He had to evade Steve and being in the US would make it easier for Steve to find him.

It was easy slipping on a port ship and head back to Europe.

He arrived in France first and slowly and quietly made his way to Austria where he fell from the train. That memory was the most vivid. He remembered Steve trying to grab him as he clutched the cool metal as the wind tried to snatch at his body before it got its wish as the metal bar gave out and he fell into an icy ravine.

Not before he hit a bed of rocks. He remembers trying to break his fall with his left hand only to splinter the appendage and eventually losing it.

He could remember being numb as the bitter cold caressed him like his mother used to do with he was sick as he thought for sure he was going to die. When he was found, he hallucinated it was Steve who had come to rescue him before his mind cleared slightly to realize it wasn't Steve but Hydra. He didn't know what exactly happened afterwards except the next thing he knew his skin was burning. His body was in agony and Zola was smiling down at him proclaiming him the new fist of Hydra.

After Austria, he traveled through the shadows to Kiev and found his first home as the Winter Soldier before they moved him to Siberia. The abandoned base in Kiev didn't spark anything worth remembering. He only found the earliest prototype of the container where he was put in cryogenic sleep they kept him in until needed. There was also an early prototype of the memory suppressor machine stuffed away in another corridor. He destroyed both machines.

Other than that he surmised anything on him had been removed somewhere else – most likely to Siberia or unfortunately in someone's hands.

He did find one thing buried in a secret compartment through his destruction of the machines that held him captive.

His dog tags.

* * *

After Kiev, he knew he needed to find someplace to lay low. Since leaving Hydra, Bucky had been hit with the reality that now since he was on his own and didn't have to answer to anybody. There wasn't anyone to handle mundane things for him as food and shelter. As the Winter Soldier, he couldn't recall eating besides being feed nutrients through IVs. Hydra stifled everything in him from hunger, sleep, emotions, and importantly his sense of self.

But with his now ever growing appetite, he needed to find ways to finance his stomach as well. Stealing could only get him so far.

Bucharest seemed like a place to settle down, at least for a while.

* * *

**Bucharest**

It had been four months since he efficaciously been off the grid. Two months since he crossed the borders into Bucharest.

He had managed to procure a simple shabby apartment near the outskirts of the downtown area. He was surprised how easy it exactly was considering he didn't have any proper form of identification, but it seemed as long as he had the money the leaser didn't care who he was. Bucky didn't know if he was grateful for that as it made the person incredibly stupid, but Bucky suspected the man was shady himself. It was small with dingy walls, the color a mixture of yellow and green, the kitchen area had wallpaper while the wall opposite was a dark red with multiple cracks in the plaster. It was a weird combination, but he wasn't going to be picky. He had worse. It smelled stale from lack of maintenance and housekeeping. It luckily came with some furniture like a couch that he placed in front of the electric stove. A two person dining room set the table a few feet from the door where it could be easily flung towards. He had a mattress with no frame placed below the window where he could easily flip it.

He also didn't help much with the interior by using newspaper as his own makeshift blinds. Along with his makeshift shelves built out of cinderblocks that were intentionally left sparse, the house wasn't exactly a mansion. Despite, it's small corners, it was his home for the time being. The small grungy apartment was something entirely his, to a point, that he had control over.

Outside of the four walls, it was easy to blend in amongst the citizens and never ending tourists. The streets were always bustling with activity from vendors to people heading to and from work. It almost reminded him of his home in the 40s. He can recall New York City – Brooklyn – being a crowded place overflowing with diversity and people. Bucharest brought some form of comfort to him. Although his idea of comfort had changed drastically from the 40s and to Hydra's hold on him.

But what he noticed that hadn't changed from what he could recall vaguely when scouting on missions was how oblivious people were. Like then, he was thankful for it, as in the few weeks after Washington his face was plastered on newspapers claiming him to be a fugitive and terrorist. Yet, not one person eyed him suspiciously, he did receive a few cagy looks because of the gloves he wore, but a task force wasn't breaking down his door that he was surprised had decent durability compared to the rest of his belongings. He didn't need to use his expansive knowledge as a spy to operate through this city even though he was to a point. He didn't leave much of a lasting impression as he blended into the shadows like the ghost he was meant to be.

But all in all Bucharest was nice, but it was fucking hot, something he did not thoroughly take account for considering his only options for clothing were long sleeves and leather gloves to hide his metal limb. Even though his metal limb had the enhancement of keeping itself cool to never overheat, his actually flesh and bones still fluctuated from the summer weather. However, he would take the scorching heat of Bucharest to the frigid winters of Siberia.

Besides his one mission of worrying about the heat and trying to conceal his metal limb out in public, his second mission was trying to battle his increasing hunger. Just like there being a large population of people, there was a wide variety of cuisine that he soon figured he could barely afford.

But due to his limited funds, he stuck to shopping at the local Farmer's market buying fruit and vegetables. It wasn't really fulfilling as his body needed protein considering how the serum in his body needed a large dose of calories and the questionable meat from the fast food chain McDonald's wasn't all that appealing.

He knew he had only a few more days until he got a more substantial pay check and he would splurge on various types of meat like steaks, pork chops, and chicken breasts after paying his rent.

Bucky adjusted his blue baseball cap on his head as he gave Afina, the middle age owner of the fruit stand, a friendly smile and money for his bag of plums and Afina's suggestion of adding grapes and pineapple.

Arriving back to his apartment complex, Bucky was greeted to the site of Adi. He was the probably the oldest tenant in the building at the age of 70 who sat on the small porch provided to all of them and just watched traffic of cars and people doing their daily errands. Additionally, Adi was a real social butterfly as every time Bucky came by the man had company on his post or someone was yelling up to him from his porch.

But at this particular moment, Bucky was the only person on his cement porch.

"Got the paper for you, Jacob," Adi informed him as he passed the paper along to him.

"Thank you," Bucky easily replied back in fluent Romanian as he took the newsprint and he thanks his years of keeping a neutral face that his features remain blank as he sees a large picture of Steve with his teammates.

"How are you settling in at Anton's?"

With Adi's socializing ways, it also gave him the advantage of knowing the ins and outs of Bucharest like where somewhere like him could find work under the table. Adi knew that he needed some help. Bucky didn't know how to take it if he was being obvious he was a sketchy person yet Adi had 70 years of experience of reading people. In the two weeks of him settling in the city, Adi was able to get him a job at the local construction company, Anthon's, which not surprisingly seemed to attract actual sketchy people who were turning over a new leaf it seemed.

"It's good. Thanks for setting that up for me."

Adi shrugged his appreciation off, "It's what I do besides you look like you need the help."

Bucky rolled his eyes as he bid Adi a goodbye as the old man cackled in his plastic chair.

Reaching his plain apartment, he placed all his fresh produce in the refrigerator only leaving one plum out to eat while he read the paper which gave a very basic and heavily edited version due to the classified nature of the mission of Steve - The Avengers – raiding yet again another base linked to Hydra.

He could remember vaguely doing the same with Steve.

It's funny how some things don't ever change.

* * *

Anton's Construction Company was filled with a bunch of ( _former_ ) wayward workers. Bucky discovered that Anton, the boss and owner, was a man with a trouble pass with an narcotics addiction and had turned his life around by starting his own business that gives men with their own shady and questionable past a new beginning – a fresh start – even if it meant paying them under the table.

One would think that the work that the crew would be hired for would be small simple projects, but surprisingly despite the background of the employees Anton got lucrative and high end projects.

Bucky's crew – or mainly the four guys that tried to talk to him – were Alex, Cezar, Art, and Luke. Alex was the same age as him and his poison was heroin and he was only a year sober. Art like Anton his poison was narcotics. Luke was the youngest only 23 and huffed. Bucky was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact inhaling cleaning products seemed pleasurable. Cezar was the _oldest_ (physiologically) nearing 50 and dabbled in every drug according to man, but what got him was for holding and the intent to distribute. He had been at Anton's for almost a decade.

Bucky's story was that he was a war veteran suffering from PTSD which in reality wasn't a far stretch from the truth. It was also a plausible explanation that had him working in the intense heat cutting support beams for the buildings they built and _his crew_ didn't question him why he worked in so many layers.

Again, people could be so gullible and oblivious.

Bucky didn't necessarily mind them and they didn't seem to mind that he wasn't the most loquacious co-worker. Today wasn't any different as the guys talked about sports games or Art's current girlfriend troubles. Yet, Alex currently had his own object of affection who happened to be some new bartender at some bar they visited frequently and persistently pleaded for him to join them one night like now.

"I'm telling you Jay," Alex began as he smoked his cigarette on their lunch break while Bucky took a generous bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Kaylee is fucking beautiful and it is such a shame you haven't gotten a chance to see something so breathtakingly _beautiful_."

Bucky raised his eyebrow at Alex's words, but remained silent at the words he had been saying for the past two weeks since this Kaylee had popped up.

"You know women are into the whole silent and brooding mysterious vibe you be throwing off man," Luke added on.

"So now you are trying to set me up on a… date?" Bucky questioned neutrally.

"He speaks!" Alex shouted as he beamed showing all his teeth. Bucky rolled his eyes in response.

"What we're saying, J," Art began now joining the conversation, "is maybe you need some comfort that only a lady can provide – or man if you're into that."

Bucky snorted.

"J, you should just come down to sit back and enjoy a cold one. Ignore these goofballs. Just come and relax." Cezar added on objectively.

Bucky somehow found himself agreeing to go to a bar on a Friday night after work with them.

* * *

The bar was called _Lucky_ and surprisingly it wasn't all that different from what he remembered a bar to be back in the 40s. In all honesty, the bar seemed similar to the one him, Steve, the Commandos, and people from the SSR visited frequently after finishing their work during the day. The bar was filled with the aroma of cigarette smoke, liquor, and various layers of body odor and he found a sense of comfort from it. The only noticeable difference from now and his memory, despite the time difference, were that there were more women drinking even the men under the table and the music. The music was very heavy and piercing and he felt and a headache forming from it.

Despite being partial to being at the bar and to the beer, he was more of a whiskey guy; it gave him a chance to observe how social behaviors changed since he was of his right mind. The change in attire wasn't too much of a culture shock although it was eye opening seeing such revealing clothes on women. What really had him were the more open intimate behaviors couples exhibited in public.

He was trying not to watch as a man and women rut against each other quite aggressively while the man's face – mouth – was latched onto the woman's neck when he was nudged in the arm by Alex.

"That's her bro."

Bucky ignored the use of Alex's favorite slang in addressing him and set his sights on the newest addition behind the bar that various people greeted. Her back was turned to him, but the woman was very short and her black hair was in a severe ponytail. She was wearing skin tight jeans with a black wife beater. Alex beckoned her over where she gladly came over showing off her sparkly white teeth.

"Kaylee, here this is a buddy of mine from work, Jacob."

Bucky felt his heart stop and lodge up into his throat as he looked at Kaylee - _her_. Even with her face framed by a pair of fake glasses and thick black eyeliner, it only emphasized her emerald eyes. Gone were her nose piercing and her metal jewelry replaced by cord bracelets around her wrists. Her tree necklace gone replaced by a scar made by a knife is luminescent on her olive skin. He notices another scar – gunshot – is on her left arm too.

Her bright smile only falters slightly as her green eyes roam over him, "Hi, Jacob, I hope the boys are treating you alright. Would you like a refill?" He only stares blankly while Alex tells her his order.

For the rest night, she seems to keep her distance. It seemed she even fought the urge of glancing over to him. The only time she addressed him was to see if he needed a refill. To anybody else, it would look like she was okay and fine. But he could tell from her movements she was vigilant to him. Her eyes kept looking towards the exits probably expecting the remaining faction of Hydra to burst through the door or worst that he was sent out to extract her. Those thoughts made him wonder what exactly happened to her since Washington DC.

* * *

Bucky hated the seemingly comfort he felt as he hid in the shadows waiting. After _Kaylee's_ introduction and following her movements pouring drinks for patrons and occasionally throwing shots back herself, he decided he was going to wait for her.

Then while waiting for the end of her shift he thought of two possible scenarios that he didn't consider while he watched her serve drinks. One, she could very well be Hydra. Even though when he was consistently being brainwashed, he had a pretty good grasp on who actually served Hydra – the people who enjoyed it compared to others. On the rare occasion he would have some time to roam the facilities they kept him in, and being a master in reading body language, besides most fearing him, he could tell that some people generally were petrified working for Hydra. He ended up _disposing_ of them in some ways for their infidelity _according_ to Hydra. But he knew from the first time he met her she wasn't born or recruited to be Hydra. In all likelihood, she was probably blackmailed.

The other issue was that she could think he was still Hydra and was sent to kill her. He wasn't helping the image by waiting in the building across the street for her to get out of work. On top of that he didn't even have a clue what he wanted to say to her. It seemed _hi_ would be highly inappropriate to a point in this situation. He should have thought over this _plan_ more thoroughly.

Bucky raked his flesh hand through his brown hair that was resting on his shoulders wavy from the humid heat and his fingers. He knew eventually he was going to have to eventually cut his hair shorter than he was keeping it. He put back on his black baseball cap and his attention was diverted from his hair to the sound of a female voice – her voice – saying goodbye to her co-worker.

He waited for her to gain a distance between her place of work and him before he began following her stealthy. His cool eyes could see as she stuffed her hands in the pockets of her sweater that she was placing her keys in-between her fingers to make a weapon. Her shoulders were tense as she knew he was behind her. He knew it was a matter of seconds before her quiet footsteps would begin pounding heavily in the pavement when she would try to sprint away from him despite knowing he had the agility to catch up with her in a matter of seconds.

It was exactly a full five minutes of him following her before she made an abrupt right turn and took off in a full sprint. He honestly wondered why he didn't just approach her amicably when she ended her shift. He thought his programming was still too embedded in him that he would wait and watch for someone then just approach them.

"Hey, wait," he spoke in fluent Romanian as he ran after her but she kept running. He outmatched her in many ways and it was a matter of seconds that he quietly caught up with her. Seeing no other choice he grabbed her left bicep. He sensed the scream ready to tear through her lips while her reflexes kicked in and she attempted to stab him with her keys. He covered her mouth with his flesh hand purposefully while effectively grabbing her makeshift weapon backing her gently into a brick wall. "I'm not going to hurt you." He told her looking into her frightened green eyes. He hated how he remembered the last time her eyes looked at him in this way.

He waited for her erratic breathing to slow before he removed his flesh hand from her lips.

"I'm not going back there," she spoke in harsh Russian, but the fear that lingered was palpable in the shakiness of her voice. "I would die before going back to them."

His eyes raked over her face. Her eyes were watery and if they were under better light he would say she was beginning to go pale under his scrutiny as her body was shaking as he could see her hands shaking as she had them placed on the brick wall behind her as some kind of crutch.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he repeated slowly in her native tongue as his metal hand covered by a leather glove grabbed the chain hidden beneath his black Henley to show her the small pendant the held a residence on his body than his own cold metal dog tags – her lost _(forgotten)_ metal pendant that contained her initial K. "I'm not going to hurt you, Karina."

* * *

_**Washington DC April 2014** _

_Bucky_

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

_He felt a shiver travel down his spine as he recalled the name the man on the bridge said. He watched as the man's defenses were swiped away as he stood in shocked as he got a clear image of his face._

_But his training prepared him for this that was why he wore the mask. When the target has a visual it makes them think they are on the same playing field. It becomes more personal as they try to appeal – beg – for redemption and promises that no one would know he came after them. They feel as if they have an upper hand._

_But he couldn't ignore the wave of confusion that washed over him as he really looked at his target. How the man's voice echoed in his head like water rushing down a tunnel._

_The name snapped the strings that controlled him to complete the mission._

_The man on the bridge knew him…_ _**he** _ _knew him._

_The flashing lights came along with the pounding headache beneath his eye lids._

_The screams…_

_The fall…_

_The cold…_

" _Drop her now!" Someone shouted making the collages of images fade to the vision in front of him. He saw in his peripheral an agent was down holding their bloody nose while five others had their guns aimed at him._

_His metal hand was wrapped tightly around someone's throat as he tried to fight through the memories that were clawing at his mind trying to break through. The person in front of him was a blur until he heard the jingle of bracelets as they clinked against his titanium arm as he felt a slight change in pressure against it._

_Green eyes were staring back at him fearful as his metal hand's grip around her throat became tighter._

_Green eyes…_

_Green eyes weren't a threat._

_His palm became lax. He didn't remove his hand, but keep it flat against her tendered throat that no doubt had his imprints painted against it. Her eyes were watery as she brought both hands to his metal wrists._

" _I knew him," he said quietly only for her to hear in Russian._

…

_Even after Pierce left and he accepted the words his work was a gift to mankind and dismissed the notion he knew the man on the bridge, while the machine that would get rid of the headache hovered over him and the anticipated pain made his body stiff and his lungs scream in agony, he latched onto image of vivid green eyes before it vanished._

_Karina's green eyes and silver jewelry…but he knew it would be gone._

…

_He could feel his bones setting themselves back into place after the man from the bridge broke his arm on the Helicarrier. His mind was exploding with flashes since the man uttered those words to him._

Till the end of the line

_Since then his mind had been on fire to the point it was more dilapidating more than his bum right arm at the moment. He was conflicted from not completing his mission to his mind screaming out him in relief, terror, and confusion._

_The only thing that was blatantly clear was that Hydra wasn't his home or right. He wasn't_ _**theirs** _ _. He stuck to the shadows as his debated within himself to go back to his handlers or disappear something he knows that he does best – he was a ghost story – it was engrained in him to not be seen. He didn't know how long he wandered D.C as he observed the cities response to the disaster he played a hand in at the Potomac before his mind flashed with images – people. Out of all the people that were blurry in his mind he didn't know why he thought it was best to seek her out._

_He went back to the Bank._

_Arriving at the bank through the underground entrance specifically made for him. The place seemed vacant. He couldn't detect any movement or security like it had only hours ago. His steps were quiet on the linoleum floors and as he crept closer to his cell he could hear low male voices speaking. As he entered the cold cell, the doctor's didn't notice his arrival as they spoke in hushed worried tones about something wasn't right._

_He had the urge to kill the doctors right then and there as they were the ones in charge of wiping him._

_He lifted his metal arm with one of the guns that was still on his body after his fight with the man on the Helicarrier._

" _Where is she?" He demanded in English. The doctors jumped in fright and one even screamed as they raised their hands in the air. A part of him wondered if the doctors were this pathetic why he hadn't attempted escape before, but then he remembered usually guns were always drawn on him ready for discharge and he wasn't out of cryo this long to consider escaping._

" _They – Marcus - took her," The skinner doctor replied his lips quivering making his speech almost indistinguishable._

" _Where?" He growled._

" _We don't know. We don't know." The skinny doctor cried as he began sobbing. He almost rolled his eyes._

_The other doctor spoke up, "She was screaming and fighting the whole way as they took her from the room they kept her in. She was still alive when they exited the building."_

_A part of him wanted to shoot him – he had the bloodlust – but another part of him didn't want any more blood on his hands. He lowered his gun and left the room without another word and made his trek down the hall where he knew they kept people._

_Reaching the stark white small holding cell that held a small twin size bed that was mounted to the wall, a small dresser, and desk with an adjoining bathroom the room was in disarray from someone putting up a struggle. When he made to leave the room that held no evidence of where they would take her just that she was there and now gone his eyes caught the gleam of metal – a circular pendant with the initial K on it._

_He swiftly swept it in his pocket._

_He didn't know why, but it felt heavy almost like an anchor._


	2. Him

**_Washington DC January 2014_ **

_Angry wouldn’t even begin to describe how she felt in this moment. Rage was making her veins pump faster despite her eyes giving away the fear that was swirling along with it. They had blackmailed her and simply took her choice away. By her knowing about them a target was put on her back even if it was unwillingly on her part. Now she knew that this parasite had sleeper agents in the organization whose first mission was to put an end to them. She was an accomplice as if she told anyone as not only would they kill who she told, but her as well. She was still wrapping her head around the fact Alexander Pierce was apparently the leader._

_The only encouraging aspect it seemed if there could be one in this scenario was they needed her too much to kill her. She didn’t understand why an evil Neo-Nazi group needed a second year graduate student at George Washington University for Biomedical Engineering. She was pretty sure there were a million of people who were smarter than her like doctorate students. Yet, as she looked at the medical files in her hands, she knew why she was there. Her whole academic work and goals she wanted to achieve were in this folder. If she wasn’t threatened to work for Hydra she might have been excited – only a small part of her which would be spoiled with guilt, but she wasn’t._

_“You will be doing us a favor.”_

_Karina’s green eyes glared at the other person in the room. Her now, ex-boyfriend, Marcus Peterson, an apparent sleeper agent of Hydra’s whose mission was to monitor her when she moved to Washington D.C. She was filled with satisfaction at the angry mark of her hand on the side of his face._

_“You didn’t give me much choice now did you?” Karina replied hotly. She placed the small manila folder filled with paperwork in Russian down on the cool metal table, “Why is the patient’s name redacted from everything? I only see Asset and Soldier.”_

_“Those are its name.” Marcus replied stiffly._

_Karina didn’t get to reply as a guard came in announcing they needed her as like it would matter if she wasn’t ready. The walk was silent besides their footsteps and the slapping of her jewelry before they reached a gated room._

_Inside the room, she saw a man surrounded by guards, guns not aimed but arms and fingers were twitchy. Pierce was in front of him. The man with a metal left arm._

…

**_June 2014_ **

Her left arm was stinging. The air felt like salt to the wound. Her right hand was clammy from blood that was spilling from her neck like an overflowing sink.

Behind her the echoes of gunshots were slowly becoming sporadic. The smell of wood and burning metal was becoming distant.

Her main problem besides the wounds that were still bleeding generously was that she had no idea where she was at since the seemingly fall of Hydra in Washington DC. Since her forced departure from the states she was kept underground and even if she was connected to Marcus no one muttered a word near her or was even foolish enough to leave any trace of technology for her to manipulate. 

She was in every sense of the word a prisoner in Hydra’s personal war against the world. At times she wished they would just kill her yet Marcus kept her alive for his own selfish reasons.

Karina’s pace slowed as she found a small cave dwelling to rest in. She prayed the dwelling wasn’t a decoy of some sort for Hydra or that any agents that managed to escape the breaching didn’t come here. She sat down giving her shaky legs some rest as she ripped off part of her shirt to wrap her neck wound with. She vaguely wondered if she was going to have to go primeval and use ants to close both of her wounds.

She knew she couldn’t run around whatever country she was in blindly.

She also knew that this base was one of the many slowly recuperating Hydra bases. Hydra knew her face and in their eyes she would be a liability.  

The first thing she needed to do was change her appearance. She knew she needed to get rid of her signature dreads and jewelry.

…

The one place Karina knew she couldn’t go was her former hometown – Brighton Beach. She debated testing the “hide in plain sight” but she knew there were too many risks involved heading back home. Besides it being the most obvious place she would go to seek refuge, she had no idea how to sneak on a cargo ship and get back to the States.

The second big risk was she had people she cared about in New York and she wouldn’t put them in danger by her being there. Despite the fact she knew some people in her hometown had all the means and were capable of handling themselves, she knew better than to bring the mess she got tangled in to their front door.

Yet, she didn’t think Hydra was pointedly looking for her. She was essentially a nobody. Her only leverage she did have was that she knew the identity and whereabouts of The Winter Soldier – James Barnes. But by now she gathered he was currently MIA or better yet _free_.

But it still didn’t stop her from being paranoid.

She always kept her hand down and always had her hood up or a hat on. Some form of eyewear on and never lingered in front of street or traffic lights, ATM machines or any building that was part of a franchise or big corporation as she bounced from city to city, country to country.

It surprised her how fairly easy it was to her to living in squander once again. All her childhood skills that Anya tried to wane of pickpocketing and easily making up a role for herself as she did when once upon a time she wanted to be an actress came back to her like riding a bike. She was once again the little girl stealing and _playing_ a role game to take care of the other people in her neighborhood, but now she was doing all this to support herself.

She guessed history was bound to always repeat itself.

…

She didn’t always steal.

Since she avoided going into heavily populated areas for the most part, she stuck to rural areas. The citizens who lived in these areas turned out to be good Samaritans and allow Karina scraps of food and a warm bed for a day or two. She even got to make a little bit of money as some offered her a small payment for being a temporary farmhand.

Eventually she knew she needed to settle down somewhere and stop accepting the hospitality of people considering it would spread about a lone female wanderer with a knife wound on her neck and gunshot wound on her shoulder. Despite her sticky fingers, it wouldn’t get her far and when it came to actually defending herself she would look better trying to fight quicksand considering the training of Hydra agents.

Yet, she had one thing to her advantage which was her mind and her knowledge of computers.

So it was fairly easy fabricating herself a passport and ID as she ventured through various cities.

…

She wasn’t sure how she managed to settle down in Bucharest, Romania. But nonetheless she found herself renting a small studio apartment and trying her best to learn Romanian. She found it easier to read than speaking. Luckily, she had a few elderly neighbors that were quick to correct her pronunciations. However considering Bucharest was tourist friendly she managed to get by just using the English language when it came to certain things.

However, her slowly forming understanding of the linguistic of Romanian was further aided by her job as a bartender at Norocos or _Lucky_ in English. _Lucky_ was a very laid back bar with an even more laidback and friendly crowd of regulars who were used to their bartender learning their native language.

She actually enjoyed her job and playing this Kaylee character she made up. Being Kaylee meant taking a reprieve from the paranoia she felt since January. It was nice for her to let some tension escape from her shoulders and enjoy the flirtatious banter from her customers.

But even with this life she was slowly building, she missed her old life.

She missed being Karina.

…

The one thing Karina found that she always underestimated was the hot weather.

In Brighton Beach, they had their hot days nothing as humid as it was here. But she was starting to miss the brutal winters that were fueled by being close to the water. She never felt homesick until she was miles away with no communication.

She wondered how much did Hydra cover their tracks and made sure if they fell she would go down with them.

She wondered if Anya would believe any of it if there was speculation in the papers. Anya had so much faith in her that she would get out of there Little Russia and make a name for herself outside of the small immigrant owned businesses or Anya’s family owned butcher shop. 

She owned everything to Anya who took her on as if she was her own child when her mother passed away. Anya made sure she had all the available resources to follow her ambitions. Her encouragements were what made her able to go to college in DC and experience a new form of humidity. In her phone calls to Anya she used to joke about the heat waves D.C. brought making her hair do questionable things resulting in her testing out putting her hair in dreads. But now thinking back on it D.C. didn’t have anything on the humidity that Bucharest was currently emitting.

She was even more enthusiastic to get to work knowing _Lucky_ had air conditioning which she didn’t have in her small apartment. As she made her way to work, she was seriously regretting wearing her black jeans knowing that when she wore shorts she drew in bigger tips considering it was Friday night and her crowd from Anton’s construction crew. Especially Alex as he had no reservations in telling her how amazing she looked.

She thought Alex was a nice respectable men, like the rest of his coworkers, and she didn’t judge him for his past indiscretion. Just after Marcus and how her life was going the last thing she needed in her life was a relationship. She didn’t even want to think about how she was essentially lying to all of them about who she was. She knew she was doing the one thing that people who were on the run weren’t supposed to do and that was getting attached.

She was getting attached to the bustling city, her small shabby apartment, the humidity, the bar, her customers, and being Kaylee.

She reached the bar entering through the employee entrance. She could hear the radio playing, the slapping of wood and glass. The sighs and laughter of sated drinkers and couples filter down to the back of the building where the lockers were for the employees’ personal items. She tied her black apron around her waist and made her way to the front where Pauline was there smiling as she lined up a row of shots and greeted her with a tired, but warm smile.

Pauline had been at _Lucky_ since its conception which was almost 35 years ago. Pauline was pushing on 55 and didn’t look at day over 25 with her medium length ginger hair and green eyes and a body that was in better shape than hers. Karina could admit she sometimes thought Pauline had her own personally cryotube.

“I’m sorry you had to come in on your night off.” Pauline said in-between the shots of delight from her arrival.

Karina only shrugged. It wasn’t as if she had a life outside of working. All she did was read and practice her Romanian in her quaint living quarters, take a stroll to the grocery, or just stay locked up in her apartment as she watched TV from the television she restored. She could admit it was nice finding something to tinker on. But most of the time she was left to stew in her own mind. Karina had just thrown her white rag over her shoulder when a loud deep voice shouted her name above all the talking.

Karina looked over to the owner of the voice who was beckoning her over with his meaty callous hands a cigarette perched between his chapped pink lips. He was surrounded by his work crew, but she noticed an extra person there as Alex nudged the man pointing in her direction.

She held her happy disposition, a wide smile showing all her teeth as she approached her regulars from Anton’s construction company.  She listened to Alex as he described his coworker Jacob. By now, she had already been informed that Anton hired people who needed help – a fresh start. Pauline had informed her that some of them seemed questionable, but Anton could weed out the really bad seeds and no one ever had a problem with his workers. So she wasn’t too taken back or weary of the man wearing many layers and dark clothing in a cloudy dim light bar or the fact he was wearing a hat that obscured his face even more than his long dark hair.  

It wasn’t until the man fully looked up that she would later admit would be reluctant fear sprouted in her as violent blue eyes locked onto her dark forest green ones. She fought the impulse in wanting to run to the immediate exit. A part of her felt ashamed of the terror that had sieged her. But the last time she saw him his metal hand was two ounces off from crushing her throat then she watched them turn into a machine not even remembering that only minutes before he bruised her throat. It would haunt her forever as she had to finish the work on his arm moments after hearing him scream and him looking at her with no hint of recognition.

She was shocked she was able to keep her happy façade on as she didn’t have the years of practice as him to keep a blank expression as if he didn’t know her. The only thing that gave away he known her was a slight widening of his eyes before he focused on Alex and his cold beer in front of him.

As she worked through her shift, she felt his eyes watching her as she served the patrons and she barely made any contact with as she replaced his drinks throughout the night. As the night got longer her paranoia skyrocketed. She knew what Hydra made him do wasn’t him. His free will was stripped away from him. She fully held Hydra accountable for Bucky’s – James’- current situation. She wanted to not be scared of him as he sat at the bar with his coworkers. She really didn’t. A part of her chalked it up to a mere coincidence they ended up in Bucharest. He was simply trying to recover from Hydra’s abuse; well she hoped he was as she knew that Hydra drilled into him that he was supposed to be a ghost and never to be seen. It was all a big coincidence.

But then it was Hydra. This could all just be a cover – a ploy into letting her guard down enough for him to extract.

It was those thoughts that made her take part in drinking with the clientele which she normally did not do due to her increasing paranoia.

But in hindsight she should have stuck to her decree about drinking on the job as she knew when she left work. Her gaze detection was extremely sensitive as she knew he was somewhere lurking in the shadows. She now understood what they meant when they compared him to being a literal ghost as she heard no footsteps. It was almost as if he could have been hovering from a web like a spider or literal person who could levitate. The only thing that gave away that he was indeed following her was the slight hum of his mechanical arm that disturbed the cooling air.

She didn’t know why she exactly ran knowing it was futile considering who she was running from but she felt herself slip directly into her flight or fight response. The logical course of action was undoubtedly to flee because she knew if he wanted to he could break multiple bones in her body just by poking her.

She thought she was going to lose control of her bowels as he easily caught her placing her _gently_ against the brick wall of a building. She observed how he distinctly used his flesh hand to cover her mouth not her neck. His face wasn’t even blank or cold. It held concern with a pinch of relief. His once cold eyes seemed to have thawed. They weren’t exactly warm, but dim like a sky preparing for an impending storm.

She had resigned to the fact that she was going to die in an alleyway. The only thing that comforted her from her impending death was she knew they made this man kill quickly and she knew the pain of death would only be temporary.

Yet as he spoke to her in clean Romanian and Russian with a hint of some form of desperation she knew something was off and he hadn’t killed her. He didn’t even make a move by rendering her unconscious by pinching her to take her back to Hydra’s clutches.

Instead she almost passed out from sheer shock and she felt her stomach protesting violently as he revealed her long lost forgotten pendant to a bracelet.

…

Karina wasn’t exactly sure how they ended up back at _her_ apartment. In hindsight, a diner seemed more appropriate. Her tongue felt numb and she was sure she wasn’t making any sense as she mumbled in Russian, English, and broken Spanish and Romanian. She felt even worse and rude as she knew she was staring pointedly at him as he sat on awkwardly on her small mangy and questionable recliner that was left over by the previous tenant. He had no shame in staring abashedly at her. She was partially used to this as he did the same thing before. She assumed his Winter Soldier mannerisms were still there considering it wasn’t as if 70 years of conditioning would magically poof. 

Now she felt embarrassed by her living quarters as everything was second hand or found by her rummaging through a local junkyard. Her apartment was only one floor –  really the space of three small bedrooms - essentially the size of a shoe box. As soon as you walked through the scraped and slightly uneven wooden door there was a small space for a rack for her coat and a small mat where she placed a pair of shoes before you entered the _kitchen_ area which only contained a large sink that didn’t even have a proper faucet but a hose that she was going to replace eventually. Next was a small white stove where above was a shelf that held her minimal cookware like pots and pans. Next to the stove was a small refrigerator with a microwave on top that she personally fixed to work again. A mere one foot away on the left was her bathroom that looked misplaced in the room from its bulky box frame. Next to the bathroom was a sliding door that led to a small balcony with a wicker table and seats where she ate all of her meals at. Directly across from the door was her full bed where she was currently sitting on that was held up by her makeshift frame made of cement blocks and a thin wooden board. The only other piece of furniture besides the couch he was sitting in was her dresser which held her ancient but functional TV.

She was trying not to feel embarrassed as she suspected he wasn’t living the high life either, but she would believe he wasn’t living in a shitty neighborhood or an apartment that could barely fit one of his thighs in.

But then again, she wasn’t being rude with her observation, but he gave off the vibe of being homeless to an extent. If he got rid of the gloves – which she knew he couldn’t – cut his hair and removed a layer he wouldn’t look so _suspicious_.

Yet, Karina knew the only reason she was so focused on the smudge mark of what would normally be a pristine refrigerator was that she was trying to figure out how to navigate that a former brainwashed assassin/soldier, whose last encounter with her wasn’t exactly favorable, remembered her enough that he went back for her after the attack at SHIELD headquarters where Hydra fell along with the hellicarriers and carried around her silver pendant on a chain.

Even with a mind like hers she knew there was no formula to compute this and as she digested his words despite how happy she felt at him being free from those dickbags she was consumed with an overwhelming pile of guilt. Because she could have done something sooner to get him out of Hydra clutches before he was assigned to kill his best friend.

“I’m sorry,” she spoke so low – so broken – as she looked up him to find him giving her a curious, but confused glance as his brown brows furrowed. She couldn’t help but think of the only time she saw confusion – conflict – smear his face was when he told Pierce he knew Captain America – his friend – prior to his mission.

“For what?”

Karina curled into herself as she wrapped her arms around her legs as she explained. “After I was… _assigned_ to you a few weeks later I went to the Captain America exhibit with a few friends.” She watched as a pain expression came across his face at the mention of the super soldier before understanding as he looked at her. “Imagine my surprise when I found you staring back at me.”

She remembered the shock and repulsion she felt staring at him memorialized in murals and glass. Then it hit her that she remembered him from one of her history classes in school. She knew right away that Hydra’s top operative wasn’t there by his own free will. And going through that museum and reading about him and his missions with Captain America she felt utterly sick as she couldn’t imagine the abuse they must have put him through. She knew from when she met him that something was off with him, but she didn’t know the depth. She felt she was going to have a panic attack right there in the middle of the museum, but she knew she couldn’t as it would be her own death sentence.

But honestly she wasn’t surprised how low Hydra stooped by managing to capture their greatest enemy’s best friend and strip him of his identity to make him their greatest weapon. Then there she was enabling it.

“There wasn’t anything you could do. If you did…” He trailed off and she knew what it meant. If she had tried to do anything she would have been killed immediately. Plus, she saw how confused he became when his memories surfaced who would know what would have happened if some girl he barely recognized came to him saying he wasn’t what Hydra fed to him. He could have killed her out of confusion. “How did they find you?”

At the thought of her duplicitous ex she couldn’t help but self-consciously run her hand over the scar on her neck before “My ex-boyfriend, Marcus, worked in PR for SHIELD and was apparently a sleeper agent for them. His mission was to basically be a monitor to me as our whole relationship was for him to slowly recruit me because of my schoolwork since basically I was trying to mimic - _build_ – the technology that runs your arm.”

“After DC?”

“They took me to some base in Belgium. Kept me underground until it was attacked and I ran. Traveled around before settling here,” She told him waving her hand around her cramped apartment. She could tell he wanted to ask more as his eyes lingered on her two wounds she received the night the base was attacked, but he didn’t.  

The apartment was encased in silence. She wouldn’t describe it as uncomfortable, but there was a tint of uncertainty as to where they went from here. Did they just go back to their fake lives and never cross paths again unless he came back to the bar or do they try and form a friendship? Karina’s heart sped up at her musings of trying to form a friendship with The Winter Soldier. But the silence was broken when she released a loud yawn that she was immediately embarrassed about and she swore she saw him smirk at her from her flushed cheeks.

“I should go,” he stated to her as he sat up from her chair.

Karina merely nodded her head and hastily got up from her bed, but cringed as she thought it made it seem she was eager for him to leave when she invited him over in the first place. He stopped in her doorway before turning towards her his face completely devoid of emotions; she could admit she shivered a little.

“Do you want this back?” In his flesh hand he held the chain that held her pendant between them.

She took the necklace and looked at it a bit sadly as it reminded her of her life before this. She deliberately grabbed his metal hand turning it over to face palm up as she dipped the necklace in his palm before closing his leather clad hand in a fist. “You can keep it and take care of yourself, James.”

He smiled at her sadly as he clenched her pendant before he left and disappeared in the shadows of the hallway of her apartment complex just like a ghost.

…

When Karina woke up the following morning believing she hallucinated that James – Bucky – or Jacob, since that seemed to be his new identity was in her home and he didn’t kill her. He just came in and _talked_ and sat on her worn out recliner. It wasn’t until she was brushing her teeth and choked on toothpaste that she realized exactly why he just sat there and talked. He was making sure she wasn’t a threat – wasn’t Hydra. She didn’t know whether to cry, throw up, or leave Bucharest all together, but she suspected that would look suspicious to him. And she wasn’t going to underestimate his skills in tracking her and doing what he was essentially an expert at.

But she promised herself while looking in her mirror that she would go about her days as normal as possible. She highly doubted she would run into him like at a market.

But oh she was so wrong.

Since it was Saturday, Karina was making her weekly trip to the farmer’s markets and butcher’s shops for food. Her arms had cloth bags dangling from them like they were coats on a rack and she had a large watermelon cradled in her arms. She was praying she didn’t drop the large and juicy fruit while making the long journey back to her apartment. Money was tight and she could use the exercise plus it wasn’t night time and she highly doubted she would get mugged.

“Do you need help?”

Karina squealed like a pig and the watermelon slipped from her arms and was moments away from colliding with the cement until fast arms caught the heavy fruit from meeting a messy and wasteful fate.

Karina looked at the owner of the voice who didn’t look all that different from last night and she blurted the first thing that came out her mouth, “Are you _tailing_ me?” She didn’t know if she was accusing or asking, but she regretted her lack of filter when his lips pursed down into a slight frown as he shook his head.

“I was leaving my apartment and I saw you passing by.” He tilted his head towards a large 12 story apartment complex to her left and felt immediately mortified by her accusation.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t –“

“It’s fine,” he told her giving her a strain smile before he lifted up the watermelon a little. “Do you need some help?”

“I don’t want to put you out of your way.”

“It’s no problem. It’s not like I have anything planned. It’s the least I could do.”

“Okay, but you have to stay for dinner.” She saw the skeptical look pass through his face, but she knew she sold him with her next words. “I just bought a steak. I was going to make a steak with salad.”

“Okay,” was his low and somewhat hesitant reply, but he followed with a smile and it she felt a pang in her chest as it seemed to hurt him to do such a common expression.

**_Washington DC April 2014_ **

_She wondered if it made her a traitor that she knew about Hydra and hadn’t reported it to the authorities or SHIELD, but it didn’t help SHIELD was technically Hydra. Additionally, she knew that they had someone tailing her and monitoring all her electronic and paper trails. She remembers the scolding she got after she went to the Captain American exhibit with some of her classmates and she knew why. She had put a name to the patient she had treated four times since January._

_She felt like she was betraying him now as she stepped into the cell they caged him in. She knew he didn’t know who he was. Even if she didn’t know it was Bucky Barnes hidden beneath the Winter Soldier persona something was off with him. She picked that up on from their first encounter. He was so mechanical, not brainless though, and they treated him like an object. She knew they were doing something to him. It was poignant as they always made her leave his cell immediately after checking his arm. They didn’t trust her. She didn’t even have access to all his medical files just the ones pertaining to his titanium based left arm._

_As winter faded into spring, he was still stationed in the same bitter cell underneath the bank she had been stationed in since Bucky was assigned on a mission she presumed. When he was active, she was forced to be station at the facility on call 24/7 until his work was completed. They even provided nice excused absences for her at school and Marcus even collected her work for her as they were “still together” in Hydra’s eyes to keep up cover and to retain the leash tight on her._

_He was sitting in that metal chair that seemed to be his second home. He was sitting upright looking in a daze, but she knew his eyes were on her every movement. He was in his black tactical pants and boots. No shirt on. However, she was taken back by the substance that looked like black charcoal that was smeared around his eyes. It made his blue eyes more piercing._

_More cold._

_“They tell me you had an eventful night,” she greeted in fluent Russian._

_She learned he was fluent in the language after she muttered something in her native tongue about his arm and he fluently responded back almost as if he was Russian himself. He seemed more comfortable replying in Russian than English although he barely spoke. But she blamed that on Hydra’s programming. But besides that most of the agents in the building were unfamiliar with her native tongue._

_He nodded his head making his coffee locks sway._

_“Caught a shield,” was his succinct reply._

_“I’m going to exam your spine.” She informed him as she was more concerned about the impact the shield could have had on him depending on how he caught it. She knew or more so was told that she didn’t need to inform him of anything, but she liked to build some rapport or trust with him. Maybe it was ill-advised on her part since she was his engineer for his arm as he killed the last one. The only acknowledgment he gave her was sitting up straighter._

_As she leaned down, she got a whiff of gunpowder and leather. She gave him another friendly smile as he was watching her as she moved closer to him and placed a hand on his cool metal shoulder. She tried not to focus on the angry scars that melded the prosthetic to his body “If you feel anything is off when I press just tell me.”_

_She placed her fingers lightly on his muscular back and she still wasn’t used to how warm his skin ran. She had only glided halfway up his spine when she realized his whole body was tensed._

_“Are you okay?”_

_He just sat there wordlessly and she looked at him with concern and bewilderment._

_“Does something feel wrong?” She pressed._

_He looked at her, his face blank, his words a mere whisper, probably so the guards wouldn’t hear and how he said it was off, “You’re hands are warm. It’s different.”_

_But she wasn’t._

_She was the same like the rest of them._

_Keeping him from himself._

 

 

 


	3. Flickers

_**3 Weeks Later** _

Karina learned very quickly that James 40s morals were still instilled in him, even if he was not aware of it. He always held any door open for her, and then again, it wasn't as if he ever let her walk ahead of him. On the street he never ever let her walk near the curb. She thought he was going to have a coronary episode when he saw a bunch of men allow women near them. At first, she thought it was just his paranoia and an assassin habit, but he said passingly that it wasn't chivalrous to not walk between the curb and woman. Additionally, after he ate at her house he always insisted on washing the dishes.

He then went out of his way walking her to and from work. James being an overall gentleman was just something she wasn't used to from any man, especially him considering all that he went through. But she wasn't complaining.

She could say that her offer of dinner seemed to open a door of friendship between the two as she found herself having dinner with him almost daily. She was slightly beginning to worry about how she was going to keep up with his increasing appetite as he ate for a family of four. She knew on that Saturday, when she offered him steak that was the first time in a long time he had real meat. It wasn't as if he wasn't paying for his portion of the food she ended up cooking. In fact, after the first week of cooking for him they got in a slight disagreement about him contributing. It didn't take long to deduce that he really was working under the table and he needed funds more than her. She was fortunate to know how to make a fake identity supplied with the necessary items. James knew how to hide, but he didn't have the necessary skills to forge documents to a point. Also she wanted to point out his homeless look wasn't exactly a great cover, but she kept that nugget to herself. When she did bring up this topic he uncomfortably pointed out that he was an assassin not a spy. He rarely did _spy things_ or perform espionage. He just sanctioned and extracted - killed - from a distance – shadow. He wasn't meant to be seen.

Besides that awkward conversation they didn't talk much. She _would_ talk mostly about mundane things while being cautious of his gradually returning memories. She would get him up to speed on some things that he missed as the decades passed. She wasn't exactly a history buff. So it wasn't as if she could properly teach him about the things he missed. She knew she hadn't seen most of the things that were considered classic in pop culture.

But she was familiar with technology. She learned very quickly that he understood basic functions of certain electronics to a point like how to use them. She concluded on certain missions he needed to retrieve things using computers or phones. He just didn't understand _the why_ they needed them. Then there was the issue of him knowing what a cell phone essentially was, but then there was the other part of him that only remembered rotary phones and marveled at how far technology had come in his stoic mannerisms.

Part of it was very confusing to her because he knew partially what the item was but didn't have idea what he was exactly looking at. She could only imagine how overwhelmed he would have been if she would have had all her former possessions, like her smartphone and laptop, which weren't found in a dumpster that she repaired. She suspected he knew somewhat how advanced the world had come since he remembered the high tech Hydra weapons he used.

Yet, the only thing that she could ever really see completely dumbfounded him were the new social customs and attire. She remembered when he was sitting at the bar how he looked slightly mortified at the suggestive public display of affections from intoxicated couples.

She never asked him directly what he remembered. It wasn't as if he was all keen on sharing. But she knew he was remembering more and more every day. One day he was incredibly baffled at how expensive things were but other than the economic changes, she suspected it was more of the 70 years of abuse that seemed to hit him than his life before then. On those days, he was more withdrawn. But it wasn't as if he was exactly a Chatty Cathy. He still held the mechanical mannerisms that were conditioned into him.

She knew he always knew where an exit was when they enter a building – the bar, her apartment complex. She watched as his eyes made subtle movements as he analyzed everything for anything that seemed suspicious. She also noticed that when he sat in the bar it was always in the corner near the closest exit and he was facing where he could see the full layout of the place.

Then it was how he carried himself. Pauline had commented he seemed to be a war veteran which was 100% true from the tension he held in his body – shoulders. It seemed at any moment his spring was ready to snap. It was almost like he was preparing for an attack or for Hydra to come and find him.

Besides him not being very loquacious, she thought his most noticeable _quirk_ was he would always stare. His stare was penetrating and slightly unsettling considering she didn't know what exactly was going through his mind. Sometimes she thought he didn't even know he was always staring at her. It made her feel like she was on display like a mannequin at a store or better yet a science experiment. He stared at her like he was studying her. Memorizing her idiosyncrasies. The best part was he didn't even act ashamed of his blunt staring even when she would match his gaze. She would still be the first one to look away.

Despite all that, he was surprisingly good company. It wasn't as if they went out or anything, but she found comfort in his presence. She tried hard not to think about how she found solace in a former brainwashed assassin, now a highly wanted fugitive, who she was technically aiding and abetting. But she suspected he found something in her as well as he kept coming around and being her escort to and from work like now.

She knew he didn't mean it in a sexist way, but she still thought it was somewhat sexist that he insisted she wasn't fit to walk home alone after her shifts at the bar. She knew he meant well. A part of her found it extremely flattering, but she knew he had some sense, as she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of admitting that she had no experience in self-defense. Since she started working at Lucky she hadn't had any incidents with people from the wrong side of the tracks.

She suspected it made him feel better as he was doing something than brooding in his apartment. She knew he seemed to evade sleep much to her displeasure that went unvoiced. The kicker of it was her apartment was going out of his way as they had to pass the block he lived on before reaching her place. However, she learned very quickly it was like talking to a wall with him when it came to certain things which she found slightly amusing considering they only knew each other for 3 weeks.

So as always she didn't pester or nag as he walked slightly ahead of her as he vigilantly scanned their surroundings as he walked her home.

Most nights they just walked in a comfortable silence with her occasional comment about work. It depended on if he would come in the bar during her shift or would be outside waiting for her. She knew he had a thing about spaces and people, so if he did come in it was always near closing when the crowd would slowly disperse and he would wait in the corner for her. Other days he would sit at the bar near her in the corner be a watch dog and eye the debauchery with a curious amused, but sometimes aghast expression.

Today as it was Saturday, it was the latter. Usually on these days he would question her on something he seen or most likely overhead with his scary good hearing. Most of his inquiries were about the vernacular of this generation's youth.

He had slowed his pace a little so he was right next to her. His voice was low as he asked slowly in English as he tested the words that were leaving his tongue, "Karina, what does THOT mean?"

"That hoe over there. It's basically this generation's version of calling a girl a shared crop or Sheba." Karina explained to him. She tried not to laugh at how his eyes widen slightly at the implications of calling a girl that so publically.

He pursed his lips as his brows crinkled as he looked deep in thought before his steel blue eyes settled on her. "You seem to be well versed in 40s vernacular."

Karina shrugged her shoulders, "Some I looked up and then it's not like they are totally outdated in America. Most if you just listen to the context it isn't hard to decipher." Out of sheer curiosity she did look up things from his true time era and looked him up and his friend Captain America. Plus unbeknownst to him at this point she thought, they were both from Brooklyn just different areas and eras. She remembered a few elderly that still spoke in 40's slang, "Besides some of the lingo is cute."

"Cute?" He questioned looking like a lost puppy.

"Yeah, like watch," Karina stopped walking which'd caused James too as he looked at her confused. Karina gave him a sweet smile as she approached him swaying her hips a little. She bit back the laughter that was threating to crack her sultry actions from his alarmed looked as she pointed a finger at him and smiled seductively. "Hey sugar, are you rationed?"

She watched his eyebrows skyrocket to his hairline and he looked slightly uncomfortable before he released a chuckle. Karina tutted, "See I knew you would know that line. I bet you used to use it on all the _dames_."

He looked at her blankly for a second before he responded with a slight smile, "It's not like I can remember, _doll_."

"I'm pretty sure you did. I mean look at you," Karina said dropping her amused demeanor and turning slightly serious as she waved her hands up him imagining him in his World War II uniform. She even thought about him in his black tactical pants with no shirt on when she was assigned to him, but that image felt wrong considering his circumstance. "You are a _dreamboat_. I bet all the girls were _stuck on_ you, ya _geezer_." She said mimicking a heavy Brooklyn accent.

He looked at her skeptically but she saw the amusement in his blue eyes, "You are really getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"

" _Hubba Hubba,"_ Karina replied causing him to roll his eyes as they began walking back to her apartment. She slowly nudged him in his arm with her elbow, "Don't be such a _fuddy-duddy_."

He rewarded her with a snort, but she saw the smile crinkling his eyes.

It was progress.

…

Bucky wiped his hand over his mouth to get rid of the excess water the spilled after devouring all the remaining liquid he had in his 64 oz. water bottle. It was a hot day as usual and around 12:30 in the afternoon. Well more so probably 12:25 as Karina didn't show up with his lunch until exactly 12:30 on the dot. She was very punctual and he believed it was for his benefit. Even though he would not like to have any remaining philosophies of Hydra in him the one thing that stuck was always following a schedule – a routine. However, with his slowly forming memories he believed he became used to a rigid schedule when he joined the army as he could remember some of his training at a basic training camp in Wisconsin at Camp McCoy. He had a vivid memory of a Colonel yelling at him and his fellow peers to wake up at the crack of dawn with their training gear on and beds made perfectly with no wrinkles in the blankets.

But he believed having some form of schedule would help with his _recovery_. So it didn't bother him that much that he stuck to a monotonous timetable. It was his normal that now was slowly integrating Karina.

A part of him didn't know how he felt about it. The Winter Soldier instinct was screaming at him for forming a connection – for becoming attached – to someone when he was in hiding. He knew eventually she would become a liability. But he found himself enjoying her company even if it was slightly awkward at times.

"So you and Kaylee, huh?"

Bucky turned to the sound of Alex's voice where he was leaning against a front ladder. He knew Alex felt something towards Karina or more so he found Karina extremely attractive. He knew that before they ever went to the bar the way Alex described her.

It wasn't as if she wasn't. Even with his scrambled brain it didn't mean he was blind. Karina was very beautiful. It wasn't an exotic beauty even with her black hair and striking green eyes. It was almost a classic beauty it almost reminded him of the Vivien Leigh or Rita Hayworth, but even then she stood out. When you looked at her of course you would notice her, but how she carried herself it was as if she didn't realize she was a stunning woman.

Plus it didn't help that women's clothing were so dramatically different then what he could remember in the right frame of mind. Some of the clothing he had seen was much more provocative to be considered day wear. Karina didn't dress too daringly. Her clothes were much more fitted as he saw with most clothing. The only distracting thing to him was mainly her legs. He noticed that she mainly were jean shorts that were a variety of colors and designs. Karina wasn't very tall she was only 5'3'' but to keep his thoughts respectful she did have enticing legs along with curves. He had to deter his thoughts from thinking about what if she wore heels with her attire.

If he was the old Bucky he would have already flirted with her. He would have tried to convince her to go dancing or the movies. He would have probably used some of the slang that Karina would lightly tease him about. But he wasn't that Bucky anymore. Honestly, he barely spoke when they hung out.

It wasn't as if he didn't want to talk to her. He just didn't know what to exactly talk about. He didn't exactly want to talk about his time as the Winter Soldier and how he was slowly remembering all the innocent people Hydra had him kill. His kill count was over two dozen and that wasn't including the actual sanctioned people. It included the innocents that either saw him or were a casualty by association of his target like all those SHIELD agents when he attack them on the Insight Hellicarriers. Then there were his spotty memories from his former life with Steve and his family that he was trying to make sense of that he wasn't ready to discuss with anyone. Then he thought maybe that was slightly his problem was he didn't want to talk. After all he was hardly given permission to talk for nearly 70 years. But Karina didn't push and he liked listening to her ramblings. He found them comforting.

"We're just friends." Bucky replied. The words tasted strange on his tongue.

Alex looked at him as if he was wacky. "You're telling me you have a beautiful woman making you food, hanging out with you, and no offense bro but you aren't all _that…_ verbose and you come off a little unapproachable and you friend zoned her!"

Bucky was visibly confused at what friend zoned meant and just stared at Alex blankly who wasn't affected by the look.

"All I'm saying is you have a stunning chick like that on your arm and you haven't tapped that yet…" Alex whistled as he trailed off. Despite Bucky not being well versed in today's form of slang, he knew exactly what Alex was referencing too and he was slightly put off at how openly uncouth men – people – were in talking about intimate activities. He wasn't saying when he was younger that he didn't disclose things mostly likely with Steve, but he didn't do it so openly at the expense of the girl in making her seem loose. "But you obviously seem like the don't kiss and tell type, but man you need to release some of that stress and what better way then reliving it with a beautiful woman." Alex finished off looking dreamily in the sky before he smiled at Bucky before his eyes zoomed past him and his right arm lifted into a wave.

Bucky turned around to find Karina at the opening of the construction site with their lunches as she waved back smiling wearing a tight grey V-neck with bright neon pink shorts.

Karina watched with a mixture of amused and concern as Bucky quickly devoured the last of the three meatball subs she packed for him with her version of an Oliver salad. She was always wary serving him a Russian dish as she was afraid that it would bring unpleasant memories, but he never recognized the dish as he practically inhaled it. In passing remarked he would be fed through IVs and supplements, or MREs if the mission tended to be long. She smacked herself knowing they probably gave him some type of serum to reduce all his urges including something as humane as eating.

But she was amused as for a man with 40's moral, he was eating quite savagely it wasn't messy, but he was strictly focused on his small meal. That's where her concerned came through because knowing he had Hydra's version of the Super Soldier serum, his metabolism was vastly different from a non-enhanced individual. She knew he wasn't really getting the proper nutrients his body needed as it burned through the calories. She knew he possibly didn't feel a significant amount of fatigue from moving beams of wood, but he still needed supplements that her small meals provided.

But besides his significantly lower calories count, she was really concerned about all the layers he wore in the heat while working in the sun. She knew his bionic limb had its own heat sink and was fitted with sensors, but he had the arm consistently covered for 8 hours in scathing heat. It wasn't like he was having maintenance done to it. Plus, he still was human and she suspected he could possibly succumb to a heat stroke or something.

Karina leaned back in the metal chair as she eyed James work on his fairly large portion of his salad. The park where they had taken to having lunch was moderately packed as usual. She knew James still wasn't all that fond of crowds so they sat in a secluded part of the park underneath the shade.

"So how is work?" Karina asked.

He looked at her mid-chew before swallowing, "It's alright, same as every other day."

Karina nodded her head and went to add on something, but closed her mouth to let him finish eating. Not even two seconds later she found his intense steel blue gaze on her.

"Why are you nervous?"

Karina blinked and placed her heads in her lap, "Uh –"

"I can tell. You keep blinking your eyes. Your lips are compressed and your fingers keep tapping on the table or the arm of your chair. Is something wrong?" He asked her before his whole face became serious and his posture tense, "Is it H-"

"No," Karina squeaked out and became immediately embarrassed by the attention that came their way and for potentially making him worried. "No. It's just – I was wondering – offering…I was just thinking about the heat and your overall well-being and if you needed me to check your arm for anything. I can help."

James looked at her blankly and in his eyes she saw despondency pass through it as he frowned. She heard the mechanical hiss of his arm shifting before eventually nodding his head.

* * *

 

Bucky had just landed on the 1st floor on his apartment complex getting ready to head out to see Karina when Adi stopped him calling him over. Bucky didn't need to be an assassin to know that Adi deliberately waited for him. The old man was really nosey; it was slightly becoming a nuisance to him.

"Going to visit your girl?"

Bucky rolled his eyes internally. Adi almost reminded him of the frigid women from when he was younger in the 40s sneered when he would walk his dates home. "We're just friends."

"Oh, I see, so do all your _lady friends_ bring you lunch and personally get your escort services?" Adi goaded with a cackle. "Anyone ever tell you men and women can't be friends?"

Bucky looked at him indifferently as Adi shooed him off. "Alright, I'm done. Don't want to make you late for whatever you two do. It isn't nice to keep a fine lady like that waiting."

Bucky only shook his head as they at least agreed on one thing.

* * *

 

Bucky was sitting in Karina's old recliner as he watched TV as she made dinner. He could admit he was becoming slightly addicted to the TV. He vaguely remembered TVs in his generation which looked more like this generation's version of a radio. But he was amazed by the plethora of channels and variety of shows the entertainment industry offered. Yet he knew he wasn't exactly watching all these new shows legally as Karina mentioned she was stealing cable. He thought she meant the wire, but apparently TV ran by cable or satellite. But either way she was getting it illegally. But it wasn't as if he was exactly a law abiding citizen either and he came to realize half the things she owned she came by illegally, or more accurately she would find it in the trash and fix it up.

But he wasn't complaining. He was actually enjoying a show about zombies – or walkers – as they referenced to them in the show.

His attention was diverted as Karina entered the bedroom portion of her apartment. He knew that she seemed to be conscious of her apartment which he thought was strange. He didn't expect her to be living in glamour considering the situation. Plus his apartment was worse than hers in regards to actual interior. While his apartment lacked warmth and personality, hers didn't. She had made her apartment feel like a home. He could see Karina's personality all throughout the small place. His only problem with the apartment was that it was in a shitty neighborhood and it was part of the reason he took her to and from work and spent most of his time here.

Since they were in the privacy of her apartment she would forgo her fake glasses with her heavy black eyeliner and she always referred to him as James. At first it didn't bother him as when he was addressed by Bucky – by Steve or read it – it felt suffocating to a point. It set his brain on fire and he didn't feel like he was Bucky. So James didn't bother him, in fact thinking on it, he didn't recall ever really providing her with a name to address him, she just started to call him that in private. However, as his memories came back and he himself became comfortable in acknowledging his nickname, he thought he was going to correct her in telling her she could refer to him as Bucky. Besides strict nuns, he remembered only his mom would use his given name which he could remember feeling a slight annoyance to a point with because he had a feeling he was in trouble when she would address him by his full government name. His sister referred to him as Jamie. Steve used Bucky, but always shortened it to Buck. Then it seemed everyone else just knew to call him Bucky.

Somehow, he liked that she called him by his given name. He liked how it flowed from her lips. He watched as she took in the scene on the TV before her green eyes rested on him a small smile graced her full lips, "I think you're only my friend because of my TV."

"So we're friends now?" He kidded even though his face was practically expressionless. Yet she caught on to his dry humor as her eyes sparkled with amusement before they settled into that rich dark emerald that he found so intriguing.

"I'm whatever you want me to be."

Bucky knew this was when he should have known to back away. By staying and answering, her statement would only cause problems in the long run. It would only cause trouble for both of them down the road. He was unstable at times. He was broken, a malfunctioned piece of equipment. He could literally break her bones if he held her hand to hard. He was a danger to himself as much as he was her.

But because he discovered he was selfish when it came to whatever was happening to him when it came to her, he easily replied, "Friends sounds good."


	4. The Things He Carries

She was going to hell.

She was going to the bottomless pit of angry flames and rot in there for all of eternity. She might even become a servant to god damn Lucifer because of her thoughts, as she sure as hell knew there wasn't a Crowley in hell. It seemed all ethics she gained flew out the window and she turned into a bimbo, or more accurately a dog salivating at the mouth at the site of a bone, or in her circumstance James' physique.

Her memory did not do her justice than again she didn't have that lingering fear that he could snap her neck at any moment. It seemed that lifting heavy metal beams and wooden planks was enough for him to maintain his mouth watering frame.

What was even worse she knew her slight ogling was obvious which was even more embarrassing. However, she doubted he could hear her heartbeat even with his scary heightened hearing, but he could read body language. That made her feel worst because he was her friend and she was practically lusting after him physically. But she wasn't blind. She was honest when she told him he was a dreamboat even with his whole caveman look considering she knew what was under all that long hair and ill-fitting clothing. He seriously needed a haircut as his hair was reaching past his sternum and she decided she would slowly work on convincing him he needed to work on his grooming skills. The only thing he sort of routinely kept in check was his facial hair especially as she remarked if he grew a beard his tan would be all types of fucked up. She remembered her mortification that she even swore in front of him but all he did was laugh. He gave a real genuine laugh that mirrored the one she seen of him in the video with Captain America at the Smithsonian. But she knew he really didn't care for aesthetic considering he wore long sleeve shirts. His seemingly natural tan skin seemed to have gone to hell right along with her.

Most importantly she already knew he was slightly out of his comfort zone, sitting in his dining chair, at his apartment with his shirt off letting her examine his left arm. He was sitting still staring blankly ahead although she knew he was aware of all her movement. His stance mirrored how he sat expressionlessly back at the DC Hydra base. He only talked when prompted, but other than thought she was being a Chatty Cathy hoping to distract herself enough from her gawking. She wouldn't be surprised if he had tuned her out. She should have done this at her place at least he would have had a TV to watch. Or maybe a radio, she realized when he came to her house he hadn't explored music. She knew she wasn't going to be much help with getting him up to date on that besides the most famous artists like Michael Jackson, The Beatles, or what not as besides 90s R&B that she enjoyed she stuck to alternative or Indie Pop. She knew music was different widely in production compared to his days, but in her opinion she believed he might like Bruno Mars though. She might start with his catalog after the initial MJ, Beatles, and Elvis introduction. But as she looked around his apartment he didn't even have a radio, she thought she might have saw a police scanner, but he didn't have anything. He took his cavemen look way too seriously. She wouldn't be surprised if next he replaced his newspaper drapes with leaves or straws and for pictures have cave drawings.

As she was feeling his spine and his ribs since they had reinforced his body with the titanium alloys to be able to support his left arm, she could tell he was extremely uncomfortable. She wasn't thoughtless and she knew James had to be experiencing a severe care of body dysmorphia when it came to his limb, especially now that he knew the reason Hydra gave him the most distinctive feature on his body. She couldn't fault him if some days he hated the limb. Though she couldn't see him outright rejecting it as she knew he still functioned pretty well with it and handling "fragile" things in regards to sensation and pressure. She had yet seen him accidently crush something even though she knew with a slap he could break someone's jaw while she was sure he could do that with his flesh hand as well.

She really wanted to ask him if he felt phantom pains but she thought that would be tactless and maybe not any of her concern.

She had performed a simple maintenance check on his arm and found he had no damage, which slightly shocked her considering he was battling Captain America and fell from a Helicarrier. But it wasn't like Hydra would give him shitty metal and she remembered after she was informed of him using his hand as a break when he flew from a car leaving scratched in the asphalt there wasn't any damage to his fingers. She gently probed his extremely warm skin as she was making sure his muscles and bones weren't becoming worn. Though she wasn't exactly too knowledgeable in that area in regards to the serum. His serum probably acted like an immunosuppressant in regards to his body accepting everything that came with his metal limb. It was better to be safe than sorry, but she couldn't ignore his tense posture. It reminded her when he told her that her fingers were warm.

She removed her hand and stood up and crossed her arms as she looked at him, "You know I don't have to do this. Now or ever, if you don't want me too."

James turned towards her. His violent blue eyes pinned on her as he stared wordlessly. She was used to it at this point. It was just one of his mannerisms, but she was learning how to read his eyes as each day they become more expressive if she knew what to look for. She could clearly see that he wanted to say something as he was the one to break his staring first by blinking a few times before looking past her at one of his walls. His jaw clenched a few times and he started to open his mouth but clamped it shut and just ran his flesh hand through his hair with the slightest shake of his head.

Karina frowned faintly. She tried not to be hurt that he didn't feel he could talk to her. She wasn't expecting him to lay out his worst nightmares – the missions Hydra made him do - and if he did she would most certainly listen. It was she just wanted something other than him bottling it up inside. She would settle for what he was feeling or maybe some innocent memories he remembered before Hydra, but she concluded those were probably more painful for him to recall considering what Hydra made him into to.

She knew he wrote things down as she, being unintentionally nosey, came across one of his notebooks that were resting on top of the fridge. She had opened it to skim when he came out of the bathroom causing her to jump and drop the small notebook on the ground feeling like she overstepped a major boundary. But he didn't say anything just gave her that blank stare and set the notebook back to its original resting place and she went back to cooking. No mention of what she possibly read.

She placed her hand gently on his left shoulder. The metal was considerably cooler compared to his flesh, she didn't squeeze it; she just weightlessly placed it there as he looked at her hand like it could possibly burn her. Seeing he wasn't going to say anything she spoke, "If you ever need to talk, I'm a good listener." She gave him a reassuring smile before she dropped her hand, "So tell me is my hand still warm?"

He gave her the faintest of smile before his eyes zoned on her hands and a deep frown settled on his face. Now Karina was becoming worried.

"Ja –"

" - I'm sorry."

Karina clamped her lips shut and now she was seriously confused. "Sorry for what?"

"If it was for me, this," he looked down at his left arm as he clutched it in a fist and caused the plates to shift, "you would still have your life. You would be home finishing your degree with your friends. You wouldn't be here in _this_ or in fear for your life. All I do is ruin people and lives."

The way he looked at her his blue eyes so tortured it made a lump form in her throat before his words registered in her brain and made her marginally annoyed and angry. Of all the things she expected him to tell her, he told her _this_. He was carrying around misguided guilt for something he had no control over. This only made her hate Hydra more. She wished she had the skills to take them down and even more have the ability to time travel and take out the Red Skull and his pudgy minion Zola who technically created The Winter Soldier and stripped Bucky of his identity – his autonomy.

"Don't do _this_ , James." She said sharply causing his eyes to widen at her tone. "Don't carry what I'm in on your shoulders. There isn't even a possible way for any blame to go to you. Do you realize that? I mean I don't even understand how you can even twist this situation up so much that you would even come to feel that what they did to you is why I'm here. If it's any one's fault all accountability for both of our predicaments is on Hydra. They are the assholes! You were a prisoner of war. Do you realize what they did to you – what they made you do - wasn't your fault."

He broke his chilling gaze from her. She knew she was hitting a nerve as he clenched his jaw before his eyes turned that violent blue that held a hurricane, "I still did it."

"You don't blame the gun; you blame the person pulling the trigger. You weren't the one pulling the trigger on any of them."

* * *

 

The place was crowded; it was filled with people who were dressed in their finest clothing. They were celebrating something. Even from his perch in the building next to it, he could hear the mid- tempo music and the sound of intoxicated laughter. His target he noticed was surprisingly sober compared to her peers. She took generous sips of her champagne and she never left the side of her companion.

He thought she must felt him gazing through her on his scope as she looked over her shoulders at least a dozen times in the past five minutes. She wasn't very clever hiding her anxiety. But she was at least smart in hiding from the windows as she did for most of the night. The only reason he didn't take her out now or even when she was sitting in a corner concealed by a wall it was his orders not to make the kill public. He had to wait until the signal. He suspected she was speaking at this event and whatever she said determined her fate.

So he sat there for three hours hardly blinking, fatigue not even creeping into his bones. He stayed fixed in position, with his rifle, his eye looking through the scope. He just watched.

Analyzed.

The decreasing temperature not even bothering him yet he suspected no place could be colder than Siberia.

He watched as she eventually approached the podium. As she walked up the steps she turned her head looking behind her as if he was right there next to her on her shoulder. Her speech was fifteen minutes long, and he noticed her anxious demeanor slowly dissipated with each pause in her words. He saw the defiance in her stance as she addressed her crowd. At the end, she smiled as the crowd roared and applauded. But she looked passed all of them eyeing the windows and smiled.

He got his signal.

He waited in the shadows of her bedroom. The boldness she had during her speech evaporated as she was a trembling mess. He could see her hands shaking as she took off each piece of her jewelry causing it to clatter against her jewelry box. Her breathes were uneven as she clutched at her heart as if she was having a heart attack.

He was going to wait until she went into her bathroom. His ordered were to make it look like an accident – no witness and to not do excessive damage to her body.

So he waited as she slowly wiped away the makeup on her porcelain skin. She looked sickly pale. Her hands were still shuddering as she released her ginger hair from its elegant up do. She kicked her shoes off leaving them under her vanity before she made her way to her bathroom.

He finally moved from his spot in the shadow. By time she noticed him it was too late as his metal hand had latched onto her hair painfully tugging at her roots.

Except when he looked down the hair that had woven in between his metal fingers wasn't ginger, but black like feathers on a crow. Pale skin was replaced with tan smooth skin. And he was staring in vibrant green eyes and she was begging for him to stop.

In his gut something didn't feel right about the scenario. Something was tugging at his mind as the woman cried. But as if something was controlling him it didn't stop him from tightening his grip on the woman's hair to the point he needed to be aware that he was a few pressures away from ripping it. He dragged her to the sink as she kicked and screamed and it wasn't until he saw his reflection in the mirror with his muzzle and tactical gear and red star gleaming in the bright light that he realized that wasn't him anymore.

He realized the weight on his left hand was heavier and blood was dripping from the edge of the sink onto the floor onto his boots.

Shifting his gaze, he found green dead eyes staring up at him.

Karina's dead eyes.

Bucky jumped up from his bed gasping for air that the need for it almost suffocated him. He didn't even register he tore his t-shirt right into two pieces of scraps as he felt overheated and craved for the cool air to decrease the bump in temperature on his warm skin. In the blinding headache from his regenerating memory, he somehow ended slumped in his shower with cool water hitting his skin.

It sadly reminded him off the "showers" Hydra supplied him with except the water pressure was increased and much more demeaning. But for now he found comfort in the cold water.

He knew he was going to have some form of night terror after letting Karina look at his arm and the ensuing conversation. He just didn't expect an actual memory to turn to something like _that_. Even with Karina telling him nothing was his fault…he still killed people. He was the one that pulled the trigger on his targets disrupting families – the world. He hated even reading history books considering his "work helped shape the century" with the metal limb that he found himself loathing every day.

He didn't even know why he let Karina examine it. He felt perturbed how she easily handled it not seeming to mind that it was a deadly weapon. His metal hand crushed many throats and broken bones and it didn't seem to faze her. She made sure he was okay. She made sure the arm wasn't harming him.

What disturbed him the most, was as she was checking it how he felt comforted by her being the one handling his arm. He blamed the initial memories of her just being different. She didn't roughhouse with him. She didn't make snide comments like he remembered in his earliest years. She didn't objectify him. She _cared_ for him.

He wondered how she would feel knowing he tried to rip off his arm before. Bucky looked down where the metal and flesh meshed resulting in angry scarring. He remembered his flesh fingers digging in the crevices trying to pull off the metal as his memories tugged at his brain. At that point, his head was hurting worse than his fingers digging into his muscle.

Yet, despite how much he hated his arm at times, it was vital to his survival. It was what made him as lethal as he could be. It was what would be able to protect him and Karina if his past caught up to him.

The tired former soldier turned off the water and quickly changed out of his soiled clothing and didn't even try to go back to sleep knowing it would evade him considering the dream he had.

Instead he did what he normally did on these types of night, which was grab one of his many notebooks that weren't filled cover to back and write down the lingering details from the memory and hopefully those details brought a wave of new ones. So far all his notebooks contained more memories of his time held by Hydra than when he was _himself_.

There were a few scattered memories placed between his horrors due to Hydra, most of them contained Steve, some were of his family. After he retrieved the memory of his little sister, Rebecca, being born he quickly purchased a notebook so those memories wouldn't be tainted by who he eventually became.

Some days he seriously considered leaving Bucharest and going after Hydra himself. He had the skills for it. He knew he could get the resources. But it just didn't feel right. He wanted revenge, but a part of him knew that depending on the right person – someone who knew exactly how they handled him – he would be right back in their clutches and there wouldn't be a Steve or even Karina to pull him back.

He knew that was what Steve and his friends – The Avengers - were doing though. He just read an article about it in the newspaper Karina tried to shield from him no doubt thinking he would have a fit seeing Steve. He could say maybe at first if they had found each other when he was first gathering his bearings – his identity – he might not have been so keen to see or hear anything about Steve. Now he was unsure. It probably depended on his fluctuating mood. He knew he wasn't ready to talk to Steve in person, but he could think about Steve theoretically, just not personally.

Yet, he was beginning to think he wouldn't ever retrieve all his memories. He felt he still had like a black hole in his mind. He suspected since he did fall from a train the trauma from that alone did a significant amount of damage to his brain.

Bucky recalled Karina's offer from earlier that if he needed to talk she would listen. Sometimes he wanted to tell her about what he remembered or just talk about how things were dramatically different. But he didn't want her to look at him differently which was somewhat idiotic for him to even think that as she met him when he was Hydra's weapon. He almost killed her once. But he justified keeping his thoughts to himself as she didn't know how much he was broken – how truly deadly he could be all from a few words and a memory wipe.

If he had it his way she would never know.

He would just be James to her.

* * *

 

Bucky had just drowned his fifth cup of coffee when a knock came at his door near 11 o clock in the morning. He could tell by the knocks who it was and he should have known she would have visited. They didn't necessarily ever make set plans. Somehow they just ended spending their days together. He was surprised she didn't get sick of him since he could admit at times he was rather poor company, but she never complained. However, he knew she wouldn't anyways.

He placed his cup on his tattered table and opened the door. The former graduate student was wearing her fake glasses and her eyes were lined with its thick eyeliner. Her long hair set in a French side braid. She was wearing a very loose gray tank top that revealed the wings and straps to her black lace bra with her signature short shorts that were maroon with black converses. Sometimes he still couldn't get over to how much modern clothing revealed.

"You look like shit."

Bucky's eyes snapped up to her face where he realized he had been staring at her legs for too long at her greeting. He had come to find her swearing amusing and endearing as he remembered girls didn't publically using expressive language. Plus since her 1st initial use of an expletive about his tan line it seemed swear words were interchangeable in her vocabulary and she was censoring herself for his 40's moral.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."

He looked at her confused but then he followed her line of sight which was on his chest and he realized he never bothered putting a shirt back on. "No," he said shaking his head and moved to the side to let her in his apartment. He closed the door silently and followed her into his living room area where he found her staring intently at his bed where his shirt was still there ripped in two pieces. She walked over to the area holding the two thin strips of fabric.

"Rough night?"

He shrugged indifferently.

"It was me wasn't it?"

His blue eyes snapped to her expressive green eyes that were swarmed in sadness. "What?"

"Me checking your arm, it brought back unpleasant memories didn't it?"

He blinked unsure of how to answer as he didn't want to lie to her as her checking his arm didn't necessarily bring back memories and he wasn't going to blame her from having an unpleasant dream.

Before he could register, Karina was sitting on his couch the tore fabrics of his shirt forgotten as she buried her face in her hands. It took a moment to realize she was talking as it was muffled by her hands and heavy breathing. He knew she was on the verge of crying. "I'm so sorry. All I'm doing is trying to help and I feel like I am making it worse. I just don't want you to be alone. I'm just trying to be your friend."

Bucky looked at her intensely as an uncomfortable feeling was churning in his gut as he saw tears brim in her eyes. All he could think that eventually one day she would be crying for something worse. And all he would do was ultimately destroy her world more than he already had. With a heavy breath he replied, "Maybe we shouldn't be friends."

He watched as her tears evaporated as she looked utterly appalled at his suggestion before a strange noise escaped from her throat and she looked away from him. She leaned back in his beat in couch, her eyes burning a hole through the window. He could tell he pissed her off and he didn't need to be a master at reading body language to know, even his amnesic self could see it – he could taste it as his own apartment felt suffocating.

He almost laughed considering he was supposed to be a terrifying assassin, but he was scared of a 5'3'' woman who probably weighed 120 pounds soaking wet.

"Don't do that, don't push me away." Her green eyes were boring into his and he speculated this was what she felt like when he would stare too long at her. "I'm here because _I want_ to be. I'm not stupid, I am well aware of what you been through. I may not know every exact detail or even the extent, but don't forget I was there for some of it and I-I was _there_. So stop acting like you are forcing me to be here. You may find this hard to believe but I do generally enjoy your company. So respect my decision – my choice."

As she stared at him he got a flashback of Steve – scrawny, but determined – telling him it was his right and duty to serve his country like every other man in America. He remembered feeling exasperated as he looked down at another rejected enlistment card with his friend's false information. At that point he didn't know what was worse watching his friend keep getting rejected or them actually accepting them. He remembered wanting to contend more, but knew it was only going to go on deaf ears as his friend was stubborn as a bull. He begrudgingly accepted his friend's idiotic decision to keep trying to get in the army.

As he looked at Karina with her wide angry green eyes, he knew she was right. He needed to respect her decision – her choice.

_Although the only thing he concluded was she was just as stubborn and as Steve._


	5. Holiday

_**December 2014** _

Bucky lingered in the back doorway of his apartment as he watched Karina make a little snowman on the ledge of his balcony. "Do you need to stand so close to the ledge?"

Karina turned to look at him with her rosy cheeks and nose that was rivaling Rudolph's. She was wearing a black winter coat with a gray beanie – knit cap in his head – and a scarf that wasn't doing that great of a job shielding her from the cold. Her eyes flashed with amusement as she stepped away from the ledge abandoning her task, "Well now I don't want you to blow a fuse."

Bucky rolled his eyes, "I was coming to tell you that your hot chocolate was done."

Karina abandoned her task and trudged into his kitchen where the hot chocolate was waiting on the counter. He closed his door keeping the cold air out. It was a few days before Christmas and since Karina had picked up the holiday shifts, she insisted that they celebrate early. So his apartment was filled with secondhand decorations and various paper crafts that included a small Paper Mache tree.

He leaned against the counter as he watched her take a tentative sip of her beverage and he tried not to laugh as her face scrunched up from her burning her tongue. "Hot?"

He chuckled at the glare she sent his way before he stood next to her and grabbed his own mug that wasn't filled with hot chocolate.

"That's not coffee."

Bucky looked at Karina who had lowered her mug back onto the counter to let it cool. He extended the mug on the pretense to let her have a sip, but she only sniffed it before her green eyes looked back up to him. "You can't even get drunk."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Doesn't mean I don't mind the taste." He extended the cup to her offering her a sip. "Try some."

"What is it?"

"Whiskey," he told her as she accepted the mug, "the good kind," he added on.

"You mean the good kind you can afford." She joked as she sniffed the cup before taking a tentative sip.

One thing Bucky did not expect was for Karina to be a light weight. He was surprised how fast the alcohol hit her system. He thought since she worked at a bar and he saw her accept the occasional drink she would have had a better resistance. His calculations were totally wrong. The alcohol made her very chatty as she completely abandoned speaking in Romanian and English. She was now speaking heavily in Russian. He noticed that she seemed to barely speak Russian around him. He didn't necessarily mind it if she did. He tried not to think she had an ulterior motive for it, but he knew why she didn't. Yet he liked to think hearing Russian wouldn't cause him to go on a homicidal rage. Even if it was the language of his imprisoners, it was still a language. He only needed to be wary of a certain sequence of words. He was fairly certain that if she spoke to him in her native tongue those words would never consecutively fall from her lips. He felt a small pang in his chest knowing how much she looked out for him.

Nevertheless, he didn't mind hearing the language from her lips. It was nice to hear Russian that wasn't coming from angry, harsh, brutal lips. This Russian was friendly, happy, and to a point it was comforting as he was seeing a side of her that she kept away from him.

But he listened highly amused as she ranted about whatever popped into her head as she was stuffed quite snuggly in her winter gear courtesy of him. As the last thing she needed was a cold.

She went on to detail all the technical features of his arm and how she would have performed the procedure. He thought he would feel uncomfortable as he knew that her method and anyone else's _humane_ method wouldn't have a person awake during the procedure. This topic would have brought unwanted ghost souring the jovial mood. Instead, he was incredibly impressed how smart she was. He already knew she was extremely intelligent, but to hear her talk so passionately about her work, he ignored the occasional slur of her Russian words, he felt proud for her. However it was tainted with a splash of guilt as she would never get the recognition for it. She would never probably get her degree and be able to help other people like she wanted too.

Than somehow the topic turned to his nice dark eyelashes which made him realize she stared at him as much he did to her. His eyelashes soon turned to his rich dark chocolate hair that although he pulled off the _Jesus_ look he needed a haircut. In her words it was the right thing to do. The hair took away from his stormy cornflower eyes and his chiseled jawline. But then she vehemently opposed the idea of the haircut claiming he already had enough girls wanting to lift their skirts up at him being the _dreamboat_ he was, which left him severely confused as to what she was even talking about as people barely glanced in his direction.

However after she took a break to seemingly catch her breath her lighthearted ramblings turned serious.

"My parents met on Christmas," she was speaking back in English, her Brooklyn accent heavy, he didn't realize how she much she covered it up.

Her eyes were glossy as she looked over the ledge and their view happened to be just other buildings that were covered in ice and snow.

Not once since they met in Romania has he ever heard her mention her parents. He knew about Anya, a woman that owned a Butcher shop, who took her in as one of her own. He never really questioned it. But he knew Anya was her mother figure. "My dad died before I was born, near Christmas actually. My mom never told me how he died just that he was a good man who was trying to fix his mistakes, whatever that meant. She only talked about him on Christmas. In fact, Christmas was the only time she talked about her past before she came to America after the fall of the Soviet Union with me in her belly. I look like my mother, I don't have any pictures as she refused to have any taken, but from what I remember of her I know I was the spitting image. I remember her telling me, _you have my looks, but your father's brain_. And what haunts me is how sad and afraid she was that it turned out that way. She hated my interest in science and stuff."

"What happened to her?"

"She died in a car crash when I was 8."

Bucky frowned. "I'm sorry."

She only shrugged her shoulders, "I learned to live with it. Can't dwell on it and let it consume me."

"What were your parents' names?"

"Abram and Yelena Noskov, but when we came here my mom change our last name to Orlov, my father's mother maiden name."

Bucky's body tensed on hearing her parents' – her surname. He knew that name Noskov. He could picture a man being addressed by that name where he was kept in Siberia. He could distinctly remember a man with black close crop hair and mustache performing maintenance on his arm. The man was nervous and his hands kept shaking, Bucky remembered a slight flare of annoyance that the man kept dropping tools. Bucky remembered something being off about the man as the man kept _looking_ at him as if he needed to tell him something or as if…he recognized _him_. He couldn't ponder too long on the significance of the man Noskov and the fact it may have been Karina's father and with his shitty luck he knew it probably was when he realized she was asking him a question.

"Do you remember anything from your holidays?"

She was looking back at him now, her eyes were still glossy and dazed, she looked almost sleepy and he suspected she was in the tired phase of her drunkenness. He burrowed his hands deeper in his pockets, which could have been mistaken that he was cold, but he was used to the frigidness of low temperatures. Instead he was trying to think if he did remember anything from back when he was younger. The only thing that he could remember most vividly was that he fell in early December leaving his family – Steve – to mourn him during the holiday. But he knew he had to have at least something stowed deep in his mind about a good event.

"I think, my sister, Rebecca's favorite holiday was Christmas. I get flashes of her running around in a ruby red dress with black shoes. I think it was her church dress. My dad actually hated Christmas due to the weather since he was a soldier during the First Great War no doubt there was an unfavorable memory associated with it, but I know for my mom and Becca he put on a brave face."

Now that he was talking about it he could remember his father vividly promising his mother he wouldn't ruin the day for Rebecca. He could recall him saying that it wasn't that bad anymore as now he had the warmth of his beautiful wife and two of his greatest achievements to keep him warm. He also remembered thinking it was gross as he caught his parents kissing. Afterwards, he remembered telling Steve how gross it was then he felt peeved when Steve didn't exactly agree and said that's what parents do and how they show their love. But then he remembered Sarah didn't have Joseph and only Steve. He felt bad his friend didn't have his father and he told Steve that his dad could be his daddy too.

"And since Steve had a lot of health problems back then, me and occasionally Rebecca would build snowmen outside his house. Or against his mother's wishes and his general overall health I would help sneak him outside and we would have a snowball fight or he would build his own snowman. We both get caught considering his immune system was shit. But it was nice, when his mom and him would come over for most of the holidays, I think. I can't remember much, but it's just the feeling."

She only nodded her head. The amusement he felt from hearing her drunken thoughts dissipating as it gradually turned somber. The night was turning harsher and he knew a snow storm was going to come very soon as the snow was coming down harder. He was only seconds anyway from going to propose to Karina that they should head back inside when she turned to him. Her expression was thoughtful and her emerald eyes soft as they trailed over his face. "You never talk about him – Steve."

His blue eyes immediately left hers as he looked out into the winter tide. The cold reminded him of the time him and Steve had to ride in the back of an ice truck. It was easier to think of Steve in that way of him just there in a scenario and just remembering. It was _articulating_ the emotions that came with Steve he couldn't handle. Sometimes he thought he was too fragile to handle the weight of his past and his past contained Steve. Plus, every time he thought of Steve he just remembered him being his last mission. He almost killed him on the Helicarrier. He still had flashbacks at how he ruthlessly pounded into his friend's face and Steve just let him.

He knew Steve was looking for him as if roles were reversed, he would be doing the same thing. He knew one day it was going to happen though. Steve would find him.

"I'm not the guy he remembers."

"I'm pretty sure he isn't the same guy you remember either." She countered which he gave her a scowl in return to which she only laughed. "You're always looking in the past, James, and you're not going to find anyone there because we're here. _I'm_ here. Besides, James, _seriously_ you think too much. You even make my head hurt."

Bucky shook his head as her words were hitting him harder than he expected, a smile teased his lips, "I think that's the whiskey, doll."

Her nose crinkled, "Maybe."

Bucky stood and extended his hand, "Come on, sweetheart, let's get you inside."

Her icy cold hand grasped his palm as he helped her stand up on her wobbly legs. "You know I like it when you call me that, James."

He tilted his head down where her head was resting against his left shoulder. He got a whiff of her jasmine from her hair. It went well with her perfume sent that smelled fruity, then sweet mixed with a chocolate and floral aroma. It was different than the coconut from D.C. "Call you what?"

"You know your little 40s terms of _endearment_. You smile when you say them, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes." She said giving a weak army salute.

"You're a talkative drunk, babydoll." He muttered while directing her back into his apartment as he tried to ignore how he liked the sound of his full name rolled off her tongue.

* * *

 

She was incredibly warm. It wasn't an uncomfortable sweltering warm that caused clammy skin. It was a nice comfortable warm that reminded her fresh linen coming out of the dryers. The only problem was her cool pillow was hard. It was like laying on metal.

Karina's eye flew opened and she immediately sprung up. She immediately recognized that she wasn't in her apartment. She wasn't sleeping in her bed. She looked down and felt relieved that her clothes were still on. She looked to her right and she jumped when she saw James staring at her blankly. Instantly the hairs on her neck stood up because his eyes weren't his twisted violent blue that was swarmed with emotions, but that icy steel cold blue.

When her gaze flickered downward it was when she noticed that he wasn't wearing one of his many layers of long sleeve shirts, a plain short sleeve, or no shirt at all. Instead it was his black tactical gear. Her eyes quickly snapped up and before her mouth could even open to question him she found herself slammed back on the mattress with enough force that she felt she busted through it down to the floor while his metal hand wrapped around her throat.

Her hands immediately latched onto his titanium wrist even though she knew her attempts wouldn't even lessen the pressure even with her legs kicking everywhere that he instantaneously stopped as he distributed himself to trap her legs.

"J-J-Ja…mes." She tried clawing at him and she managed to scratch his face, but it didn't deter him especially as he straightened himself out further from her. In fact, she thought she felt her throat slowly crushing.

"Ready to comply," she heard him mutter angrily in Russian and she felt his fingers digging deeper and she knew right there it was going to end as darkness began clawing at her vision.

Karina jumped and gasped loudly for air and her hands immediately went to her throat to check for any sign of damage. The nightmare still lingering on her as she looked around recognizing she was somehow at James' apartment, but he wasn't in the bed with her. He was sleeping on his couch that was way too small for him as his feet were dangling off the edge. She was bewildered on why she was sleeping in his apartment, but the pounding headache told her why she was sleeping in his bed.

Guilt racked her that her mind would conjure something so twisted about him. She knew James would never intentionally hurt her even if he didn't believe it. She slowly got out of his bed and walked quietly into his bathroom shutting the door. She turned the water on to a low pressure as she knew he had crazy hearing and he already didn't enough sleep. She splashed some water on her face and was taking a few calming breathes when her heart rate spiked at the sound of a tortured scream coming from the other side of the door.

Karina wasn't stupid. She knew the last thing she was ever supposed to do was wake someone up from a nightmare. She absolutely wasn't going to wake up James during his nightmare considering she didn't want a reenactment of her own night terror. His breathing was becoming labored and erratic. She could hear the mechanical hum of his arm becoming louder as the plates shifted.

Despite wanting to help him, she knew she couldn't. She had to let him ride it out.

Instead, she looked for something warm to put on as his apartment was frigid due to the shitty heating system and for some reason she was wearing shorts and she hoped for the sake of her dignity he didn't need to put them on her. Trying not to feel like she was overstepping a boundary, she found a black hoodie in one of his wicker baskets that kept his clothes. She had slipped the warm fabric over her head when she jumped when a loud primal scream tore from his throat before he began shouting loud in Russian and English begging to whoever to stop. It seemed like a good thing he lived on the top floor of the building only the ceiling could hear his screams.

Karina was extremely conflicted on what to do as his distress amplified. She suspected he was having a flashback of when he broke through the conditioning of Hydra as he was begging for them to stop in-between the screaming. Yet, she felt ice slide down her back when his screams turned to a broken sob as he muttered _why they were doing this_. She swallowed the lump that had lodged in her throat at his suffering and it made her wonder how he even functioned and she was only _hearing_ his pain.

She sat on the edge of his bed and watched as his fists tightened and his breathing go from hard too heavy to shallow and his cries became inaudible. Before he went still.

Karina got up silently as she could after a beat of silence and walked towards where James was fitfully sleeping. She peered over him to him and she exhaled at breathe that he was now calm, but she made her mistake of making too loud of a noise as his eyes snapped open. With speed that almost gave her whiplash she found herself shoved on her back in the exact same spot he was laying before with his metal hand around her throat, her own hands wrapping around his cool wrist was automatic. It wasn't a suffocating pressure, but it was tight enough that she knew a bruise could form.

"Ja-James?"

He didn't budged and with the little moonlight all she could see were his piercing blue eyes staring blankly at her with no hint of recognition.

She was unsure of what to do and she suspected he was still sleeping. She tried to calm her breathing or what little she could do with his hand obstructing her airway.

"James," her hands moved away from his wrist and she tentatively caressed his warm face, "James, its okay. You're not there anymore." She kept repeating those lines of comfort as her hand went up to his scalp and massaged it gently. The pressure on her throat decreased before unexpectedly his dead weight toppled upon her causing her to release a pained _oomph_.

She knew he weighed a ton alone from his metal arm, but this…she was going to pull a muscle just trying to scoot him off to the side or to a positon at least one of her lungs could function. Somehow she was able to tilt him off to the side without waking him except his face was literally smashed into her boobs. The good thing to a point was his left arm's dead weight was dangling off the couch except now she kind of wanted it as his body was like an inferno.

She didn't even need the hoodie.

* * *

 

Bucky woke up to the sensation of his nose being tickled and his blanket weighing more than a pound and thicker. He groggily opened his eyes as his metal hand swiped at his nose when he realized it was a pile of black hair splayed across his chest and partially his face. His body immediately tensed as he had no recollection of how Karina would end up on his couch with him.

He began slightly shifting, but froze when Karina let out a noise of discontent from her throat as she snuggled into him. He could admit he was slightly uncomfortable as he wasn't used to human contact to be so gentle and soft. He was used to harsh and rough.

But in the other part of his mind knew this action of her snuggling into him was quite innocent compared to some of the memories that had come back of him with woman when he was younger. And another part of him liked though that Karina felt _safe_ with him enough that she could sleep next to him despite knowing him - his past. Those thoughts brought back his main concern though of how she got on the couch with him.

He resumed his action of trying to get off the couch without jostling his sleepy friend as she was literally latched onto him, but he failed his mission as Karina let out a loud groan, "You're taking away all the heat."

He noticed she made no attempt to get up or move off him, but she seemed to be chasing his warmth as she nestled into him more for his heat. It was then he realized that his apartment was cold and she only had on one of his hoodies and was still wearing the only pair of shorts he had after she partially began stripping off her jeans in front of him as she vehemently stated she couldn't sleep in jeans. "How did you get on the couch?"

She kept her eyes closed as she spoke, "I woke up during the middle of the night and you were having a nightmare. You eventually settled down and I walked over to you as I didn't know you were up and I think I made too much noise as the next thing I knew you had me pinned to the couch." Before he could even open his mouth or check to make sure he didn't do any damages she cut him off. "I'm fine. It was… _odd_ because your eyes were open, but you weren't saying anything or choking me, for the lack of better words. So I just spoke to you softly and then," her green eyes popped open and he could see the amusing glint in them, "you face planted into my boobs."

Heat crept up on his neck as his eyebrows rose, "…sorry." She nodded her head and seemed to be trying to go back to sleep, but he felt guilt creeping up on him as something much worse could have had happened. "Karina last night –"

She shrugged stopping his words, "James, seriously, its okay. What happened last night, I know you didn't mean to or would ever intentionally hurt me. So please don't go that route. _However_ , I think I strained a muscle just trying to shove you onto your side. You weigh a _lot_."

Bucky rolled his eyes at her exaggeration as his eyes found his digital clock that read it was only a quarter after seven in the morning. He was up an hour later than he usually was.

"So," his blue eyes flickered back to Karina who had shifted to her back cracking her stiff muscles, "you're a breast man?" She teased with a waggle of her brows.

Bucky pushed her off the couch causing her to erupt in laughter.

* * *

 

"You know you can go home. You don't need to stay here my whole shift."

"I'm fine."

Karina knew that was a big fat lie as he looked everything but _fine_. The crowd was larger tonight than usual as it was Christmas and people with nowhere to go, no families, and the general alcoholics were here at Lucky celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Everyone was in a jolly mood with their beer sloshing in their cups and spilling over the edge. They didn't even need the stereo as everyone was providing music by singing quite horribly and drunkenly their rendition of holiday music.

She also knew that James didn't do crowds.

It made him anxious as his eyes swept everyone in the building as he catalogued their attire and any defining characteristic he could pick up. Sometimes she compared James to a Hound dog in regards to his tracking skill.

Karina fixed a heavy and obvious stare down at him wishing she could be able to crack him just once. At first, he ignored her before eventually his stormy eyes clashed with hers with a raise of an eyebrow. James was wearing the grey beanie she bought him for Christmas that covered his long hair she was itching to cut. He was wearing a navy blue pea jacket that looked awfully similar to his Howling Commandos days. She didn't know if it was intentional or not, but she didn't comment on it either way. With his coat locked in the back with her things along with the matching scarf for his beanie, the lack of layers revealed a cream colored sweeter with blue stripes near the chest area that again she picked out with the sole intention of brightening his wardrobe with denim jeans.

With the change of attire, he looked lighter – younger – and despite the permanent scowl on his face, he was attracting a lot of stares from females and a few males that he was either deliberately ignoring or oblivious too. She could admit she intercepted a few stares and glared harshly back.

She didn't know how long their staring match lasted before she felt a sharp sting on her denim covered ass cheek from Pauline telling her to save her bedroom eyes for later causing her to erupt in a shade of red.

James' eyes crinkled giving away the only trace of amusement he was feeling while the rest of his face remained a blank canvas. He pushed his empty tumbler out to her, with a heavy sigh, which caused a low chuckle to vibrate his chest; she filled his cup with more whiskey – the good kind of course.

Bucky watched as Karina slithered away to tend to the more merry customers while he nursed his glass of whiskey slowly. He knew there was no point in really staying her whole shift as it wasn't as if he socialized with the regulars unless one of the guys from the construction crew came through and it was still a one sided conversation. But it wasn't as if he didn't have anything better to do so he would deplete his low funds by buying the occasional drink from Karina. Yet today he felt even more uncomfortable as besides the larger crowd, it was his change in attire that Karina insisted he wore as she did buy him a whole new outfit for Christmas. It was considerably lighter than his normal dark hues. A few of the regulars commented on it as he awkwardly engaged in civil conversation.

Even though he masked it well, he felt an annoyance grow inside him as the night went on. As he watched all the patrons celebrate the holiday, which was practically just a free excuse to drink, his mind kept trying to grasp the memories that was flashing in his mind. He could recall acting like the other patrons – more respectfully – but he could recall drinking his fair share of whiskey getting a nice buzz while dancing with as many of dames as he could in the holiday cheer. But most of all he could recall the ease at which he mingled. He felt his lips quirk up just because the memory of him smiling and laughing was so strong.

He wondered what it would feel like to dance again. He knew it was highly unlikely he would dance in Lucky as they played music that gave him a headache and what they considered dancing was drastically different than his definition. But he still imagined maybe going someplace just too even watch people dance the way he remembered. He highly doubted he would be comfortable finding a partner despite Karina's assurances and from what he could remember that he was an incredibly handsome man that had no trouble finding a partner.

His eyes found Karina laughing as she showcased her holiday sweater. It was black with grey and green accents of a Christmas tree and poinsettias. She kept calling it ugly when he didn't find anything unappealing about it. She then tried to explain how people threw parties with the theme being ugly Christmas sweaters. It still didn't explain why the sweater was considered ugly when it wasn't, but his confused expression and lack of understanding the trend made her give up explaining. As he watched Karina move elegantly from person to person, he suspected she would be a good dancer. He wondered if she would even like dancing.

Before he could stop himself, he tried to picture Karina in a dress. Of course it was more of 40s style as he hadn't really seen a real dress from this generation as most seemed to be pieces of scraps. Although he thought he would prefer something more modern on her considering he knew today's generation of clothing would showcase her shape – curves – more.

Maybe, he would get the courage to ask her some day when he was a little bit better. Besides, he felt he would need to be able to handle Karina in something different as she already drew attention in her jeans and shorts. He was surprised his eyes didn't get stuck in a permanent glare since he sent ones daily to men whose eyes lingered a little too long on her lithe frame for his liking.

He quickly drowned out those thoughts by finishing his whiskey when Pauline, Karina's boss, came over to fill him back up. He knew he was going to have to wean on his uptake considering it would be noticeable he had drank at least five glasses and wasn't even slurring his words or his eyes weren't glossy.

"Need a refill, son?"

Bucky shook his head and sat up a little straighter, "I think I'll take a Coke."

Pauline didn't say anything at first but quickly produced his order of Coke. "You got a high tolerance there."

Bucky didn't know if he liked Pauline or not. She wasn't like Adi, incredibly nosey, but she was observant. At first, he was suspicious because he felt the red head was always eyeing him as if she recognized him, or worst a left over sleeper agent of Hydra's, but that was his paranoia. The only thing he did like about Pauline was she was protective over Karina, so he could handle the passive aggressive questions for the time being.

"You don't talk much either," she added after he took a small sip of his beverage.

"Merry Christmas." He supplied.

Pauline let a hearty laugh as she swung her rag over her shoulder and began serving the patrons at the bar when Karina came back from serving a table but was standing next to him placing the tray on the counter as she gave the orders for her drinks.

She leaned down slightly and he got a whiff of her sensual perfume, "Laying off the whiskey, huh?"

Bucky didn't get to reply when he was distracted by Pauline running back over towards him and Karina immediately putting him on defense before she stopped and produced a green plant wrapped in red string and before he realized what it was it was too late. Karina gave him a shy – nervous – smile while his face didn't hide his confusion as everyone's eyes were on them.

He felt as if his body was back in a cryochamber as he froze when Karina bent down and placed a kiss with her warm soft lips on his jaw dangerously close to his frozen lips.


	6. Vigilance

"Oh god, my thighs are sweating all over your face!" Karina panted as her thighs were securely and tightly wrapped around James' head and god she didn't want to think about the sweat that was clinging to his brown hair that had escaped his reluctant man bun.

James had decided it was in her best interest to learn some self-defense especially considering she only knew cheap shots and relied on a Taser or her Aluminum Louisville Slugger. She would have laughed at James' facial expression when she told him about her lack of athletic skills, as he looked personally offended, but she felt the phantom burn of her scars as she remembered how she got them and she kept her lips sealed tight and agreed. Besides she was going to be receiving training from The Winter Soldier, it was the equivalent of learning martial arts from Bruce Lee.

Even though she was highly appreciative of him training her, as she was gaining a little muscle mass, she couldn't help be curious as to what led him wanting to have her known how to defend herself so vigilantly.

The only thing that had her on edge, or more so was overkill, was him wanting to rearrange her own apartment and make the furniture conductive to impeding an looming attack or somehow a makeshift weapon. It wasn't until then that she realized he had his own apartment arranged in that way. Despite his vehement wishes, her apartment was not an open square like his and she possessed way more items than him and his way would make it cluttered. Instead, it somehow morphed into him insisting she kept one of his knives on her.

But the only thing that was really troubling was what exactly led to this attentive behavior. She followed the news faithfully and nothing really popped out. The only thing that she knew could trigger something in him was The Avengers were more frequently in the news taking down Hydra bases in Europe, Africa, South America, and North America. She understood why something like that would make him antsy. But she was tracking their movements and they were nowhere near Romania. She honestly didn't think Hydra and its leftovers were near their current home. But that could have been her being optimistic thinking nothing of their past would catch up with them. Maybe he was acting this overprotective because her paranoia had been slowly dissipating with his constant presence. Before she could dissect what that exactly meant, James' voice broke her concentration.

"Don't worry about the sweat. Worry about your next move."

Karina deliberately ignored the feeling of his breath on her inner thigh as he spoke as she felt his hands move from holding her up on her lower back. He was moving them until she felt her back hit a cool surface, which was his dining table, his metal hand hissed as the plates shifted as it pinned her down by her neck.

As much as the lessons were helpful, she knew he was holding back in strength and somewhat speed. She knew if he exerted too much weight behind his ghost punches and pins she would easily bruise or worse get a fractured bone. However, she knew he could put in a little more _ump_ as an enemy's punch wasn't going to feel like getting smacked with a feather.

Pulling his punches weren't going to be helpful in the long run.

With her legs still around his neck stimulating she would try to choke a man with her thighs – talk about a crime of passion – his blue eyes were boring down on hers, heavy with concentration as he waited for her next move. Her immediate action out of reflex was to grip his cool wrist, but that wouldn't solve anything.

"Well considering I would probably break my elbow trying to weaken the slack on your arm," she murmured and her hands went to gauge his eyes despite him being too far to even reach his face, but his free hand was already moving to grab her wrists and taking advantage the distraction she kicked him back.

But with speed she couldn't even comprehend, as soon as her sweaty back was free from the cool metal of the table, she was once again on her back as he latched onto her ankle bringing her down pinning her as he sat on her being mindful of his weight and her wrists locked by the side of her head from his hands.

She wasn't even ashamed by the growl that escaped her throat from his easy pin down on her. For her it was impossible to ever get the upper hand and he wasn't even trying half the time.

"This isn't even fair," she muttered contempt as she rolled her eyes. "I honestly just feel like a rag doll at this point. I'm all sweaty and gross while you haven't even broke a sweat and just look like a model from GQ. It's a men's magazine," Karina added on seeing James' confused expression.

"Karina, I've been doing this for 70 years and on top of that I was a boxer before. You're too hard on yourself." The super soldier said gently as he removed his hands from her wrists.

Karina scoffed as she focused on a nice crack in his wall instead of his face – those blue eyes.

"I'm not jerking your chain, doll."

"Ugh, you can't just do that." Karina whined as she squeezed her eyes tight and threw a sweaty arm over her eyes.

"Do what?"

She didn't even need to look at him to know he was smiling. "You're a jerk."

"I've been called worse," he chirped and she couldn't help the small giggle that escaped her throat. "Come on, you can help me work out."

Karina opened her eyes and leaned on her forearms and unabashedly watched as he removed his T-shirt, folded it neatly and placed it on his shelf, "Oh so what we were doing was just a warm up for you?"

James' rolled his eyes at her, "No, it was my cardio."

"You're a sassy soldier." She mumbled as she crawled over to him as he got down on the floor positioning his body to get ready to do a ridiculous amount of pushups. She positioned herself on his back sitting Indian style while he began doing his set of push-ups. "You know the next thing you are going to want to do is bench press me."

"Maybe," he teased, but she knew it was going to happen eventually.

* * *

 

_**February 2015** _

"So what are you and Kaylee doing for Dragobete?" Alex asked Bucky with a waggle of his eyebrow.

Since it had become apparent that he and Karina were close, Alex would occasionally try to pry for some information about their friendship. The other guys left him be. However, Bucky knew how Alex felt about Karina and he could never ignore the prickling feeling he got when Alex would inquire about Karina or even talk to her. He tried to ignore the fact that Alex's now ex-girlfriend bore a striking resemblance to Karina.

Wiping the sweat off his brows, Bucky merely shrugged his shoulder. Dragobete was the equivalent of Valentine's Day in Romania. It wasn't as if he and Karina were dating. And with his memories slowly forming context, he knew exactly how he treated women during the holiday with flowers and a date that sometimes ended favorably for him.

Karina hadn't mentioned anything in wanting to celebrate Valentine's Day or Dragobete, but it wasn't as if there wasn't anything to celebrate.

"You should get her flowers or something."

…

Bucky was seriously questioning himself as why he would listen to Alex of all people as he held a bouquet of white lilies in his hand. He was outside of Karina's apartment door and he could hear her shuffling inside before reaching it.

She sprung the door wide open and he felt foolish for buying the flowers as she stood there speechless and he felt his neck becoming hot. "Uh…Happy Valentine's day." He greeted with an extended his hand holding the flowers.

Karina's green eyes moved to the flowers as she accepted them before they landed on his face. He was unprepared for the hug she gave him. But he couldn't help in relish in the embrace.

* * *

 

_**March 2015** _

Bucky knew something was up with Karina for the past two weeks and today it was blatantly obvious she had something planned.

All he knew was Karina would make a horrible spy.

Unlike this post Winter Soldier version of him that was an angst ridden teen, according to Karina, on those days he could tell she wasn't particularly fond of his attitude. She, however in his view, was all smiles and not exactly a bubbly personality, but she was _warm_. You just found comfort in her presence and when she wasn't around you felt the chill of her absence.

Yet, now she could barely look at him without smiling as she hummed some melody. He didn't know if he was supposed to ask her why she was in high spirits, but he doubted he would get an answer anyway as he suspected it had something to do with the looming date he was actively avoiding.

It was _chronologically_ his 98th birthday. Biologically he calculated he had to be about 29 or even 30 considering he didn't really age on missions that lasted a week and he would be frozen upon months or years before being woken again.

But all in all, he wasn't excited about the day. It was just another day. Another day he was glad he still wasn't being a puppet pulled by Hydra, but still it was another day. One he didn't want to exactly celebrate or thought was worth mentioning.

For a millisecond he thought how would Karina even know his birthday, but he remembered that he had a glass memorial in a museum and from his history being Steve's friend and a Howling Commando. He was in various history books and a figure discussed slightly in school classrooms. But even more, the files Black Widow leaked made him slightly a more prominent figure and things like his date of birth would be plastered everywhere.

But one thing he did file away was to make sure he asked later was when her birthday was. The only thing he knew was that she was 22, extremely young compared to him.

So for his peace of mind, he decided he was just going to let Karina be Karina and try to make this day something special. He knew she wouldn't go out of her way to make him uncomfortable in fact she would make sure everything didn't make his comfort scale go haywire.

So as he walked home back to his apartment after work, his thoughts were practically consumed with theories of what Karina possibly had planned. He knew they weren't going to celebrate with anyone as she was his only friend besides Adi who still pestered him about Karina. He didn't necessarily have a hobby as he either'd watched TV, read, and used Karina's _ancient_ laptop to look up some things he was curious about and for what he missed. Karina didn't mind much that he was a hermit or a homebody even though it was a byproduct of being a wanted fugitive. Occasionally, they would go out to a restaurant besides having lunch at a local park with the more favorable weather, but he didn't think she would do that for his birthday. She would probably make it more private.

He suspected if anything maybe a birthday cake. He tried to recall the last time he might have had birthday cake. He knew he liked chocolate cake. It just seemed instinctual and he remembered chocolate being a luxury growing up. He recalled during the war while in the army he would give some pieces of his chocolate to the kids if him and his platoon had to trek through a desolate town. He could recall the look of pure glee of children's faces as they looked at chocolate as if it were the Holy Grail.

He could admit now he seemed to have acquired a chocolate addiction. Karina goaded him daily on his stock of Hershey Bars, Reese's Cup, and M&Ms.

But he hoped if anything maybe she might have had some chocolate cake or something chocolate related for him. With ice cream, as well, vanilla or chocolate would do maybe she would get the kind that was combined - napoleon. He would admit that he had grown quite fond of the ice cream shops with all the varieties of flavor. He honestly felt like a little kid again like when he and Steve first had a Reese's peanut butter cup when they were around 10 years old as he tried multiple combinations. He didn't think twice in adding various toppings to which Karina did look at him weirdly for the things he added. Then she took him to a frozen yogurt shop where he got the worst case of brain freeze after consuming a large amount of the cake batter flavor.

He had a major sweet tooth.

If Karina had any of these then maybe his birthday would be tolerable and not much of a pain to actually celebrate. He didn't think him being alive was worth any of the effort though.

It didn't take longer than 10 minutes to make the trek to his apartment building and another five minutes walking up to the top floor where he lived. He could admit he was somewhat desolate that he found no trace of Karina being at his place or waiting for him since she did have a key to his place. Ignoring the pang he felt in his chest, he just did his daily routine after work and hopped in the shower to wash off the sweat and grime from chopping 2 x 4s and carrying the beams to the right place. Since he was free of Hydra, he was a fan of taking long showers and letting the warm or sometimes scolding water wash over him massaging his tense muscles. Despite how shitty his apartment was the water pressure was amazing to him.

He didn't know how long he was just standing under the showerhead when he froze at the sound of knocking on his bathroom door, but he relaxed when the voice spoke, "Hey, James, it's me, just letting you know I'm here."

"I'll be out in a minute," he shouted over the roar of the water.

"Don't rush! I know you like your ridiculously hot and long showers. I don't mind the wait."

Despite her words, he decided it was best to begin washing his body and hair. Spending another 15 minutes in the shower, he quickly dried off and slipped on his non-descript clothes consisting of sweats and a grey cotton t-shirt.

He threw his dirty clothes in the small laundry basket he had in the bathroom before opening the door where he found Karina standing by his small table with a cake and a big box wrapped neatly up.

"Happy Birthday!" She exclaimed at first in Russian and caught herself before repeating it in English with ruby cheeks.

He crept forward to the table slowly as his eyes danced back and forth between the large gift that was clearly for him then to the cake that seemed to have three layers with frosting and most definitely was chocolate.

"It's chocolate, of course, and I have vanilla ice cream in the freezer too."

His eyes finally moved from the cake to Karina and as he was already speechless from her effort even though he was prepared for it. He was at a loss of words for her attire. It wasn't extravagant. But it was most certainly a drastic difference from her usual jeans and fitted t-shirt. She was wearing a maroon dress – although it seemed like an oversized t-shirt – with black tights and heels. He knew he was as subtle as an elephant as his eyes lingered on the heels she was wearing for his birthday. His eyes traveled back up to her face where he realized she had her hair in loose waves that spilled over her shoulders and past her chest. It was then he noticed she was wearing different make-up as her eyes looked brighter. Hypnotizing.

She looked beautiful.

"I-Is it too much?"

Her voice broke him out of his assessment of her and his brows furrowed in confusion.

"You look beautiful, doll."

He watched as a scorching blush erupted on her cheeks and her eyes widen slightly as she seemed lost for words at the moment before gathering her composure. "T-thank you, James, but I meant with the cake and gift."

"Oh, I guess, I mean its okay. It's fine." He knew he sounded unsure, but here she was putting effort in for his day and she looked like a dish while he was in sweats. A part of him felt embarrassed and he knew his mother and father would have his behind for his attire and behavior in front of a respectable lady like Karina.

"Oh okay, well sit and I apologize in advance for my terrible singing voice."

Bucky promptly did what he was told as she gathered a match and then produced four items out of her large over the shoulder bag and turned to him a contemplative look on her face, "Okay, do you want your chronological year or physiological. I got 98 and 27, 28, and 29, since I'm not even sure what your age is."

"Ah…just do… 98, I guess." Since it was just the two of them there wasn't any point in ignoring his obvious age.

"Okay, birthday boy," she chirped as she opened the packages containing the candles and placed them on the cake very neatly all with a smile. She lit the candles and scooted the cake closer to him. He watched in amusement as she quietly sang him the Happy Birthday song with a completely red face before uttering to him to make a wish.

His immediate wish would have been that he never survived from falling from that damn train. It was his main thought since he regained his memories and his sense of identity. If he would have never survived people would still be alive. He wouldn't have tried to kill his best friend. Karina wouldn't be here hiding with him who wasn't much company. She would still be in school getting her degree.

But a part of him didn't want that wish anymore especially as he looked at Karina smiling at him softly. He knew it might have been slightly unhealthy she was his only friend and someone he didn't know he relied on more than he knew. As he blew out the melting candle, he didn't make a wish because he was fine at the moment. He was okay with what he had in his life.

Karina quickly plucked the candles off his cake and tossed them in the trash. She walked to his fridge and took out the ice cream and brought it back to the table where she already had two plates waiting.

"Oh do you want to eat now or open your gift?"

"Let's eat first."

Bucky devoured the chocolate cake that Karina had made sure to voice his compliments to which only made her blush madly which he found endearing. As Karina grabbed his plate to place it in the sink, he stood up and placed his gift they had set on his couch back on the table.

"Someone is eager to open their present."

"You know you didn't have to get me anything," he said as he still looked at the box.

"It's your birthday. Everyone gets presents on their birthday even if they are almost 100."

Bucky turned to look at Karina as he inquired, "When's your birthday?"

He watched as she pursed her lips together before flicking her hair over her shoulders before responding, "Does it really matter?"

"Yes." He replied and intentionally stared her down knowing it would make her squirm and crack and she did.

"I was born on March 10th."

He looked momentarily confused and his stare turned blank to disbelief as he ran his metal hand through his long locks, "Karina…"

"It's not a big deal." She placated.

"No, it is, I can't accept all this." Now all he felt like was a lousy friend for trying not to know something like this sooner.

"Really, James, it's not a big deal. My birthday wish is for you to accept these gifts."

He only scowled at her as she nudged him over to the box. His scowl was kept firmly in place as he carefully got rid of the wrapping paper and opened the cardboard box. He felt his chest tighten as he looked at the items in the box. First he took the seven smaller and more fragile items out of the box before taking out the largest which was a record player. It was a turquoise and smaller than want he remembered players being, but he knew the functions were the same. He placed the record player gently on his makeshift shelf and went to look at the vinyl's one was an album and the other were singles.

The first one was _Wizard of Oz._ A bittersweet smile came over his face.

"You like it right, I know you said you liked the film and I thought you would like that over Snow White."

His eyes found Karina who was looking at him hesitantly. "No, I like it." He told her genuinely. Although he wouldn't have minded Snow White even though he remembered he grew to hate the animation considering he took his sister and dates to see the film so much he knew the movie practically verbatim.

He placed the album down to look at the other records. She had got him:

_"I'm A Fool For Loving You" recorded by Ted Fio Rito & Orchestra_

_"Just a Little While" recorded by The Troubadours_

_"Don't sit Under the Apple Tree (With Anyone Else but Me)" recorded by Glenn Miller_

_"Blue Skies" recorded by Frank Sinatra w. Tommy Dorsey Orchestra_

_"Blue Moon" recorded by Frank Sinatra w. Tommy Dorsey Orchestra_

Only the last one he wasn't familiar with and he held up it up to her.

"Oh, yeah that one, I was just listening to some songs and that one…I liked it. It came out after the war."

"What's it about?" He asked as he looked at the sleeve. He at least recognized the artists.

"It's about a person welcoming home their spouse or lover from the war. I understand if you won't like it. I just thought it was a nice song."

He nodded his head as he read the sleeve "It's Been a Long, Long Time" recorded by Harry James and Kitty Kallen. He placed the album on the table while he quickly set up his player and placed the vinyl on the platter and moved the needle onto it and music filled his usually quiet apartment.

He listened to the song fully. He listened to the melody and the live band play that was lacking in today's popular recordings. But he paid even more attention to the words Kitty Kallen was crooning. He let the words flood his system as they struck a chord in him. He didn't realize how much of the words – the feeling – meant to him. How easily they were relatable even if he didn't have someone as a lover or a spouse to come home to since that was what she was serenading. But he had Steve, a piece of his past that was remarkably still here and living, and now he had Karina.

When the song ended for the first time he didn't even hesitate in turning it back on. He turned around to face Karina who was sitting in the kitchen chair watching his reaction to the song. He offered his left hand out to her. She looked confused momentarily before it dawned onto her what he was implicating. Her small hand grasped his metal and he gently pulled her up where she placed her right hand on his shoulder while his flesh hand went to the middle of her back.

It was surprisingly easy dancing again. He was grateful he could still do it and _feel_ something while doing it. He was thanking everything due to muscle memory.

It also helped that Karina was a good dancing partner as he easily twirled and dipped her causing a few giggles to escape her throat. Her blush at least had dissipated from her cheeks. Even when the music ended, they still kept dancing and he didn't even realize they had changed their positions as her arms were wrapped fully around his shoulders embracing him as her head rested on his shoulder and his hands rested on her hips as they swayed slowly.

His lips ghosted over the crown on her head as he broke the silence, "Thank you, Karina."

He felt her smile on his shoulder, "You're welcome."

* * *

 

_**May 2015** _

"See look how easy this is!" Karina exclaimed to James as she easily trimmed her bangs in front of him not even minding that she was letting her hair fall on the floor.

James glanced briefly at her before his eyes went back to the TV in her apartment and stuffed another handful of M&Ms in his mouth.

She literally growled before she stood in front of the TV. He was purposefully ignoring her, which wasn't very gentleman like of him.

With the sheers on her fingers, she snapped them for dramatic effect, and looked at him pointedly, "Why won't you let me cut your hair?" She tried to sound annoyed, but it came out as a pathetic whine as his lips and eyed quirked up at her before he shrugged his shoulders.

Her green eyes narrowed as she jabbed the sheers in his direction, "Don't do that. There is a reason you are acting like a petulant teenager when it comes to your hair. There is a reason to everything you do."

"Well pointing sharp objects at me isn't going to help." He quipped as he looked at her playfully.

" _James_."

The playful look evaporated from his face and he looked exasperated slightly from her pestering. He slid down to the edge of her bed abandoning his M&Ms. "It's easy to hide my face."

"You mean on top of the hat, too."

He looked at her not even remotely impressed.

"Can I be perfectly frank with you?"

He nodded his head in response looking at her in his usual blank expression. She took a seat on the edge of the bed next to him and looked at him. "No offense, but your bohemian hobo look isn't exactly nondescript either. If anything it makes you more noticeable especially considering the neighborhood you live in isn't exactly one of lower class like mine. I mean you wear dark clothing and five million layers in scorching heat which that in itself is noticeable. You're friendly to a point. I mean at least give them something to distract them with to cover up all those qualities or at least wear lighter clothes."

He rolled his eyes at her before speaking, "I don't understand why it is bothering you so much."

"You're still the same guy from the 40s, James. By cutting your hair isn't going to make you an imposter or whatever. You're still him deep inside. What happened to you doesn't take away from that. I'm not a psychologist and I know what you went through I probably won't ever be able to help or even grasp the magnitude, but give yourself some credit. All that shit they put you through and you're still standing – living – and James, I don't know how to say this without seeming insensitive, but you realize the only reason they scrambled your memories was because you were constantly trying to fight their conditioning. I know it may not feel like it, but you were always in there trying to break free. Don't forget that I was there once."

Karina could feel her eyes becoming watery thinking about all the torture and pain James felt and went through while she gave him a watery smile while he looked at her with those blue eyes clouded by the storm that laid within him. With the months they had known each other in Romania, they had yet to really talk about the extent of his time under Hydra's captivity. They hadn't spoken out about how he exactly felt about anything in detail or past missions. All she knew was that he kept everything locked inside or wrote them down in notebooks. Sometimes she felt he purposely kept his horrors away from her as if she would possibly look at him different.

She lifted her hand up slowly and grasped the tips of his wavy brown hair, "Unless, you actually like having long hair all you had to do was say so. I could at least trim it because you messed up your back."

He snorted and moved his head so the strands fell from her grip, his mouth opened to say something when both of their attention was diverted to the Breaking News alert coming from the TV. Filling the image was of James' best friend and his friends – The Avengers – in Sokovia again. Ever since The Avengers had claimed they located the last of Hydra's bases in the eastern European country, James had been glued to the TV news and was following the events relentlessly. She at first thought he was just following the events considering Hydra was such a monumental factor in his history, but after the battle in South Africa which had instigated a backlash against Earth's mightiest heroes, she realized he was following the actions of his friend and making sure he was okay. And now his friend with his teammates was back in Sokovia and this time Novi Grad, Sokovia was levitated in the goddamn air.

"Holy shit!" Karina exclaimed.

Karina and James watched with bated breath, as the capital of Sokovia rose higher and higher, while The Avengers tried to execute an evacuation plan to ensure everyone to safety before the city plummeted back onto the ground destroying everything in its wake.

The two of them were speechless as the journalists continued coverage of the devastation and how Ultron was reportedly made from the Avengers themselves.

Karina finally spoke, "And they said Tony Stark created _that_ thing. Why would his teammates let him _create_ that?"

"He probably thought he was doing something good," James responded. "They just want peace."

"Maybe they do intervene too much." Karina said as she stood up no longer caring about cutting James' hair. "I mean you can't really blame them for New York. I understand there are causalities in war and it is terrible civilians are the ones that bear the brunt of it, but I don't know. I don't think they _don't_ take accountability for their actions as it isn't as if they go to a lot of places, as Hydra bases are scum, but this…this was a mistake on their part especially messing with AIs. Tony's mistake with this costs a lot of lives that probably didn't make it on one of those evacuation planes. Look at these people's homes. They destroy them then fly away all in the name of _peace_."

* * *

 

Ever since the Ultron offensive, she noticed James had been quieter than usual. The self-defense lessons were becoming slightly more aggressive than she was used too from him. She just wrote it off that everything that was happening in regards to the public opinion of enhanced individuals was bothering him more than he let on. Considering now that the government was thinking about putting some type of bill on the agenda about them and not only was he an enhanced individual, but was considered a terrorist and fugitive on top of that.

But now she knew what had him troubled as she looked down at the ten code words written in English, but as he pointed out they only explicitly worked when said in Russian in the order he had them written. These ten words could revert him back to the Asset Hydra created. They had conditioned him with goddamn activation codes. She didn't know whether she wanted to scream or cry. Maybe do a little of both.

"Why are you telling me all this?" She asked as she looked up from the piece of paper to him where he sat across from her watching her.

"You deserve to know. You need to know the danger you are by being here with me."

"These…how many people know that they need these if they find you?"

"I can't say I know now, but only the doctors and my handlers like Pierce, Colonel Karpov, only important people knew about the code words. They kept them inside a red notebook that was a manual to the whole Program."

"Program?" Karina repeated slightly confused as she digested his words. "Wait, _program_ …are you saying they trained more people like you?"

"I trained them," Bucky told her truthfully.

"Um can you explain please," Karina requested and he could see and hear the panic and fear in her.

"I killed Tony Stark's parents." He stated bluntly to her and he watched her eyes widen fractionally before she nodded her head for him to continue. "Howard had his own version of the Super Soldier Serum and I was ordered to retrieve, but leave no witnesses which was standard protocol anyways and I made it look like an accident."

Bucky could still remember Howard pleading for him to save his wife before he realized who it was. Sometimes he wondered why Howard calling him by his name didn't do anything to him besides a slight hesitation. Then again Howard looked different from all the memories he had and he addressed him by Sergeant Barnes and the person Bucky loathed more than anything addressed him by that.

He ran a hand through his hair as he continued, "The mission was successful. Hydra had their own top elite kill squad. Even without the Serum they were much more lethal and had a kill count higher than anyone in Hydra's history. They decided to use them for the Serum and it was successful to a point. I had to train them and when they overpowered me it meant they passed. But the Serum made them more erratic – aggressive- after a training session they all lost control and started a riot. They just put them in cryostasis chambers after that."

"And this book can control them and you?" She asked him mortified.

"Them to a point, but me yes," He confirmed as he nodded his head and recalled how they taunted him by showcasing that book to him after every wipe as they gave him orders.

He saw her eyes were steadily becoming watery and her voice was shaky, "Do you think someone has this book?"

"I don't know."

He had his suspicions. His first guess was Karpov considering the man was his longest handler next to Alexander Pierce. He knew Hydra didn't flaunt that notebook around either, it was somewhere secure. In fact after the fall of the Soviet Union before they defected him to the United States under Pierce's full control, he couldn't recall seeing that notebook. The only thing that changed was Pierce or a doctor would be in the room alone while reciting the words. He wanted to go after the book himself, but if Karpov did have it, it would have been like walking into a trap and he would be back into Hydra's claws.

"But you think something is going to happen."

"Hydra is like cockroaches, Karina. Cut one head off and fucking five grows in its place instead of two."

"You talking like this…scares me." Karina revealed the fear in her voice was palpable.

He wanted to tell her she should be. Bucky got up from his chair and kneeled down in front of her and his flesh hand cupped her cheek and it still amazed him how soft flesh could be. He was reminded of how different they were with his calloused hands compared to her silky skin, "I promise I won't anything happen to you."

"Don't make promises like that."

"But I mean it."

He wasn't prepared for it, but he should have been when Karina's eyes burst with tears and her head fell onto his shoulder and her arms embraced him in a shaky hug as she just cried for him.

* * *

 


	7. Up Upon A Star

Bucky sometimes thought Karina had some sort of mind controlling abilities. He wasn't sure if mind control or telepathic abilities were possible, but he then he realized there was, but Karina was evidence to support his theory it did. He meant that light heartedly too. Or the slightly scarier thought was she knew how to work him. She knew him better than he knew himself at this point. Her minor from undergraduate school in psychology seemed to be beneficial to her when it came to him. He was starting to think he made a premature assumption that she would make a terrible spy.

The first thing that was making him question Karina's bewitching tongue was somehow he let her give him a haircut. He didn't even know how it happened until he was sitting outside on her balcony shirtless, with a towel over his shoulders, with Karina behind him snipping away. He felt incredibly naked not having his hair to hide behind. The new style left his face all in the open. It left him exposed. He thought she was going to cut it and style how he had it back in the 1940s,it was similar to a point but she made it more modern giving him more length on the top, but still short on the sides. He could admit he slightly panicked when she produced clippers with a devilish grin. It was evident she was planning that moment for months. She couldn't even hide the wide smile that he was shocked didn't hurt her cheeks, as she took pride in cutting his long hair. He was sure she even saved a lock of his hair.

But it did come out nice. He could admit it was a little jarring looking in his reflection as he resembled the man printed in history books and museums. Although he wouldn't give Karina the satisfaction of admitting it was nice having his hair cut. He didn't realize how much of a hassle it was having long hair until it was gone. Or the most glaring fact was no one seemed to really pay attention to him besides the occasional lingering female stare that Karina pointed out they were totally checking him.

Despite seemingly hiding in plain sight, it didn't stop him from running his hand through his hair a bit self-consciously and somewhat nervously. Being exposed as he was, he felt unprotected. The feeling almost made him queasy especially with how Karina looked at him. He couldn't recall anyone looking at him the way she did. Or better yet knowing his past and the blood that covered his hands, he never expected someone to look at him like she did ever again.

He wasn't even talking about amorously. She looked at him with such reverence that he recalled Steve looking at him at a time. Hell, he recalled having the glint in his eyes when Steve joined the army and became Captain America.

Her emerald eyes that he knew couldn't be replicated with any type of paint to reproduce held a warmth he craved. Warmth he didn't know he would need from anybody. Sometimes he felt the way she looked at him she never looked at anybody else in her life. The look was reserved for him only. It was a look – a warmth – that would thaw the many winters he was accustomed too.

His hand went to run through his hair for the millionth time when Karina's small petite hand intercepted.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"You don't need to apologize," Karina began before she tugged him to stop. "It's just if you're not comfortable, we can leave."

A frown settled on his face at the thought he may have been hindering Karina's time here as she was worried about him and his mood. Despite him feeling slightly uncomfortable with the new hairstyle, he was enjoying going on the rollercoasters and spinning rides that they bounced between. In the beginning, he thought he was going to throw up and he got a very vivid memory of watching Steve throw up after riding a roller coaster. But once he got used to the feeling, he was enjoying himself and he felt relaxed for the first time in almost 70 years.

So he felt like a wet blanket. "No, I want to stay. I'm having a good time. I remember going with Steve to Coney Island."

He watched as her eyes lit up making the green more vibrant as she looked at him brightly, "Let me guess the Cyclone was your favorite ride?"

Bucky gave her a sly smile confirming her suspicion, "Steve threw up every time."

"Poor thing, I hope he threw up over your shoes."

"You wound me, sweetheart." Bucky countered as his arm went around her shoulder bringing her into his side while he glared at a group of teenage boys who were ogling Karina. "Besides I imagine it is different from what I remembered."

"Yeah, the one you remember closed after the war. It was a fire; I think that was the catalyst of it closing. But you know it went through a couple different owners and then they revitalized it and opened it back up."

Bucky frowned faintly as that park was just another piece of his history that no longer existed, just like his old neighborhood and various stores and buildings. They were all gone either by age or businessmen. Or simply they changed with the times.

"Well one thing hasn't change is that they take all your money." The former soldier added lightly.

"Oh sounds like there is a story there. Let me guess, couldn't win at one of those rigged carnival games?"

"Lost 3 bucks trying to impress a redhead – Dot, than Steve spent our bus money on a hot dog. We had to ride in the back of a freezer truck to get home," Bucky recalled. Even though he could _feel_ he really liked the girl, and he was glad he could even remember something as simple as a date at Coney Island, he felt talking about another dame while _with_ another dame wasn't exactly proper etiquette.

Karina laughed lightly before her eyes settled on the various games lining the walkway. "Why don't you show me how good your aim is now?"

Bucky looked at her slightly flabbergasted, "Are you questioning _my_ aim?"

The ebony haired woman shrugged her shoulders flippantly at him.

Bucky sensed a challenge and he wasn't going to back down from one and besides he thought he could use the target practice even though he knew his skills would never rust. Although for extra measure, "You don't mind this right? I don't have to fake…"

Karina looked at him puzzled before she shook her head, "No, I actually want to see how good you are."

His blue eyes narrowed slightly as he eyed the aisle of games before he turned back to Karina, "You're keeping into account the games are rigged according to you."

"Worried you won't be a crack shot," Karina goaded mimicking shooting a gun with her hands even with the sound effects.

"I don't think I'm worried about a kid carnival game ruining my credentials." Bucky responded while he led her over to the Ring Toss.

Bucky found that Karina wasn't lying about the games being _rigged_. Even with the ring toss, the hard plastic that the loops were made with was more likely to bounce of the bottles that were marginally smaller than the width of the loops. In knocking over the milk bottles, the soft ball really put the emphasis on soft. With the balloon darts, he already suspected the darts were dull and all it took to pop his little balloons was some extra weight to his throws. With those few games, Karina and he were already carrying very large stuffed animals. The easiest game was testing his strength with the mullet and he had to be extra cautious as to not actually break the machine. But he knew the game that he and Karina were looking forward to was the Shoot the Star game.

As he played the games, Karina was silent as she watched him play. She didn't tease him or try to distract him from the games. Although he thought she kept her bantering nonexistent because she looked forward to the gigantic stuffed animals he was winning for her.

He quietly took the rifle from the carnival worker who explained the rules to the game as he gladly took the $5 bucks it cost to play it. Karina was next to him barely able to wrap her arms around all of the stuffed animals.

"You sure you are going to be able to handle another one in your collection?" He asked as he eyed the rifle with a slightly bent barrel. He could only think how they altered the pellets.

"Are you sure you are going to be able to win this one?" Karina countered.

"Well, I haven't missed yet," he muttered as he took his first shot to gauge how off the mark he was and where he might need adjustment. Bucky quickly and efficiently created the perfect circle around the red star and he tried to ignore the slight churning in his gut at the image of the star considering he had one ingrained on his left shoulder.

The ex-assassin knew the game was definitely rigged as the worker looked shocked at how effortlessly he made the perfect circle.

"He was in the military," Karina explained.

"Sniper?" The worker questioned in awe looking at him.

"You could say that," Bucky said with a tight smile.

The worker didn't question anymore, but directed to the area of gifts that Bucky could pick from. As usual, Bucky motioned for Karina to pick whatever pleased her, but instead she shook her head.

"You can pick this one." She insisted.

Bucky looked back to the multitude of animals displayed ranging from foxes, wolves, lions, whales, and hawks all in bright colors. His eyes glossed over the stuffed creatures before he settled on the one animal that wasn't exactly on the rack for winners, but below it.

A medium sized turtle.

"Can I have that turtle?"

The worker grabbed the animal and passed it to him. "Thanks for the service to our country, sir. You and your lady enjoy the rest of your day."

Bucky accepted the animal and bit back the shame and guilt that the worker's words dredged up. Only if the boy knew exactly what he did during _his_ _service_. But he swallowed it down as he turned to Katrina who was looking at him slightly worried mostly likely thinking the man's words would sour the mood.

He gave her a gentle smile as he held up the animal that she gladly accepted. "I think this might be my favorite one."

Bucky rolled his eyes at her words, but he couldn't deny the warm feeling that replaced the churning in his stomach. As she took the so called runt of the group compared to the other animals, he watched her smile at the animal that conveniently fit in her oversized purse.

He roamed over her small frame that was encased in another dress, a form fitting pastel blue one with white polka dots. The straps were thick across her tan shoulders and supported the dress that tastefully showcased her chest area. The dress was pinched tight around her abdomen while the dress was much loser and marginally flared at her waist. She had forgone any jewelry except silver hoops. Her hair was placed in a tight large bun on top of her head with her bangs swept to the side as she was growing them out considering the summer heat.

"Hey," he called out softly.

Karina looked up at him questionably.

"I meant to tell you earlier," he paused as his tongue felt dry and he felt nervous which was incredibly foreign to him even with his memories. "You look beautiful."

He watched as a blush erupted from her cheeks to her chest as her green eyes quickly averted from his gaze, "Thank you. And you always look good, it's almost disgusting."

His brows pinched together at the oddity of her words, but he knew it was a compliment. Grabbing the haul of his winnings, he realized it had gotten incredibly late and he could hear the much louder buzz of electricity due to the bright fluorescent lights of the park coming on. He felt a faint pressure on his forearm and turned to Karina. "Are you up for one more ride?"

"What do you have in mind?"

Instead of giving him a verbal response she dragged him to the only ride that only had five people in line, The Ferris Wheel.

With their prizes, the first half of the ride was spent looking at the scenery. He couldn't help be amazed at how much architecture and technology had changed since he could actively remember. He knew he wasn't looking at his hometown of Brooklyn, but he imagined this part of Romania wasn't drastically different. Both had skyscrapers, high population, an amusement park, and a distinct taste and flavor that were renowned with the locals. And just for a moment he could replace the image of Romania with his dated image of the Brooklyn Bridge, East River, the various skyscrapers, and he even believing he was at Luna Park.

At the half way point during the ride, where they were fittingly placed on the top, slightly swaying inside the cart, Karina broke the peaceful silence.

"Thank you for coming out with me. I know crowds aren't your thing, but I really appreciate it. I hope you at least enjoyed yourself."

Bucky looked at her fondly, "I did. I can admit I was skeptical, but I had a great time." She smiled brighter and the lights accentuated her bright green eyes.

His flesh hand free from a leather glove unlike his left one, went to grab her hand, but realized he was already holding it.

* * *

 

They left the carnival after the Ferris wheel both of their pockets a lot lighter than before, but neither of them minded. Bucky's initial plan was to make sure Karina safely arrived at her apartment and head home himself and reflect on the day's events. Instead, he found himself accepting her offer of coming insider her place and somehow he found himself lying next to her on his back looking up at the stars on the roof of her apartment complex.

The humidity of the night had slightly decreased and surprisingly there was a nice breeze to combat it.

The stars were remarkably bright and visible due to the neighborhood Karina lived in had a few street lamps that were hardly reliable to see in the dark. He wished he had Steve's artistic capabilities because it was something he wanted framed.

"It's nice right?" Karina whispered next to him and he became acutely aware to how close they were laying next to each other. He could smell the jasmine in her hair and the sensual tint of her perfume that lasted through the heat. If he were to extend his arm she could easily nestle into him and rest her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, it is," he settled on as he tried to remember the constellations he was taught in middle school.

"In Brooklyn, I dreamed of seeing the stars like this as everything today is so polluted by technology – lights. I replaced the stars with city lights and the occasional fireworks, but nothing beats this. God, I still haven't even seen a shooting star."

"Steve likes to draw stuff like this – nature."

"Those drawings must be worth a lot of money."

"He's good," Bucky said picturing the various pieces of art he could remember. Good wasn't even the right word to describe Steve's artistic skills. "Went to art school too after high school. He used to draw to earn money on the side. I actually hung a lot of his pictures up. My mom loved them."

"Can you draw?"

Bucky snorted and thought about Steve's failed attempts to teach him the basics. He didn't have the patience for it although he did _appreciate_ the anatomy class he tagged along to with Steve, "Stick figures, I'm your guy."

Karina released a giggle from her throat as she shook her head and they settled into another lapse of silence. The screeching of car tires against cement and the occasional cackles of laughter of commuters providing background noise.

As he laid there, it seemed inevitable that his thoughts would turn black considering the darkness of the night was cloaking him – hugging him like an best friend. The darkness was an old friend providing perfect cover while he executed missions. The shadows welcomed him with open arms and covered him as he moved stealthily with them to his target. It was because of the night he was able to become a ghost story. It was also at night when the quiet became too loud for him. It was when the screams chased the wind to find him – to haunt him.

He knew he would never be able to forget or ever wash the blood away from his hands. But he could make atonements for those whose lives he took. He wished somehow he was able to apologize to his victims. He wished he was able to tell them he was sorry and that he never survived the fall from his train. He wished he could rip Zola, Pierce, Karpov, and anyone involved in his conditioning as The Winter Soldier apart.

"Karina, what would you wish for?" He asked referencing to her comment of never seeing a shooting star.

"Hmmm, if I saw a shooting star right now," she paused in thought for a few seconds before she provided her answer and her could hear the smile in her voice. "I don't think I would wish for anything. I wouldn't change anything at the moment."

He instantly deflated at her response. Sometimes, he didn't understand how Karina so smart and so aware of who he was and what he did could be so fine with it, as if it didn't faze her at all that one day he could snap and accidently hurt her. Or either Hydra or various governments would gladly take her down with him. He couldn't even classify it as blind faith with her at the notion they would always live in Romania undetected.

"Karina –"

"What?" She interrupted hotly at his exasperated tone as she leaned up on her forearms. He didn't need light to even know that her face was set in a scowl.

"You –" he began to say, but was cut off again by her angry tone.

"I what? Am I stupid because I would prefer to be here with you? Or am I stupid for seeing the situation for what it is? I know what the risks are, Bucky." He winced at the use of his name that he knew was more familiar to him. It felt wrong leaving her mouth and he knew she must of have been angry with him and he waited for her words to slur into angry Russian. "I can recall quite vividly what it feels like to have your hand almost crushing my throat. But I also know that you were fucking brainwashed –"

"But I still did it," he cut her off firmly and giving her no chance in finishing her thoughts. "I remember all of them…" He trailed off as he got flashes of all his victims screaming, crying, and pleading with him to stop. They wouldn't tell anyone he was there. They begged him to not hurt their family, children, and spouses. He remembered how some of them ran trying to delay the inevitable. Even if he happened to hesitate like he did with Stark, he still finished the mission. His metal limb still caved someone's face in or crushed a throat. His hands still pulled a trigger. And even if a part of him felt a spark of something he still went back to base and followed protocol and listened to his handlers praise him for his work that was shaping the century. "And I still did it," he choked out as his eyes became watery and he refused to look in Karina's direction even as he heard her move in the night and her cool arms winded around him in a hug and moving him so his head was resting on _her_ exposed shoulders. He was sure she felt his tears trailing on her collarbone. She didn't say anything and he appreciated that she didn't say that everything was okay. He appreciated the silence she provided as he relaxed in her embrace and he became flooded with her perfume.

He could only think about how unworthy he felt in having Karina knowing about his past. He didn't deserve to have someone comforting him. But in all the time he and Karina had gotten close she had reiterated over and over about choice and consent. He needed to respect her decision in staying with him every day and to be his friend. And he needed to admit to himself how much he appreciated her decision in dealing with him. He needed to accept that she wasn't just going to up and leave. She wanted to be with him.

Eventually he took a long deep breath and didn't even realize how he audibly inhaled in her scent and nuzzled into her. "You know shooting stars are meteors right?" He pointed out trying to bring some humor to the depressing mood he brought and his response was some laughter.


	8. Break

_**March 2016** _

Karina knew James had planned something for their birthdays', considering last year she withheld that they were born on the same day. He already vocally pointed out that he was going to get her something. He wasn't exactly being subtle.

Instead of celebrating at his apartment, they were at hers where he had actually decorated slightly which was already an upgrade from her laidback celebration last year. They had finished eating the chocolate cake he had politely requested that she made last year, and for the holidays they celebrated together with ice cream.

It was a fairly simple birthday and she wasn't going to complain. She wouldn't want to spend her birthday any other way. Yet, James was upping the anticipating of what he got her for her birthday. He was being particularly coy and insisting she could only open it after they ate. He already opened his gifts which were embarrassingly simple. She only got him a new baseball cap and a few muscle shirts. She didn't go all out like last year considering her pocket was still pretty light after they went for a more extravagant Christmas. Well more on her part; she had splurged and bought James an iPod Touch. Even if he didn't know exactly what the item was, he knew it was expensive, and he tried to have her take it back or in some gentleman way claimed he couldn't accept such a costly gift. Despite that and his general preference of listening to music from his era through his record player, the Sergeant was well-versed in knowing how to purchase music and using the iPod. She knew he liked having the music on the go and something to listen to her as she finished her shift at the bar and at work.

But despite her tendency to spend her money on James like she was throwing money at a stripper, she felt he wouldn't go out of his way to buy her an expensive gift. It didn't hurt her feelings, it was more of the simple fact he wasn't exactly familiar with the things he noticed she liked. She realized he knew a lot about her just from observation. He knew her routine down to a T. It was slightly uncanny knowing how much input he received and retained, but a bigger part of her was flattered.

So she contained her curiosity as the last thing she wanted was to seem annoying. She would like whatever he gave her anyways since it was coming from him and he likely put a lot of thought into it. Plus as he walked closer to her with the gift in a small box wrapped surprisingly neatly in newspaper, her heart began pounding. Unlike her where she had her reactions to this day capped tightly, James looked incredibly nervous.

He swiped his growing brown locks back behind his ears as he handed out the gift for her to take.

She accepted the small box that was incredibly lite, but the movement jostled the item inside enough that she thought it could contain jewelry. But whatever the item was, she was now eager than ever to open the small box.

"It's not much, I was originally going to give it to you on Christmas, but I thought it made a better birthday gift."

Karina looked up to find James' icy blue eyes shining with apprehension. She gave him a soft smile, "I'm sure whatever it is. I'll like it. No, I'll probably love it." She corrected.

He replied with a tight unsure smile that hid his teeth.

Karina turned her focus back on the small object in her hand. His reaction was making her really wonder as to what he got her.

She delicately unwrapped the box from the newsprint paper to reveal a simple silver box. She looked back up at him to give him a reassuring smile before she focused back to the box. She removed the lid and she found two pieces of metal. A look of puzzlement masked her face as she moved her left hand to grasp the items that she realized were connected by a metal chain.

As the two pieces of metal clanked together, she realized what he had given her.

Her thumb rubbed over the identification pieces and a large ball formed in her throat while her mouth felt like cotton. She brought the pieces closer where she could make out the clear inscription of:

_James B. Barnes_

_32557038 T42 43 A_

She clutched the cool metals in her palm. She was truly lost for words. She didn't even know if she could accept something like this from him. She knew her mouth was hanging open dumbly for a few moments and that he more importantly was waiting for some type of response. She promptly closed her mouth and raked her brain for something to say or to navigate through this.

With her palm opened she extended her hand to James, "I can't acc –"

James' flesh hand encased hers as he closed it into a fist, "Please, I want you to have them."

She looked dumbfounded at the Sergeant as she didn't know why he would want her to have something so personal from him. These belonged to him. They were one of the few things that linked him to the man he was and had trouble seeing that he was still that shade of person who enlisted in the army after the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

He gently opened her fist back open as he grasped the cool lite metal in his hands and before she realized his intentions he had already placed his dog tags around her neck. She released a shiver from the metal of the chain and his metallic hand that ghosted over her scarred neck. The metal clanged together as they dropped between her breasts. A frown was still on her face from receiving such an intimate gift and not knowing why, "James, I need something."

He intense gaze at his tags around her neck moved to her confused face as he gave her a short and acute explanation. "That's why because you know James."

Those words instantly turned her into a puddle. Her heart had melted into a pile of goo from six simple words from a man just as brisk and modest. She was astounded she didn't start crying knowing how emotional James made her get sometimes.

She knew she didn't have any verbal response to even convey to him how much his gift meant to her. She was overwhelmed how much he seemed to care for her and the possibility of what she exactly meant to him. She now absolutely felt the waterworks coming and she questioned why James didn't feel annoyed with her incessant need to cry after all his emotional milestones to her.

She abruptly stood up and encased him in a hug, her arms wrapped around his muscular frame and she felt him tense slightly before relaxing. Physical contact was still something he wasn't used to and she made it an effort to ignore his reaction to her gentle touches. She wasn't sure if thank you was a proper response to a gift of this magnitude so with the hug he was returning to the best of his abilities she leant back slightly. Looking back on it, she could see where her moving would be mistaken for her trying to say something garnering his attention, but the kiss that was initially for his cheek landed on his soft lips when he turned his head.

It was the most awkward kiss she had ever experience despite it lasting a minimal of 6 second tops. It technically couldn't even be considered a kiss as neither of them exactly responded to their lips making contact.

As she separated their lips with wide eyes, she was already prepared to issue a long speech of an apology. Regardless of the fact she found James highly attractive, and it wasn't as if she exactly was subtle about it, he was still her friend. She wasn't going to jeopardize that because he happened to look appealing on the eyes.

Except before she could utter a word or even take a breath a hand had woven into her thick black hair and she found herself chest to chest with a soldier who immediately smashed their lips back together in a hard deep kiss.

Karina could admit she only had kissed a few men in her life and regrettably up until this point Marcus was who she considered to be the best kisser and the only man she had ever been intimate with. So she could confess she was a little worried about her skill and even the last girl she suspected James ever kissed was back in the 40s, but muscle memory worked wonders.

Even with the lack of oxygen to her brain to even properly respond to the kiss as eagerly as James was giving and from getting a little dizzy from the situation, James hands down was simply giving her the best kiss she was ever going to receive.

The kiss started off simple and sweet. Soft and slow. There was only a hint of pressure as if he was scared of overstepping a boundary that she didn't care they had majorly crossed at this point. His metal hand was still clutching her hair in the back of her head while his flesh hand was placed respectfully on her waist. It wasn't until his warm flesh hand dipped under her shirt when she released a slight gasp that he took the invitation and swiped his tongue against her own when the intensity of the kiss increased. She soon found herself placed on her back against her worn mattress as he hovered over her. The slight weight and warm of his body caused her body to hum in anticipation.

The kiss turned wet and hard with a pinch of sloppiness from the overload of senses. His teeth dragged across her bottom lip and she knew the lip would swell from the ministration. Karina knew she was tittering on dangerous territory. If they both didn't stop this it would only ruin the relationship they built because she was slowly becoming addicted. Especially after he broken away from her lips to replenish their lungs with air and he made a trek from her jaw to her neck where he bit and sucked and immediately soothed with his tongue, she was a goner.

A part of her was slightly annoyed he was leaving marks, but the other part of her was relishing in being marked by him. It signified to her that some part of him found her attractive and _his_. He didn't just see her as just a friend. Those thoughts caused a warmth to start forming in her lower abdomen and she prayed the only thing that got ruined was her underwear that she felt turn damp just from some kisses.

Her hands weaved into his thick brown hair that he grew out in the winter, and she tugged lightly earning a groan to escape from his lips as she caught his lips in a kiss that was turning into frenzy as teeth and tongue mash as her fingers trailed down his back scratching and digging.

His hands began to become more adventurous as she felt his rough and warm hand creep up high underneath her shirt. His fingers traced an innocent pattern despite their positions before she felt them meet the swell of her breast protected by her bra. For a moment, she was jostled out of the lust induced stupor wondering how different bras were compared to when he remembered them when a hearty moan escaped her throat as his hand brought the cup down exposing her nipple and his thumb swept across the hardening bud.

Karina was going to combust and they were only doing some heavy petting. But then it all ended abruptly and left her utterly confused and embarrassed. Her hands had found their courage in dipping underneath his t-shirt and muscle shirt and she felt his muscle twitch slightly from her touch. His metal hand had moved from her now knotted hair and was near her throat when for the first time since their impromptu make out session happened they made eye contact as she muttered against his swollen lips about his many layers. In an instant, she saw his eyes that were hooded and a dark rich blue, with open hunger for her, turn icy and desire he may have been feeling dissipated to the put it dosed a bucket of cold water on her.

She already knew James had scary reflexes and possessed speed that she thought only man made machinery could run at. Yet, James rivaled that with how fast he sprung off her and looked at her with frantic and pained eyes.

"I can't…we can't," he muttered to her frantically before he grabbed his jacket and cap leaving her apartment.

Karina stared blankly at the space that James hastily vacated and wondered exactly what the hell just happened. But she knew what happened. A man, who probably had been deprived for over 70 years of any type of sexual activity, was undoubtedly freaked out that he was making out with the only female he associated with since being unthawed and freed from Hydra's strings. She irrevocably probably ruined their friendship. With the way he kissed there wasn't any possibility that she would be able to compartmentalize it and act like they could go back to the way things were. She would try, of course, as she would rather be his friend than nothing, but friends didn't think about friend's lips or how incredibly built they were. And with the way he was indeed kissing her, he had to be thinking at least she was kissable with how much passion was behind his kisses that had made her lips incredibly swollen.

Karina plopped back on her bed and concluded she was basically screwed.

And not even in the good way.

* * *

 

_**Two Weeks Later** _

He knew he damaged their friendship. Not only had he kissed her and left as if a fire was lit under him, but he proceeded to cease all type of contact with her for almost two weeks. For the first day it was mostly because it was such a shock to him that he had initiated the _actual_ kiss. For the first time in seventy years, he had felt something that he was sure Hydra had taken away from him with all the alterations to his mind and the science experiments. Or importantly something he didn't think he would ever be interested in, considering he didn't want the mortification if everything didn't function and he didn't think women would be into him with his background despite his looks.

But then there was Karina. He was already aware that Karina was exceptionally beautiful with her long raven black hair and her alluring green eyes. He had to say her emerald eyes were probably his favorite feature considering it was what gathered his attention when he was The Winter Soldier. He loved how expressive her eyes were and he felt it was cheap to just describe the orbs as green as they were never just green. When she was happy they would turn to chartreuse or lime green as they gleamed like his metal arm catching the sun rays. If she was lost deep in thought, they would turn a pine green like an evergreen tree that he would try to change by adding his own form of bulbs and lights to brighten her up. But his favorite shade of her ever-changing green eyes was the rich emerald. It wasn't the most popular hue, but it was the most poignant one. The only shade he felt was designed just for him. Her eyes were that rich emerald when he had her beneath him withering and panting. He quickly shook his head to get rid of those thoughts.

It didn't help that when you already were under her attention with her looks her brain was even more enticing. The one thing he could say he appreciated with the change of time was women were presented with more opportunities and chances to live a life outside of being a housewife and Karina was one of those women. He could remember being impressed with women like Agent Carter and their determination to make a name for themselves and not be limited by their gender. It was women like her that probably gave way to the opportunities Karina was able to have.

Yet, he had been aware since maybe his last birthday as they danced to the records she bought that there was a shift in their relationship. It was subtle, but noticeable despite how much they both tried to ignore it.

Besides how her harmless flirting met with rosy cheeks, he noticed little things how she had no problem in giving him the occasional hug. He didn't mind asking if she minded dancing with him while he played one of his records. Or better yet instead of walking with an respectable space between them, he gotten used to them holding hands, which was so juvenile and innocent, yet it brought a warmness to him every time. It made him smile.

And now all that was progress was probably ruined because he couldn't control himself. It was like he instantly felt the 70 years of buildup from a simple unintentional colliding of lips.

It was only five seconds tops that their lips crashed into each other. But those five seconds proved lethal and he felt that Bucky from his youth – the man who grew up in the 30s – the man who was untainted by war broke through the mental barriers Hydra tried to erase.

That's why he found his metal hand reaching up into her silky locks and his lips crashing against her soft plump lips. He could say he was surprised at how smooth they were as she had a habit of gnawing on them. He didn't even know how to exactly categorize the kiss other than that it was utterly consuming.

He was sure from the kiss alone he was close to combusting from the swipe of her tongue against his and the feeling of her hands tugging on his hair like a lifeline. Even with the kiss becoming sloppy and wet as he felt her heartbeat beating erratically against his chest, it was intimate. There wasn't any plundering or domineering. It was a kiss that reflected the bond they had formed with each other. It was frustrating, sweet, slow, hard, and wanton as it delved deeper and deeper to the point their lips would have became seared together. His slips stilled tingled from the ferocity of the kiss.

But all of it was shatter due to him and who he was – _is_. He was sure if he didn't have that moment of clarity; they would have done a lot more than kissing. He was sure it was leading that way when his hand dipped under Karina's cotton t-shirt and his fingers trailed up her heated flesh. He knew girls anatomies were vastly different from what he remembered back in his era. The girls in his heyday weren't just stick and bones that was seen as desirable for this generation. Karina was small in height and in weight, but her figure was balanced out by her curves. With his flesh hand, he could still feel the weight of her breast in his palm that's when he knew it was going to end somewhere he didn't know if they would regret it or not.

But then when they finally locked eyes with each other after her comment about his layers when his eyes zoned in on his metal hand near the scar on her neck that he still didn't know how it got there. But in those few milliseconds, he wasn't staring down at Karina looking how him with deep heavy hooded emerald eyes. He was looking at an unnamed woman with frightened eyes with tears blurring their vision before he crushed her throat. And just like that he was hit with the reality that he applied a certain amount of pressure Karina could be in the same situation. He could hurt her without even realizing it. He had already hurt her once in Washington DC and almost during the one time she spent the night at his apartment.

Besides, the main concern of physically hurting her from his enhanced strength, he was taken back by what they were doing. He didn't know if he was capable or ready to have any type of relationship with her that wasn't platonic. He was too damaged to be anything to Karina as he was barely a suitable friend at times despite Karina's seemingly optimistic attitude about his recovery.

And it was exactly these thoughts that kept him away from her the initial second day after their birthdays. In knowing Karina, he knew that she wouldn't be the one to make the initiative after something that certainly had change the dynamic of their relationship. He was taking perfect advantage of her somewhat predictable behavior. And that added onto the guilt of what he caused.

He couldn't help by hear an echo of Steve laughing in his mind that he was in a tizzy over a girl when he disregarded his background and just focused on the actual feelings. He was treading in Steve's awkward territory when it came to women and Bucky did not like it. In a situation like this he found himself missing the companionship of his best friend. Even with Steve having zero expertise when it came to the opposite sex, the persevering and shy blonde always knew what to say in a time like this. Steve was always the sentimental one out of the two. He was a textbook definition of a hopeless optimistic when he wasn't getting into fights or _lying_ his way into the army.

And with him avoiding the situation altogether, it was becoming evident to his coworkers that something transpired between him and Karina as she was absent for usually routine lunch date near his jobs current construction site. Or he should say Alex and Luke had no problem in pointing out the blatantly obvious that he was eating greasy food from the street vendors than Karina's, or Kaylee's, homemade feasts.

It seemed the rest of the crew could see that whatever happened between them was something he didn't wish to discuss or dissect. His scowl seemed enough to keep the unspoken question at bay after the first week. Luke never crossed a boundary, but Alex did. Bucky had thought Adi was nosey. However, what Bucky thought bothered him the most about Alex's irritating behavior and somewhat invasive questions was that he wasn't Steve and he knew the man could barely contain his attraction to Karina.

Bucky wouldn't classify the feeling to jealousy as he knew he didn't have anything to be exactly jealous of, but he just didn't exactly like how Alex talked about Karina, or better yet he didn't like that he talked about her at all. Maybe he could label the feeling as more of an _annoyance_. But he had no claim on the doll despite the speculation between the guys or even what happened two weeks ago.

But even then, he knew it was Friday which meant the boys were going down to the bar where they would bombard Karina about her sudden disappearance and he decided that it was time to end the radio silence and somehow rectify the situation even if there was some type of balm to fix it.

Bucky was packing up his water bottle and lunch pale and throwing it in his lunch box getting ready to leave when Cezar approached him with a grim facial expression on his face.

"How you doing, J?" He asked him in greeting.

He was doing fucking terrible considering the thoughts and emotions that were plaguing him since his birthday, but Bucky had come to be a decent liar. Plus, Cezar had been off last week and didn't seem to be caught up on gossip. "I'm good."

Cezar responded with a strained nod of the head before he placed his meaty hands on his hips. Bucky took a slow sip of his water as his eyes scanned the area as Cezar's behavior was making the hair rise on his neck. "Everything okay?"

Cezar rubbed his sunburnt neck and released a heavy sigh, "You haven't seen Alex have you?"

Bucky's shoulders relax slightly as he shook his head, "I haven't seen him all week, sir."

No one had seen Alex since the beginning of the week. Bucky at first didn't think anything of it, but if Cezar or anyone else was looking for him. Bucky knew he would need to help.

"I was afraid of that," Cezar muttered softly. "We think he fell off the wagon. Your girl –" Cezar paused no doubt seeing the pain expression that came across his face and despite the seriousness of the conversation chuckled. "Lady troubles, eh?"

 _That was an understatement,_ Bucky thought. He nodded not bothering to clarify that Karina wasn't exactly his girl.

"She lives near Ferentari?" Ferentari was known for its crime and drug rate.

"Couple blocks away."

"I would head over that way after work. That's Alex's old hangout." Cezar revealed pointedly. "You're a good worker, Jacob." Cezar added on with a pat on the shoulder thankfully to his flesh shoulder.

...

He mostly tried to tell himself he was not going over there because he was worried Alex would do something during her shift as it wasn't exactly a secret where she lived. Or that Alex's consistent bugging had not had anything to do in influencing him to make the trek to Karina's place after his shift at work, despite him not knowing exactly what he wanted to say, especially since most confrontations he seemed to engage in involved his fists. Words were evading him at this point which he knew was out of character for his former self as he had a feeling he had possessed a silver tongue when it came to smoothing the waters with dames.

Yet, as he tried to find a soliloquy to explain his behavior and ensuing absence all the words he planned to say evaporated from his tongue as he saw two police vehicles and an ambulance outside Karina's apartment complex with silent rotating emergency lights flashing. Panic flooded his system. Bucky paused at the corner of the block knowing he couldn't exactly make acquaintance with the police just in case of them recognizing him. Yet, the crowd was big enough he could blend into just to make sure Karina wasn't the one in the ambulance or hopefully she might have been in the crowd herself.

Bucky stuffed his hands in his pockets as he crept closer to the crowd casually picking up the whispered words of an attempted robbery, theft, and assault. Those words made his eyes scan the perimeter much quicker, and he knew when his eyes found Karina he had probably left a few bruise on bystanders shoulders as his metal shoulder smacked into a few people trying to reach her as she was the one who was in the back of the ambulance.

He easily slipped through the weak barricade the police had made and ignored the protests of the police officers as he marched up to Karina who was placating them that it was alright and she knew him. But all he could focus on was the fact her lip was split and swollen and the right side of her mouth and cheek had a nasty bruise forming just like her eye.

"What the hell happened!" He exclaimed and he wasn't even sure if it was Romanian, Russian, or English.

He could tell her immediate response was telling him that she was fine and to coddle him like he was an infant, but the glare he sent her way immediately made her close her lips to rethink her response. Instead of responding to his question, she looked over to the EMT who was an older lady with silver hair and slightly overweight with dark skin, "Do you think I am able to go back to my apartment?"

"Of course, hon, just make sure to rest so you don't aggravate those bruised ribs." The EMT's words immediately caused a scowl to be sent in Karina's direction as her eyes flitted away from his embarrassed. He knew it wasn't her fault for what happened, but he was still wondering exactly what the hell happened. "Also, since your man is here," the older lady said directing her words to him as she handed him what seemed to be instructions and pain pills, "honey, she has a concussion as well so make sure she takes it easy since she refuses to go to the hospital."

He quickly picked up Karina causing her to yelp in surprise and insist on him putting her down which he quickly ignored. They were only stopped once by the commanding officer who told her that her case was pretty solid although she should think about staying somewhere else for the night, pointedly looking at him, considering one of the assailants got away. Bucky's mood was quickly souring with each passing second.

As he got to the apartment he tried to brace himself knowing the place would be trashed. But it seemed a tornado went off in the place. Her TV was smashed, her bed was flipped over like her lone lounge chair, her dining ware was on the floor, and he could detect the scent of blood lingering in the air. Karina was quiet the whole time as he observed her place. Walking over to her lounge chair with his leg he flipped it over setting her down before he fixed her bed rather quickly and fixed the pillows.

She stayed uncharacteristically quiet, but only spoke when he helped her up and began to lift her shirt where she smacked his hands away surprising them both, "What are you doing?"

He didn't answer verbally, but gave her a look as he inched her shirt up and saw the deep dark shade of purple tainting her skin. He vaguely was aware of the plates shifting in his arm due to the anger running in his veins.

"Hey, I'm okay."

He looked at her incredulous that she had the audacity to say something like that considering her face and ribs. But here she was in pain trying to comfort him. He released the grip on her shirt surprised he didn't rip it as he motioned for her to lay down on her bed with her ice pack. "You going to tell me what happened?"

"There were two guys, I think they were casing me. They had to have known my work schedule as they thought I was probably working today, but someone had covered my shift. So imagine my surprise when I come back from buying some groceries and some men are in my home stealing things. At first, I thought it was Hydra," he watched her shudder at the mention of the Neo-Nazi organization whose most loyal servant, Brock Rumlow, was recently in the news for his dealings as an arms dealings, his acts as a mercenary or accurately being a terrorist. "But you can see what happened, but the self-defense you taught me came in handy. I managed to knock one unconscious."

"That doesn't exactly make me feel better," he muttered as he ran his hands through his hair. This was his entire fault. If the guys had been casing her, he should have noticed when he would come in for her shifts. Then he made her vulnerable by his two week long absence. He should have been here with her instead of running from his feelings. But there was that nagging voice in his head who was telling him who did this.

"Hey," his thoughts were broken by her grabbing his hand, "I'm okay. A little bruised up, but I've had worse."

His scowl turned into a frown as he eyed the only two scars on her body as he still didn't know what exactly caused those. His eyes found her face again and noticed she looked nervous as if she wasn't telling him everything, "Something you need to tell me?"

She visibly winced and had trouble looking him in the eyes as she moved the ice pack off her ribs and sat up straighter, "I've been thinking about leaving Bucharest."

Bucky's blue eyes widened and he felt his heart actually stop beating for a second. She couldn't…"Why?"

"Don't you think it's been too long staying in the same place? Wouldn't it be more practical to move especially considering what just happened? If the wrong person begins to dig…I wasn't going to leave without telling you. I wanted you to come too." Bucky knew logically it made sense now with the police having her fake identity on their records, but something felt off.

"Does this have to do with Rumlow?"

He knew it did as soon as she paled at the mention of Hydra's loyalist operative. He noticed she was steadily becoming jumpy after reading every article that was being printed about the man, who seemed to be more interested in taunting Steve and his team than of furthering Hydra's agenda that had crumbled since Strucker was killed during the Ultron calamity. Bucky could admit Rumlow, besides Karina, treated him decent during the few times he was there when he was unthawed for a mission. He always called him buddy and pal and he could tell Rumlow held a high esteem to him. He practically oozed in admiration and respect. But he knew Rumlow was also the most delusional considering how loyal he was to Hydra.

He wasn't going to belittle any worries Karina may have had regarding the man. Men like Rumlow were great at multitasking and he could have been searching for Karina especially if he suspected it would lead to him. But he liked to think someone Rumlow was connected to the history of her scars like her rarely mentioned ex-boyfriend who got her into this mess.

"I don't think he will come after me. I don't even think I'm a blip on his radar, but when they had me at the base with him I saw how crazy he was."

"What?"

"It was after Washington, Marcus immediately took me and we left already going to an airstrip before the first Helicarrier fell and we stayed at some remote Hydra base. Rumlow eventually made it there and he was so angry and blamed Steve, Black Widow, all of them for dropping a building on him. He would mock me for my behavior when I cared for you. He was physically and verbally abusive worse than that piece of shit I dated. But other than that I don't think he cared for me although he told Marcus multiple times he would get rid of me."

Bucky took a seat next to her on her bed, "What happened Karina?" He wasn't even talking about Rumlow anymore. He was talking about how she got out of there. A part of him felt as if they should have discussed this from the start. And the guilt kept piling on knowing how much she put him before herself.

He saw tears glistering in her eyes, "I killed him. Your friend and his people, they attacked the base, and I knew that it was my only chance, but it seemed he had the same idea. He first tried to shoot me hence the arm, but he is a lousy shot and the gun jammed, but I think a building being blown to Kingdom come was distracting to his aim. But then he had a knife and was just charging at me and we were fighting and he thought he killed me when nicked my neck and then he threw the knife on the ground and I took it and killed him."

She was crying now into his chest. The tears hot as he cradled her. His mind could only grasp a wispy image of Marcus as he knew the man with his occupation would have no business being near him anyways. Yet, he wished for the sake of Karina that he could get rid of the man himself knowing how he deliberately deceived Karina and he wouldn't have felt a modicum of guilt.

"And the worst part I felt relieved. Does that make me a horrible person?" She revealed over her cries.

Bucky shook his head at her suggestion that she would be a horrible person for acting in self-defense was ludicrous especially compared to him, "No, just a person trying to survive."

"That other man when he was here, I could have killed him. I wanted to," It was then he realized the blood he smelled had to be one of the intruders.

"But you didn't," Bucky pressed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "Don't worry about that, Karina. I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"You're here now, James. I don't want you to have to feel like _moy zashchitnik_ as I wouldn't want that burden on you, but I appreciate it all the same."

It was only then Bucky realized they had been having the entire conversation in Russian as he replied, "It isn't a burden. I want you to stay with me after this you can't be alone or at least living here."

He expected some fight or maybe that he was being dramatic and he assumed the concussion was more severe than he believed. But he packed her essentials for the night and even called the bar explaining the situation and noticed she had taken another pain pill.

He knew he would get some resistance if he tried to carry her all the way back to his place so he called a cab.

As they waited for the cab with her leaning heavily against him, he voiced the one thought he suppressed while making sure Karina was okay giving the circumstance.

"What did the other guy look like?" He asked causally in smooth Russian.

At first she was going to reply, but her lips pursed in a thin line the best they could as she shook her head, "No, James, just no."

* * *

 

 _moy zashchitnik_ – my protector


	9. Headlines

_**June 2014** _

Sam would have never imagined that him going on his daily runs would result in him meeting Captain America. Better yet seemingly making a good enough impression with the man that he felt he could trust him enough to seek refuge in his home with Natasha Romanoff – Black Widow – while Hydra set out the hit on them.

Furthermore, he didn't expect to actually join Captain America in the fight to finally take down Hydra.

But even with all that _excitement_ , since that fight in the middle of DC, when Steve realized Bucky – his best friend – that was presumed dead wasn't dead, but was somehow working for the enemy, a change had happened within Steve that was noticeable to him. With Natasha's help, they knew Hydra had brainwashed Bucky into working for them.

Sam could admit he was wary of the assassin since he did shoot at him from the roof of his car and ripped out his steering and ripped one of his wings of his suit off like plastic.

But when he took a step back from the situation, this man was Captain America's best friend. He along with Steve worked to disable Hydra bases. The man probably hated Hydra more than Steve considering he was taken captive by Hydra once before. So without all the technicalities, someone would suspect something was fishy if Captain America's best friend didn't recognize him and tried to kill him.

But this man was Hydra's machine for a long time even if Steve somehow broke through Hydra's programming; the man was what they made him into longer than the man Steve knew. Sam didn't think _that_ man wasn't there, from what he gathered the memory implantation they used on Sergeant Barnes didn't seem permanent. But they didn't know what memories he did recall and his memory was already impaired probably when he fell from that train. On top of that, this man was a prisoner of war and was no doubt suffering from a severe case of PTSD. Never mind, Bucky was probably beside himself that he was ordered and almost killed his best friend.

But Sam wouldn't feel right with himself in letting Steve look for his friend on his own. Even though he had come to see Steve had some blinders when it was coming to searching for Bucky, he could understand Steve.

If this was Riley, he would be doing the same thing as Steve.

That was why Sam would tag along with Steve so he wouldn't burn himself out and just to make sure the man was alright. In following the leads on Barnes they were finding some things that weren't exactly humane when it came to how they forced their will with Bucky.

It had been almost two weeks since he and Steve went to the Alps where Bucky fell. It wasn't exactly a bust as they did find the initial base they kept Bucky in and with some high tech things, provided by Stark, it revealed that someone was there recently. Steve had automatically assumed Bucky might have been there trying to find his past. Sam didn't agree or disagree. But whoever was there had a lot of rage considering the place was torn to shreds and Sam knew someone with a metal limb was more than capable of what they discovered at the base.

So as he drank some orange juice, he was startled when Steve dropped a newspaper on his countertop declaring they were going back to Brooklyn.

"You found a new lead?" Sam asked neutrally.

Steve pointed at an article detailing about a college student being missing since April – since everything happened at SHIELD.

Karina Orlov, who in his opinion was very beautiful, was a college student at George Washington University for Biomedical Engineering.

The article gave conflicting reports that she was with a Marcus Peterson, who was actually a sleeper agent for Hydra, people reported they were together at the time, but close sources said that Karina didn't seem happy with him and would frequently avoid any conversations about Marcus for a few months prior to her disappearance. The article further suggested that Karina was a Hydra agent herself after documenting timed absences with missions reportedly when they had activated The Winter Soldier.

However, Karina's guardian, Anya, was essentially claiming bullshit that Karina was a Hydra agent. Sam did zone in that Anya mentioned that all what was happening to Karina was because of the sins of her father. That's why Karina's birth mother fled from Russia.

When Sam was done he didn't even get to speak as Steve spoke, "She worked on his arm."

"I gathered that much, but is this lead for Bucky or to potentially save this girl, Steve."

Guilt flickered across the Captain's face briefly before he responded, "I want to find Bucky, but no matter what she is in danger if they haven't already killed her for her skills. And I think if Hydra didn't take her, Bucky probably did to keep maintenance on his arm."

"With all the mind alterations, do you think he would even remember her?"

"He remembered me and I didn't see him for 70 years."

"Steve…"

Sam watched a wistful smile take over his friend's lips before his face fell even more. "Bucky is still in there and I know it. And if she was coerced into working for them he wouldn't leave her there. I feel it in my gut. You don't have to come, but I am going to talk to Anya already called."

Steve had blind faith and blinders the size of the Atlantic when it came to Bucky.

"When are we leaving?"

* * *

 

In the three months since Karina moved in with James, she concluded, although she already known, he led a very dull life when she wasn't with him, and that they always ended up sleeping in odd arrangements.

They both still hadn't discussed what happened on their birthdays and it seemed neither were going to make any effort to clear that air. So she wasn't surprised when after his decision that she should stay with him, he never actual disclosed if it was supposed to be temporary, there was some awkward tension in the air regarding where she should sleep.

Even with her concussion and screaming ribs, she was not about to take his whole bed when she could sleep on a couch that he didn't even fit like she could. It would have been like sleeping on a twin size bed all you had to do was shave off a few inches. But James being the man he was refused to have the lady sleep on the couch with or without her injuries. Regarding the sleeping arrangements, it was a short impasse considering all her adrenaline was depleting when she just comprised that they were both adults and could sleep in the bed. First, he immediately and vehemently refused to share sleeping space with her as he felt he could lash out during a nightmare. Thankfully, he didn't lash out anymore in his nightmares usually the dreams paralyzed him or he would wake up and be up for the rest of the night. He reinforced over and over for her to not try to intervene or wake him up during a nightmare.

However, on their first night of sharing the same bed, she could admit she tried to sneak on the couch during the middle of the night, as when she felt him lay down in the bed _after_ he tried to sleep on the couch, she was thwarted after the man wasn't even sleeping.

The first few days were awkward. Both would lay stiffly next to one another the uncomfortable tension palpable about what was unspoken between them. In hindsight she knew both of them were blowing it out of proportion acting like two adolescent teenagers. Now it didn't seem to be a problem. As her wounds healed, the awkwardness disappeared when they _slept_ apparently. They seemed to be an evolving door of sleeping positions from them switching being the little or big spoon. Arms wrapped around another while legs were tangled together. She would found herself practically laying on top of him on his bare chest listening to the melody of his heart beating, or further proving her theory of him being a breast man she would feel his breath on her chest, the only thing he didn't do was grope the ample flesh being the respectable man he was.

The only comical thing that happened once was her hair accidently choked him once out of his sleep.

Today she found herself laying across his back face down while his face was buried in his pillow. She was thankful she didn't drool while she slept considering the man went to bed shirtless. Karina removed her face from his muscular back that was running extra warm when she heard him mumbling into his pillow.

She knew it was only a matter of time before he woke up as he was usually a very lite sleeper only on a few occasions he would sleep a little late in the morning. She crept off the mattress and went about her morning routine in the bathroom in washing her face and brushing her teeth. Opening the door, she found James sitting on the side of the mattress rubbing his tired eyes.

There was no point in denying that she was attracted to him, but he was really appealing on the eyes when he just woke up with his bed hair and usually he looked relaxed as he waited for her to finish in the bathroom.

"Morning," he croaked as he gave her a sleepy smile and stretched as he stood up. Watching him flex, she knew he did it on purpose. Living him with had brought out a more teasing side to him which she believed was his old personality shining through. She realized she didn't respond to his salutation as he lightly chuckled and lightly squeezed her waist.

Karina shook her head and quickly got dressed while James did his morning routine which consisted of a shower and considering it was the weekend he didn't have to work and she usually made him breakfast.

But as she twirled the end of her plaited hair, she realized they had nothing to eat and needed to do some serious grocery shopping and she internally groaned. She hated grocery shopping and would have preferred to assign a task like that onto James as he didn't mind shopping at all, despite him looking at labels seemingly memorizing them. He was still appalled that people didn't want items with sugar. But now since an incident in Lagos with The Avengers, the public's general opinion of enhanced individuals were changing, James had been getting wary. He didn't like to venture out much like before considering now a lot of countries were trying to ratify something that limited The Avengers activities and all enhanced beings. She was following the events closely in the papers, since they didn't have a TV anymore, compared to James who was following loosely. Even though James didn't do vigilante work, _while she had her suspicions he did indeed tracked down the other man who robbed her place considering there was a missing sign for his coworker_ , and seemed to hide his prosthetic very well, he was still an enhanced individual and someone who was wanted by the US government. James had just mention a couple days of go he thought leaving Romania might be a good idea after all.

"We need to go shopping," she announced as she heard James exited the bathroom.

...

She knew she was hanging around James too much as she could not explain why she had on a zip up hoodie in the middle of June. Despite the sweater being lightweight camo gray print that fit her frame nicely, she was questioning her clothing choice as it was not exactly chilly. But she walked past the fruit stands and ignored the feeling that she wouldn't label as annoyance or jealousy as the woman at the stands unabashedly flirted with James. After the first two visits to the stands where James was known as a regular, she watched with at first a furrow brow and then a clenched jaw as the woman was practically all but opening her legs for him. But Karina knew she couldn't exactly do anything as James wasn't her man or anything, but that didn't mean she didn't have to watch it even if it gave him discounted fruit.

So every other Saturday she found herself walking towards Emilio's paper stand. She would purchase the paper or some magazines to read to keep herself from glaring daggers at the woman or wanting to gauge her eyes out while waiting for James to work his charm.

With her hands in the pocket of her jacket she greeted Emilio who tipped his hat at her and being prepared already had her paper ready.

"Can you believe it that guy one of the most deadly assassins gets caught by a rookie mistake? This is supposed to be Captain America's best friend."

Karina looked at him confused as she paid for her paper, but her stomach plummeted and she had the urge to throw up. She wouldn't have been surprised if her mouth was open like a fish gaping out of water. Her hands were definitely shaking as the paper accused James – The Winter Soldier – of bombing the conference in Vienna where they were ratifying the Accords.

Karina wasn't even aware of what Emilio was saying to her as she walked away. At any moment she felt she was going to collapse from shock – fear. The government already had a full day lead on them if anyone gave them a useful tip that James was here.

James had just paid for the fruit when she reached him the panic clearly on her face which immediately caused him to frown in concern. She didn't give him the chance to speak as she dragged him away from prying eyes – that insufferable woman – and shoved the paper in his arms almost causing him to drop his bag of plums.

He looked confused, but she watched as disbelief crossed his features swiftly as his face hardens. He clenched his jaw and looked around at the people passing before he tossed the paper in the trash and grabbed her by her arm practically dragging her.

She knew she was going to be thrown to the neighboring roof. She just knew it.

...

Despite the backpack to cushion the throw from the roof, she knew she bruised something, most likely her whole right side of her body that took the brunt of the fall. But she couldn't really stop and focus on the pain that was shooting up in her side. As she quickly stripped her hoodie off and hastily undid her braid in her hair, all she knew was that she needed to find some sort of shelter and lay low and find a way to the motel at the edge of town. She needed to follow the plan that her and James made in case of a disaster like this.

People in the city were already panicking from the German Task Force converging on the city for the target and the gunshots that separated her and James. Her heart clenched at the realization they were separated and for who knew how long. She trusted James' ability to somehow escape considering it seemed Captain America was in their apartment trying to help his friend. Her mind was still reeling from seeing the first super soldier in person, but anything she might have felt was squashed when tear gas and men started shooting at them. Then after being thrown on the roof of the neighboring building and much to James' displeasure for her not leaving the roof when he finally made it over, a flying cat came out of the sky bearing claws tried to rip James' throat out. Luckily, she found a metal pipe and was able to distract the feline predator enough with a blow to the head that didn't seem to hinder him. However it was enough for James to get the leverage he needed to get off the roof while more guns went off.

Karina was wondering what happened to due process or really it seemed they didn't even want to arrest James; they were trying to _kill_ him on site. He was being treated as a terrorist. But as they ran in the street and she quickly realized she was a liability considering she would not be able to keep up with James. He had enhanced speed even with him carrying her it would make her a burden. But since the government favored guns, bullets rained out of the sky separating them as he jumped down into the tunnels and she ran into the crowd that was trying to get away from the activity. Now she was trying to make cover with the markets as she stealthily grabbed sunglasses and a hat. She could still hear the sirens blaring in the distance no doubt still chasing James.

But she couldn't focus on that. She needed to focus on her mission which was getting to the edge of town before the night. She would stay there for two days, but pay for three with an alias and then leave even if he didn't come by then. If he wasn't there by then she would leave the coordinates to where she was heading in a note rolled up and taped to the other side of an outlet that could easily be unscrewed. Most likely if James was caught it would be on the news and she knew at least he would be in Germany. So she could ignore that particular step. And by bus it would take a day at least to reach Berlin.

All the plans she was making were quickly interrupted when she felt something latch on her ankles that caused her to fall down and she went to break the fall with her hands when like her ankles her wrists were bound together. Pain quickly erupted in her face as her chin collided harshly with the cement and she didn't know if she bit through her tongue or lip, but she tasted blood, and her nose was burning like her chin.

She could hear gasps run through the crowd before the ground slightly rumbled and a voice saying she was secured. She felt herself being roughly grabbed causing her to scream out in pain as now her side was smarting and their grips were bruising. At first she thought it was Iron Man, but it was _his_ friend that eyed her before flying away before the task force roughly shoved her in the car. She wasn't read her rights or even told what she was arrested for; she guessed she should have been glad they didn't shoot her.

...

Her tongue swept her bottom lip where she instantly she tasted copper, she didn't bite it through but the lip was split and nicked from the inside. Where the hell was the medical treatment?

As she sat in the reinforced cage, her head lolling on the window, she had the overwhelming urge to cry. And she was pissed because she couldn't speak German.

She and the remaining officers, who were no doubt talking about her, in German, sat in the parked van for a good ten minutes before they moved with a fleet of officers. By then her palms were sweating as she tried to ignore the throbbing in various parts of her body by thinking – praying – James got away. But then she felt it only added onto her pain as if he did get away she got caught which she would be ecstatic, but she was afraid he would do something reckless. If he was indeed caught, then she was worried about the ramifications because the government only cared about accountability and she highly doubted they would believe he was framed as they would look at what Hydra did and make him the scapegoat for the sins Hydra committed. It was a double edged sword all around. And to make matters worse she was still bound by her wrists and ankles which she thought was highly unnecessary it wasn't like she exactly was resisting arrest.

"Excuse me." She said in an even voice as they had been parked near the police station for another ten minutes and of course they ignored her. "Excuse me." She repeated a little louder and she was tempted to kick the seat like a petulant child. Even though she felt like a caged animal with the bars she wasn't even a terrorist or a fugitive. She might have been aiding and abetting, but James was innocent anyways. She was listing everything she was going to sue the German Task Force for when she thought the officers were going to address her when they only stood outside the doors of the truck. She glared at the men and followed their line of site until her mouth dropped when she saw Captain America and Sam Wilson being escorted to the car along with another man she didn't recognized but there was no James. Her staring was stopped when the men began shouting in English for her to get back which only hardened her glare as they opened the door to presumably let the men in.

"You get in the back!" One ordered.

"Um, I can't walk with these." She muttered as she kicked out her legs. "I'm not even an _enhanced_ individual."

"There is no reason for her to be restrained like that?"

"Has she received any medical treatment?"

Steve and Sam spoke at the same time as they eyed the task force aghast by the state of her appearance.

"You two aren't in any position to ask questions or give orders." The officers barked.

She watched as Steve clenched his jaw before he stepped forward and broke the metal with his bare hands on her ankles. "Ms. Orlov."

"You know my name?" Karin muttered dumbfounded considering he seemed to not know her at James' apartment and that Captain America was defying orders and was being treated like a criminal.

"I know a lot more than you think," he replied with a soft smile before he turned around to address the officers. "I'm removing the cuffs on her wrists and I would appreciate a first aid kit."

"No, I'm fine. I don't need the kit." Karina didn't want any more unnecessary attention drawn to herself.

He looked up and went to respond and she noticed his gaze turned sad. She followed his eyes and found him staring at James' dog tags. For some reason she felt remorseful and sad for Steve himself as his best friend was with her recovering while Steve no doubt was looking for him.

"Is he…alive?" She asked cautiously.

Steve blinked before nodding his head. "Yeah, he is in that transportation vehicle."

Karina looked over and his description of the vehicle was being _very generous_. It was army green and looked like a garbage truck in all honestly. But she suspected there had to be some type of reinforcement in the cage.

"He didn't do it," she blurted out and she winced as her original plan was to not say anything until she got legal representation.

Steve looked at desolately. He didn't agree or disagree which she admit angered her as much as hurt her, but she knew his instincts were telling him something wasn't right.

Sam appeared with a first aid kit and Steve stepped aside to let Sam handle cleaning her face.

"You want to tell me what happened?" His voice was calm and welcoming. She could tell the man was friendly in general, but she didn't expect Captain America to hang out with jerks.

"I was…walking and the next thing I know those were wrapped around me and I took a pretty hard fall."

Sam nodded although he looked skeptical if she was telling truth before he warned her that her wounds were about to sting. The cleaning took a good three minutes and the officers patience seemed to have run out as they were ordered back in the truck.

...

Sam sat next to her in the back, Steve was in the second row, and the third man who she learned was T'Challa and the Prince of Wakanda and a grieving son. She could admit he was slightly intimidating. Sam had informed her they would be going to an airplane to go to Germany and then would be escorted by vehicles to the CIA headquarters in Berlin. The ride after that was quiet. Everyone seemed to be deep in thought. Karina was in too much pain to think of anything but how she would give to be laying on James' mattress in ignorance. He warned her that this could happen. As she got deeper in her thoughts she didn't care what they did to her. She was petrified of what they were going to do to James.

Steve surprisingly was the first one to break the silence after they were transported to the airplane, "Were you with him since Washington?"

Karina looked at him like a deer caught in headlights before she lamely shook her head, "No, I was taken…and escaped. We met in Bucharest 4 months later."

"And you been with him ever since?" Sam asked from next to her.

"Basically," she said softly. She knew Steve wanted to ask her more, but he remained silent for the car ride and she believed his lack of questions had to do with the third man in the vehicle.

Karina ignored the dark brown eyes that were staring at her in the front seat and come to find later when they arrived in Berlin due to Sam finally breaking the ice with him, he was the flying cat. He was set on killing James.

* * *

 

_**June 2014** _

_**Brighton Beach** _

As he and Sam walked under the bridge and down into the busy streets lined with multiple home owned shops with signs painted in Russian, Steve was surprised how despite the place being way more packed, it didn't seem all that different from the 30s. He liked to attribute that fact due to the Russian culture of this neighborhood in Brooklyn was still as vibrant as it was when he was younger. And the buildings he remembered passing as a kid with Bucky were still standing.

And just like then and now, he was at a disadvantage when he came to this area, he didn't speak any Russian.

But the language barrier was solved when a young man with brown hair came bustling to them with a welcoming smile, " _Dobroye utro! dobro pozhalovat'!_ Good morning! Welcome to Brighton Beach Captain Rogers and Sergeant Wilson. Thank you both for your service to our country. I'm Mischa, Anya's youngest son."

"Thank you and nice to meet you, Mischa, and please call me Steve," Steve greeted with a firm shake of the hand.

Mischa turned to Sam offering him a handshake, "Just call me Sam."

"Okay, my _mama_ is at the shop. She would have greeted you both in person, but my mama is quite popular around here and she believes you wouldn't want the extra attention." Mischa informed them as he began leading them to his family's shop. "Now, I'm warning you my _mama_ can be a bit abrasive and now with Karina missing, she is easily worked up."

"We understand." Steve said politely and he noticed that Mischa walked with a slight limp and favored his right leg. "Were you and Karina close?"

"Yes, she was a sister to me and all my older brothers." Steve noticed the pained look that came over the man's features as his eyes became glossy. "Now, let me show you the neighborhood my _mama_ would be displeased if I didn't show you around. I'm sure some things have changed since the 40s. Sam, have you been here before?"

"No, I haven't."

"Well welcome to Little Odessa!"

Mischa gave them a very abridged tour of the neighborhood as to not keep Anya waiting. They stopped at a butcher shop that was surprisingly closed on such a busy day. Mischa gave them a smile before entering the shop where Anya was there waiting for them with a smile.

Steve and Sam watched as Mischa gave his mother a kiss in greeting before Anya approached them.

Anya was short and curvy and had short blonde hair and was wearing a white chef coat and ruby red lipstick. She didn't look a day over 30, "Ahh, Captain America and Tweety Bird. I'm Anya."

Steve smirked at name bestowed upon Sam as he tried hard not to be insulted but Anya snickered, "I'm kidding, but you have interesting costume." Anya's grey eyes turned to him. "Captain, your costume during the New York invasion wasn't much better. That was a hideous thing, I'm surprise the aliens weren't distracted how atrocious it was. Stick to the classics sweetheart." Steve heard Sam chuckle from besides him. "But thank you both for your service and for reaching out as it seems no one else is taking the search for my _malen'kiy uchenyy."_ She officially greeted with a handshake.

"Thank you, ma'am." Both veterans replied.

"Ugh, just call me Anya. Please have a seat, you want anything to drink? Water, pop, coffee, tea, vodka anything you want on me." She asked as she directed them to a table to sit at.

"No thank you, Anya."

"I'll actually have water, please," Sam said.

Anya nodded her head and quickly went to her cooler and produced a water bottle for Sam.

"I can't thank you enough for coming here." She began as she sat down, "For a while, I was worried whatever was left from those _parasites_ would find me. I'm surprised the press even is still printing the story about Karina."

"I don't mean to insult you, Anya, but how do you know Karina wasn't working for Hydra." Steve said delicately. Steve wasn't taking chances as since the fall of SHIELD and realizing that people he considered friends were secretly working for Hydra, he soon realized why Nick Fury had trust issues.

Anya didn't seem insulted as she leaned back in her chair. "Back in the Cold War, I was known for helping people get settled in America. It was well known back in my former motherland. It was what my family was known for. In 1992 after the fall, someone arrived on my doorstep that didn't use the proper protocols so to speak when asking and receiving my help. I almost dismissed them as I smelt trouble on them. But then I heard a baby crying and the woman even begged that I take her child. For a mother to do that, I knew something was up and you seen pictures of Karina. She had the most magnificent green eyes, so memorizing even as a child. I'll admit I was still considering turning her away, but I knew my Petro, my husband, wouldn't be proud of me for turning away a mother who was seeking shelter. Plus, she came to me for a reason. She could easily have gone to a shelter or anywhere else, but I knew she was running and she knew I could provide a new life for her.

I took her into this very shop back into the office. I gave her a warm cup of coffee and milk for the little one. Karina's mother, Yelena Noskov, was a frighten little thing that night. Jumpy, easily could have been mistaken for a junkie as she was covered in filth, but the baby was properly cared for. We sat in silence for a while before I told her she needed to tell me the truth. I believed she must have done something pertaining to the government and she didn't want to be sent to a gulag or what was left of them. But she was wearing a wedding ring and I didn't realize I ignored the obvious, where's the father? Maybe she was running from the father."

Anya clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and her eyes became dazed as if she was reliving the moment right then. She sat up straighter as she waved her finger at them. " I come to realize Yelena was a shit liar that she unfortunately passed that down to her daughter. But finally I broke her into telling her the truth. Her husband worked for a secret faction of the Soviet and US government, Hydra, luckily for me living in this area and knowing your story Captain Rogers I knew who they were which left me confused because you died taking them down. Abram Noskov was her husband's name and was an engineer – cybernetics." Anya looked at Steve with a knowing face and he felt his stomach tighten.

"She told me her husband was in charge of an important Asset for them. She said she didn't know what had exactly happened but all she knew this Asset was dangerous and a person made into a weapon with a bionic arm, but she believed her husband was trying to compromise the Asset. She said Abram came home and told her she needed to leave and settle somewhere, but Hydra was everywhere and to protect their daughter. She believed they sent the Asset out to kill him and probably her. And then she came to America and found me.

She lived a good life here and I helped raise Karina after Yelena passed when the child was 8. Raised her like my own and it was a nice change considering I gave birth to five boys. The only thing I regret is I didn't listen to Yelena about Karina's interest in science. Yelena would always say Karina had her looks, but her father's brain. It was foolish of me thinking that Hydra would forget about the family, but I practically primed Karina for them. Encouraging her to pursue her dreams in science when I knew Yelena didn't want it, but Karina is so bright and when Mischa had his accident with his leg and she made a limb for him, how could I deny the child's dreams to her." Anya was getting visibly choked up as she dug in her pocket for a cigarette and took a long drag. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to –"

"It's okay," Steve said giving a comforting smile.

"But I encouraged her dreams and she went off to college and met that _Ublyudok,_ Marcus. My other mistake, I sheltered Karina a little and having five protective older brothers dating was near impossible. She had boys before but she didn't love them like Marcus. God, I remember when I met him, he was a bad seed. That smile he had plastered on his face and the way he carried himself something was off. As a mother I know these things and her brothers weren't all that impressed either, but she liked him and he had a decent career, we thought. I of course told Karina about my feelings towards the boy and like I expected she listened, but didn't take my words seriously. But sometime after the holidays, after January, we spoke on the phone I could tell something was off and every phone call after that. But then turn on the news in April and I see you fighting a cyborg and warrants out for Marcus Peterson's arrest. My Karina _gone_. I know my Karina would never work for Neo-Nazi's."

"Anya, what happened wasn't your fault. Hydra was very good at almost getting what they wanted. I believe Karina may still be under Hydra's watch or with –"

"The Winter Soldier," Anya finished softly for him.

Steve, Sam, and Anya talked a little more and Anya revealed more things she thought would be helpful in the search for Karina and more about Karina herself. Steve felt angry at Hydra how they ruined this woman's life who had so many dreams she wanted to accomplish.

They stayed at the shop close to two hours and now Anya was offering them Russian delicacies to try.

Steve watched as Sam sampled practically every dish at the butcher shop from Blini, Knish, Khinkali, Pelmeni, Shashlik, Pirozhki, and the Tula Gingerbread.

Steve himself took a small sample of some Shashlik and Zharkoye, a soup he hadn't had since he lived in Brooklyn before the war.

"You know this shop was here when I was younger," Steve revealed as he finished his soup. He paused deep in thought as he tried to recall the owner of this shop then, "Anatoly."

Anya smiled, "That was my Uncle, if it wasn't for him none of my family would be here."

"You know Miss. Anya these are so delicious." Sam added in

"I'll wrap some up for you and when you find Karina she knows how to make all these. I'm sure she wouldn't mind creating a Russian feast for you."

If my research was right, Sam, I believe, would be a Technical Sergeant. Military jargon slightly baffles me so if anyone has a correction let me know.

* * *

 

Ublyudok – bastard

_malen'kiy uchenyy – little scientist_


	10. Blackout

Karina didn't realize she fell asleep until she was softly jostled out of her slumber. Despite the gentle wakeup call it didn't stop the pained hiss to pass through her lips, as the movement made the right side of her body scream in protest.

"You okay?"

Karina opened her bleary eyes and looked at Sam, "I think my right side of my body is a little tender at the moment."

Sam looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she could feel Steve's eyes on her, "How did that happen?"

Karina becoming more aware of her surroundings, she realized they were heading down a tunnel and the truck containing James was in front of them. But she remembered Sam had asked her a question, "I was tossed onto a roof from a distance that was unanticipated."

"Anything feel broken?"

"Don't think so," she answered as she watched the Task Force transport James out of the truck only to see he was contained in another cage made of glass. A frown graced her lips as once they settled the container James was in, they were let out of the vehicles. She along with the three other men were escorted to more officers where an man in a gray suit with matching hair was waiting along with a young blonde woman.

Steve was the first to speak, "What's going to happen to him?"

"Same thing that ought to happen to you," the man easily replied with no ounce of thinking, "Psychological evaluation and extradition."

The blonde woman next to him spoke, "This is Everett Ross, Deputy Task Force Commander."

"What about a lawyer?" Steve asked.

Everett laughed incredulously and condescendingly answered, "Lawyer, that's funny." Karina looked at him with a scowl at the treatment James was receiving. "See that their weapons are placed in lock-up," he ordered as he looked them over before settling on her. "And that book bag as well."

"Can I talk to him – James?" Karina asked and immediately pursed her lips shut and winced as they were tendered. The man eyed her over and she knew he was probably going to reject the idea, but he surprised him. "Sure, two minutes. I'm feeling generous."

Karina ignored her protesting muscles as she swiftly walked over to James. She watched as he tensed most likely at the site of her face and she didn't miss the wince he gave as he immediately released the fist he made with his metal palm.

"I'm fine," she said as she reached him. She wanted to step closer to the glass, but the guards didn't allow her.

He went to reply, but he closed his mouth and she watched a defeated look overcame his features and what she had to say she knew wasn't going to exactly comfort him. " _I'm scared - worried, James_." She revealed in Russian and as soon as the words left her mouth she was roughly jerked away.

"Hey –" She heard James speak, but it was drowned out by another voice.

"Hey, you don't need to be rough with her," she heard Steve call out as he walked over to her.

Karina's calm demeanor snapped, "I'm not an _enhanced_ individual assholes! Jesus Christ, when this is over, I'm suing all of you for misconduct especially since half of these bruises on my body are from you bastards!"

"Take her to medical now!" She heard Everett Ross ordered.

* * *

 

Bucky clenched his jaw at Karina's words as he leaned his head back on the head rest of the contraption that had him perfectly restrained, almost like they made it just for him. He was strapped down across his chest. He had cuffs around his ankles. And the cuffs around his arms were remarkably similar to the chair Hydra controlled him with even down to the electrical pulses that they were shooting into his metal limb – his body – to subdue him. The feeling itself was annoying like when Black Widow threw one of her taser discs at him. He knew if he concentrated enough he could break the shackles like he wanted to do when she came over to him bruised and battered. Her nose and chin were scraped and looked raw. Her lips looked split and was slightly swollen and he could tell she was in pain from how she was walking and he knew she had to still be feeling the impact from where he tossed her on the roof considering the height. She wasn't an enhanced being or someone trained to be tossed that great of a distance to absorb the impact.

And now they were manhandling her, "Steve," the name felt foreign gliding off his tongue and the guilt he was already feeling for Karina getting dragged in his mess was mounting as Steve, being the stubborn loyal friend, was got himself caught in the midst, considering he tried to act like he didn't know him. So now his friend had risked his standing with his peers over him. "You need to get her out of here. She has nothing to do with this."

"I will, Buck."

He only nodded his head as Steve was escorted away.

* * *

 

Karina was in an interrogation room after her lengthy checkup in medical which included them taking away the knife she had stashed in her boot. She could admit she was deliberately rude and slightly uncooperative with the doctor but she was pissed. She still didn't exactly know what she was being tried with while they held her without formal charges, but she knew the limit was 48 she believed. Karina knew when she got out of this place she was looking up legal terms and her rights as an US citizen as this was the CIA.

The only thing she believed they could charge her with was aiding and abetting, as according to them, James was guilty of whatever they were going to charge him with like the Vienna bombing.

But at least she had been given a painkiller for the headache and pain that was wrecking her body. And considering their rough treatment of her earlier, which resulted in enflamed wrists and a few bruises on her arm, they had forgone the cuffs.

She heard the door to her room open; she didn't dare looking over her shoulder as she strategically placed her body with her back facing the door and camera. She assumed the person entering was a female due to the clicking of heels. She heard the person sit down in the chair opposite from her, but Karina told herself she wasn't going to talk not without a lawyer.

"Smart facing away from the camera, we can't see anything."

Karina internally groaned. They sent the Black Widow to interrogate her. If this were any other circumstance Karina would have been a fangirl, but not this day. She kept quiet.

"Ross is working on getting you a public defendant and after Barnes you will receive a psych evaluation."

_Oh, so now she was crazy._ Karina just focused on the wall in front of her.

"It would really help if you talked to us. It could help Barnes and you."

Karina turned around and ignored how stunningly beautiful the spy in front of her was and crossed her arms, "You guys already think he is guilty, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"We have footage placing him at the time of bombing."

Karina pursed her lips, "For someone who could outwit the God of Lies, you're acting pretty dense."

The Black Widow didn't give any indication she was insulted by her words as her face remained blank as she leaned back in her chair, "Well by all means explain."

Karina berated herself for cracking so early and she knew that the Black Widow didn't even _work_ for it. "For two years, he remained hidden under the radar and if you did your research he had a job and an apartment. He had some stability and a sense of identity since he broke Hydra's programming. For two years, he eluded the government and Steve and now all of a sudden _The Winter Soldier_ makes a rookie mistake by letting his face be seen on camera when the most public mission he ever did was attack Nick Fury, you, and Captain America in DC to divert you guys who the real threat was. And then why in the hell would he bomb a conference anyways that looked to amend a document that was really set in stone? He was framed. Someone wanted him out of hiding."

"How do you fit into all this?"

Karina didn't hide the eye roll she threw at the Black Widow as she was sure the woman already knew her story and probably what her favorite flavor of toothpaste she used.

"My work in college caught their attention and my ex-boyfriend was my monitor. Hydra needed someone for James' arm and it's not like Hydra gives you an option. It's either work for them or death." Karina looked up into the camera, "In no way have I worked for Hydra voluntarily. I was coerced. That was in January of 2014 until April, I only was called with they woke him from cryo. When SHIELD fell, I was then taken to a base where you and your team practically demolished. Thanks by the way, not only was I shot and stabbed with a knife by my crazy ex, but I had to escape the rubble from you guys. I got out and hitchhiked for a while then settled into Romania and we crossed path and surprisingly he remembered me. If you need our alibi's I am pretty sure you can ask his co-workers at the construction site and from the bar I worked at. I want my lawyer." Karina demanded before she turned around giving the Black Widow her back.

At least the woman took the hint and left the room.

* * *

 

Steve's eyes were flicking from the camera on Bucky to Karina. The psychiatrist was still being prepped in handling Bucky's case and Bucky was still in that enforced cage. His face a blank mask, but he knew Bucky and he could see in his eyes the worry that was surely not about him, but about Karina.

And listening to Karina and seeing Bucky it made sense something was off about the whole thing. He could admit he was at first concerned his friend might have set that bomb and he only wanted to make Bucky's arrest _peaceable_ in a sense. He just wanted to get his friend out alive since they issued a kill order on him. He wasn't going to let Bucky escape; he didn't resist when they made to arrest Bucky and he didn't resist himself. He just wanted his friend to have his rights respected. He still deserved due process – a trial with a jury of his peers.

He didn't know how Bucky was or exactly all the technicalities of what Hydra did to make him The Winter Soldier and he didn't know how Bucky was exactly recovering with the psychological issues. Yet, when he was in that apartment and face to face with his friend he knew that Bucky didn't set that bomb or even that Karina somehow made it. The government, the UN, were just trying to hold someone accountable and not looking for the true culprit. Now with how they were treating Karina, who was human, Bucky, and Wanda, he knew he could never sign these Accords.

How they were treating enhanced individuals was interment and he would never sign something that would hinder someone's individual rights – their individual freedom.

"She was there when we got that lead on Rumlow," Natasha announced as she walked into the conference room.

Steve nodded his head. He remembered that exact mission it was the only lead he and The Avengers worked on pertaining to Rumlow and it was the most bloodiest of fights which was expected considering it was Rumlow. That night they didn't see Rumlow's shadow, however, but all those Hydra operatives were aiming to kill and he remembered grenades being thrown on both sides.

He heard Natasha moving to his side. At times he treasured her company, and he truly respected both hers and Tony's decision in signing, but now it just felt like she was telling him all the wrong things like now. "Steve, if Barnes is innocent pertaining to this incident, they are still going to want to hold him accountable for his actions as The Winter Soldier."

"It wasn't him, Nat, you know that." Steve said and he was beginning to sound like a broken record. He could understand why Bucky may seem distrustful considering he shot Natasha twice, almost killed Sam, was under the control of Hydra, and almost killed him. He was blatantly aware of what Bucky was exactly capable from what Hydra conditioned into him.

But he didn't hold Clint responsible for he done under Loki's control. He never judged Natasha for her past with the KGB. He was tired of everyone looking at Bucky as if he was the villain.

Hydra was accountable for all of Bucky's actions as The Winter Soldier.

"We all know who the blame goes to."

* * *

 

He wondered if this was going to be his new home. He could admit it was a lot roomier than his cryochambers and even that goddamn chair. A part of him knew that this day was coming, although he thought it would have been for his past sins and for something he actually did, but he knew eventually his past would catch up to him.

Maybe it was reckless of him to have formed a relationship with Karina when he knew this. He put her in danger. He didn't care if she thought she knew the risks, he should have stuck with his gut and never permitted them to get as close as they did. Maybe he should have of encouraged her to leave Bucharest like she was back in March.

And guessing how the officers were treating him and witnessing how rough they were with Karina, they were probably going to lock her up just for being associated with him. They would probably accuse her of working for Hydra and helped him plant this bomb he was accused of planting in Vienna. Although, he was more than capable of making a bomb himself.

However, he was quickly annoyed with the psychiatrist with his _James this_ and _James that_. His claims he only wanted to help and his overall _friendly_ nature, he wasn't going to entertain the quack and all those who were watching the camera feed. But he knew he couldn't act like a petulant child and had to answer some of the basic questions. He didn't need them questioning his mental well-being more than they already were.

"My name is Bucky," he gruffly corrected Dr. Theo Broussard.

He prayed and believed Steve meant it that he would somehow get Karina out of this hellhole.

He was listening to the man ramble about how he dealt with his horrors when Bucky wasn't interested in talking about his past to him of all people. Bucky watched as the man seemed distracted by some tablet next to him before they both were encased in darkness.

"What the hell is this?"

The psychiatrist kept talking about his home and the words barely were registering as he watched the man bring out that red notebook.

* * *

 

Since the Black Widow left her room she didn't have any more visitors and she believed they were deliberately stalling on acquiring a lawyer for her. She had long ago abandoned looking at the wall and was facing the table tapping her fingers along the metal table when she was surprised when all the lights in the place went out and a red emergency light began flashing providing barely any light.

Of course, her first impulse was to immediately leave the room and possibly get in trouble if she found James and got the hell out of dodge. But one she had no idea of the layout of the place or if there were other criminals residing here.

Yet, Karina was never known for taking the safe option as she opened her door that was unlocked due the power failure. Shockingly no one was posted outside her door and the dark hallway was deserted.

Karina looked both ways as if she was crossing a street before she left the relative safety of her room and made her way to stairwell that had an inoperative exit sign. She was walking down the long hallway when she stopped in her tracks when she saw someone emerge from the corner.

The person at first didn't seemed bother by her presence as he glanced at her, but her voice stopped him, "James?" She didn't even hide the happiness at seeing him as she sped up to him, but she stopped as he stood deathly still.

She stepped back at the site of his blank face and overall demeanor. "James?" She said again and this time whatever his initial destination was temporarily intercepted as he stalked towards her.

Karina couldn't understand why fear trickled her skin at the site of him, she thought it had to do with him seemingly not recognizing her and that's when it clicked something happened. She recognized this version of him, " _At ease, Soldat_."

The Russian made him pause and his brows slightly wrinkled at her and Karina tried to keep a calm composure as they were at a standstill.

" _You need to stand down. Those are orders."_ Karina swallowed the lump in her throat as he just stared at her with his icy eyes. "Jam-"

She didn't get to finish as his metal hand wrapped around her throat and any self-defense he taught her was of no use as she clawed at his wrists as he was seconds away from crushing her windpipe. Luckily in her panicking she managed to kick her legs out hitting him in his family jewels causing him to loosen his grips and in a moment of panic she started uttering the words that were used to make him a compliant killing machine. " _Longing_ , _Rusted_ , _Seven-"_

Her throat was grabbed again and she found herself being thrown hard against the wall her head bouncing off the concrete and white spots clouding her vision.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you guys for reading and taking the time to review. I'm not as interactive on here, but I do read every comment and I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story!


	11. Fast Food Coma

When Karina opened her green eyes, the building was still blinking red and black albeit her vision was blurry and white spots were making their presence known. She felt a knot swelling in the back of her head as pounding formed behind her eyes. Her mouth felt as if it was filled with cotton balls and as she swallowed sand, hot white pain flared from her throat. Her body felt as if she got ran over by a car – a very big car. She released out a loud pained groan which she regretted as her throat burned from the action. She knew it wasn't a bus that had her right shoulder which was probably black at this point like her throat. It was James. Somehow he had reverted back to his Winter Soldier personality.

She stood on her shaky legs and decided it was best to just find an exit or better yet a doctor as she thought her shoulder was dislocated from the pain that was assaulting her body. Using the wall as a clutch, she slowly began making her trek towards the exit as she initially planned.

Karina was slightly concerned as to what happened to James. The building was deathly quiet and she prayed he didn't cause too much damage to pile on the shit storm they both got sucked into. Plus, knowing that he had to be activated by trigger words someone who was connected to Hydra had to have been the one to set all this up but for what?

Reaching the stairs, excruciatingly, she had to limp down the steps one stair at a time. Her body had officially depleted any adrenaline it had stored because she was feeling everything. Even the air just touching her was painful.

As she traveled further down, she realized that the place had terrible security if she was able to roam around freely. Getting deeper in the building, she thought she might have made a mistake in trying to escape through a basement as she was out of breath and she didn't see an end in sight. Taking a deep breathe, she opened the door to the level she was on.

No workers were on the floor and the floor itself didn't look like much. She was going to just continue her tiresome journey down the stairs when above her, she heard heels slapping against the stairs. Karina quietly closed the door and did a pathetic run down the hallway trying not to trip over her feet from the headache that was blinding her when in the sparse hallway there was a door in the middle. Quickly opening it not caring what was on the other side, she went to lock the door, but cursed the building for relying on electricity which was completely idiotic of the place. Turning around, she was really questioning the blueprint of the place as she realized she had found the weapons locker.

Karina heard the door leading onto the floor close. She hoped the person would completely bypass the door as Karina was sure she couldn't make a good cover with racks of assault rifles. But her eyes widened as she got the glint of a round shield. Karina made her way over to Captain America's shield and noticed that Sam's wings and James' backpack were opportunely placed next to it.

Yet as if Loki himself was amused by her bad luck and nothing seemed to be going in her favor, she heard the handle to the door jiggle and seeing as she had nowhere to hide she dropped down to the floor placing the lite, but large shield in front of her. If Steve could curl his large muscular frame behind the Vibranium safeguard, this was partially a bed for her to sleep on or even a fancy sled to go down a hill.

The door opened and she heard the clicking of heels come near her. She held her breath and hoped maybe the person would see nothing was amiss and be on their merry way. The footsteps stopped in front of her and stood there.

Karina wondered if it was the Black Widow that had found her. A part of her hoped maybe it was her and not one of the assholes working with the CIA. Karina, in the 30 seconds she had as the person stood before her, covered by Captain America's shield had written her apology to the master spy for her behavior in the interrogation home. She wasn't going to take her belongings along with Steve's and Sam's. She was just looking for cover – a place to hide. Karina ignored that the Black Widow could possibly tell she was lying, but if Karina made herself believe it – it wasn't as if she was outright lying – there were truths mixed in with her fabrication.

She had already anticipated the person – woman – grabbing the shield from her weak grip. Karina looked up at her _visitor_. She didn't know if she was _relieved_ that it wasn't the Black Widow, but it was the blonde chick that was standing next to Ross earlier looking down at her in unconcealed confusion.

Karina gave a wide smile, "Well, this is awkward."

* * *

 

Blinking his eyes open, his mind felt heavy – disorientated, but that didn't stop him from analyzing his surroundings that looked to be some type of abandoned factory. Yet, he didn't even disguise his panic – fear – when he realized his left arm was trapped in some type of vice. His mind searched for images of what lead to this event and who exactly got him in this position. He remembered the psychiatrist, the book, Steve's friend, Steve, Karina –

He remembered first ignoring her as his mind didn't register her as a threat. Then she began talking and trying to approach him. He knew as the Soldier he acted erratic when he felt something trying to compromise his mission – him. That's what happened with Steve on the Helicarrier. He knew his mind was trying to place why she was calling him James and why he knew those green eyes. He knew he paused because of the Russian. He was familiar more with Russian orders than those spoken in English. But that man ordered him to eliminate any potential threat to his escape.

He could still feel her panicking beneath his palm and her getting a cheap shot at him causing him to pause momentarily, but he knew the fatal flaw she made was trying to override him by using his trigger words causing him to throw her back against the wall. He could hear the smack of her head bouncing off the wall.

His body tensed as he knew Karina was not here. She was probably still back at the Joint Counter Terrorism Centre Building. His eyes flickered up and his body slightly relaxed as he heard Steve's friend – Sam – and Steve's voice. At least he wasn't with the enemy.

"Steve –" Before he could finish his initial sentence he was cut off by Steve.

"Which Bucky am I talking too?"

He flexed his left hand as he looked up at his _friend;_ a wistful smile teased his lips. "Your mom's name is Sarah." A laugh passed his lips as his mind swan with memories he cherished and feared would be lost one day by man-made machines, "You used to wear newspaper in your shoes."

"You can't read that in a museum."

"Just like that we're supposed to be cool?" Sam added in disbelief and Bucky didn't blame him.

Bucky looked back between the two men both still uncertain about his presence, but his eyes connected with Steve's, "Where is she?"

Steve's lips tightened.

"Steve."

"Last we knew, she was still locked in the interrogation room at the Center," Sam answered for him.

"Buck, we need to know why that doctor did all this for ten minutes with you."

Bucky looked up at his friend and sighed, anger subtly laced with his exasperation, as all the shit Hydra did to him was still buried in his mind. He sat up the best he could with the vice trapping him and told Steve and Sam about Siberia and the other Soldiers.

* * *

 

Karina learned the blonde's name was Sharon, Sharon Carter. She previously worked for SHIELD assigned to monitor Captain America before it fell. Karina ignored the bitter taste the filled her mouth at the word monitor, but Sharon seemed like a nice person and she was genuinely just doing her job. Plus, the woman was earning brownie points as she was letting her lounge in her car until the woman was either dismissed or assigned to most likely look for three out of the four fugitives on the run.

As she waited for Sharon to finish her job, Karina went through Bucky's backpack that also had some essentials like money, first aid kit which she was thankful for stocking a butt load of pain pills, feminine products, James' Winter Solider tactical gear, an outfit for her, her K pendant, and her dingy red wig. She placed the choppy wig onto of her head along with a pair of sunglasses and placed her hoodie back on. She thought next time she should have packed some makeup as her newly acquired injuries on her face were quite noticeable.

She idly waited and enjoyed the reprieve from any physical labor. Her mind though was going over what Sharon told her that during James' psych evaluation the power went out and he became The Winter Soldier. During her thoughts Sharon popped into the driver's seat causing her to slightly jump.

"You been busy," Sharon said eyeing her new appearance.

"Yeah, but can't do anything about the scratches on my face." Karina replied gesturing to her face.

Sharon shook her head and gave her a smile. "Just tell people you're clumsy."

"So where are we going?" Karina asked as Sharon started the car.

"Steve contacted me," Sharon informed her.

That perked Karina up, "Is everyone okay?"

"From what I know, they seem to be okay."

"Thank goodness." Her stress level had gone down 10 points.

Sharon quickly pulled out of the CIA's parking lot and they were quickly moving through the streets despite some of the power still being out in certain parts of the city, "So can I ask how a girl like you got involved with someone like The Winter Soldier?"

"Well first his name is James or Bucky, but I'm pretty sure you were watching the interrogation video feed."

Sharon looked at her amused, "I was, but I want to hear it from you considering they are making you an accomplice and are trying to pin it that you made the bomb that blew up the building in Vienna."

Karina spluttered and almost choked on air, "What! That is total bullshit."

"Well you voluntarily have stayed with the men for two years and have a background in engineering."

"Are you playing devil's advocate right now?"

"I'm just giving you the narrative my job is creating," Sharon said slyly.

"Ugh, well first of all, I've only been living with James for three months since some idiots tried to rob my place. And everything I said in the room is true. James is my friend and you can't blame him for his actions as The Winter Soldier. He was brainwashed for heaven's sake. Are you guys looking for that doctor?"

"Well the main objective is to find Barnes, Rogers, Wilson, and you."

"No offense, but you guys suck at your job and your job is going to get a hefty lawsuit from me."

Sharon laughed lightly at her comment, "I think its fear and wanting to control that fear. The public fallout from the past actions of enhanced individuals has change."

Karina snorted, "Is that why instead of knocking on the apartment door they just decided to kill us on site or I should say James."

"The kill order may have been _excessive_ and it was a major error on our part for you to be in the crossfire, but the task force labeled you as hostile like him _,_ but we can't ignore the fact he _is_ The Winter Soldier."

Karina huffed irritably because she couldn't deny that fact considering now she really saw firsthand how chilling James was when he was The Winter Soldier.

Sharon continued, "I personally think it's not clear black and white, and I trust the safety of our country – world – in the hands of someone like Captain Rogers. I know in certain events if it wasn't for his participation a lot of people would have been killed by organizations using government councils or SHIELD as a front. It would be different if enhanced individuals were attacking civilians like if there were more Loki's just wanting chaos, yes there should be some type of regime, but you can't possibly fault people for wanting to help as these Accords not only look to govern the Avengers, but all enhanced persons. And for what they are holding The Avengers accountable for, the damage would have been a lot worse without them inferring and winning."

Karina was beginning to like this girl.

* * *

 

"What the hell is that?"

After travelling for almost 30 minutes after another brief call with Steve, Sharon had drove under a bridge near a body of water and they waited. Karina did end up giving more details concerning the circumstances with James that lead to now. She expected judgment from the CIA agent, but Sharon didn't judge. She credited her that her help – her friendship – she offered to James played a huge factor in his recovery. Then to take a break from all the heavy talk and considering Sharon was helping fugitives, they played a game of I-Spy until their attention was diverted to the blue Volkswagen Beetle containing Steve, Sam, and James.

If her body wasn't so sore, she would have laughed at the visual. She slid off the trunk of Sharon's car as Steve pulled to a stop, parked and got out of the vehicle.

She gave Sharon a grateful salute as she walked over to the car where James was hastily getting out of the vehicle from Steve's driver side.

Before she could even give a greeting to James, his hands were already removing the backpack while simultaneously checking her neck and then unto the right side of her body. She interceded though before he could lift up her shirt to see the damage.

Her hands softly cradled his hands, "Hey, don't go feeling guilty about this."

"Karina," he said sternly.

"James, right now, I don't want to think about how I look like Naʼvi," James looked at her bewildered while she heard Sam laugh from his seat in the car causing James to throw a glare at him. "Look right now all I want is a big fat juicy triple burger with bacon and large fries and coke. And a chocolate milkshake while I'm at it, after that I can literally sleep for a week."

Karina didn't even wait for a response as she walked to the driver's side of the car and squeezed her way in. normally, for someone of her frame could easily slid in but considering her bruised and battered body she couldn't even filter the pain groans.

"Well Sam, I'm glad to see you are in one piece." She managed between her groans as she slid into the small backseat.

"Me too considering your buddy over there threw me by my jaw into a wall," Sam responded dryly while James scowled.

"I take it you will want a milkshake too." As James slid in next to her and she looked around the small cramped space, "How in the hell do you fit in here?" She directed towards James.

"Well I would've had more space if someone would have moved up their seat." James said sending a hard glare to the passenger up front who was watching Steve and Sharon depart with a friendly hug as she handed him his and Sam's gear.

Sam seemingly ignored James' comment as he tilted his head back to her after he nodded to Steve who was putting their things in the trunk, "Do you even have money?"

"Of course, I do." Karina replied incredulous as she opened the backpack and took a wad of saved money out. She nudged James in the side, "See your survivalist paranoid ways worked in the end."

Sam whistled as he looked at her cash, "You two made bank in Romania."

Karina didn't get to respond as Steve slid in giving her a friendly smile, "I'm glad you're okay, Karina."

"Thanks…ugh…" Karina paused as she was unsure as what to address him by.

He laughed lightly as he settled in his seat, "Just call me, Steve."

"Wow, I'm on first name basis with Captain America, The Falcon, and The Winter Soldier," she said cheekily as James looked at her as if she grown two heads.

Sam snorted and Steve looked at him, "You sound be happy, you have a fan."

James snickered at Steve's comment and Sam threw a glare from the rearview mirror.

Steve pulled out back onto the road when Karina spoke up, "Hey, I was serious about wanting to clog my arteries."

* * *

 

Karina knew she should have been more concerned about where the gang was going to go next especially as she was the weakest link considering they were facing those other Soldiers that James trained. She had nothing to offer the team and she was a major liability especially to James. But her stomach was full to the point she thought her jeans were going to burst, she threw her wig off her head and unleashed her wild mane, and plopped face first down on the queen sized bed that was closest to the bathroom. She didn't even censor the loud moan that escaped her lips as she relished in the softness as she kicked her shoes off her feet and curled in the bed.

"I like her style," she heard Sam say and the bed next to her squeaked from added weight. "You two should take watch, get some fresh air, and check the perimeter."

There were no words said and Karina heard the door open and close and she popped her eyes open. She found Sam getting comfortable in his bed, "You are as subtle as an elephant."

"So are you."

"Hey, I'm actually going into my self-induced food coma."

Sam chuckled before his voice became low and serious. "They need it."

"Even though, he wouldn't admit it, I know he missed Steve especially as his memories came back."

"Well he hid pretty damn well." Sam said with an edge in his voice that wasn't from ire but the lack of results the search took. "We looked for him for two years including you."

"Me?" Karina questioned.

"Yeah, Steve found an article about your missing appearance and we visited Anya."

Karina's heart drop at the mention of Anya, she never forgot about Anya, but she did her best to subdue thoughts about her family that probably thought she was dead. It hurt too much to think about her family back at home. "Are they okay?"

"Anya is worried, but knows your alive especially now with your face probably plastered everywhere with ours."

"Well thank you for looking."

"No problem, for compensation I think would like some of that Blini?"

Karina laughed at Sam's botched pronunciation. "I could also make you some Knish, Khinkali, Pelmeni, Shashlik, and Pirozhki."

"All sounds good."

Karina released a loud yawn as she spoke, "Well if we make it out of here, I'll make you anything you want."

* * *

 

"Did you think I did it?" Bucky asked Steve as they walked around the seedy motel. They both knew they didn't need to check the perimeter or more importantly for them both to be outside of the motel room. But a part of him wanted to relish in the company of his friend and he knew he needed the one thing – person –who knew him before he became a puppet for Hydra. Even though he had Karina in a sense, it wasn't the same as having Steve. And, even if their _preservation_ was vastly different, they were both in the same boat. They both were living past their prime, Super Soldiers, trying to fit in the world. They were both an anchor to a past they both longed in a sense.

But things were drastically different now.

The feeling that had cloaked him reminded him of when he was taken by Hydra the first time. His mind disorientated and seeing Steve's face as he was flirting with death. It seemed nothing changed as Steve was somehow trying to save him again. This time from being wrongfully accused of deaths that he wasn't responsible for. And he needed to get used to Steve protecting _him_.

Even though he was familiar with this Steve, the enhanced soldier, sometimes he wished for the smaller skinnier Steve. That Steve didn't have the baggage of carrying the identity of Captain America and the weight of the nation's expectations of him.

And a skinnier Steve would have never known what it felt like to be a victim to his metal fist. He was still haunted by what he did to Steve on that Helicarrier as he kept hitting and hitting him and watching as Steve laid there compliant taking the beating, probably the only time he backed away from a fight.

"I didn't think _you_ did it, but either way if you were that far gone it seemed logical that I would be the one to apprehend you since I was the one who would be the least likely to die." Steve stated to him truthfully.

Bucky pursed his lips as his eyes scanned the night. "You shouldn't have gotten involved Steve."

"Buck, they had a kill order issued on you."

Bucky knew he could have gotten out of it. Although that cat or who he learned was Prince T'Challa or now King as his father was killed in the bombing of the Vienna conference he was accused of doing, was a factor that would be a challenge. In the few moments they sparred, until Karina stupidly hit the man with the metal beam, the man was a well skilled opponent. He knew if he had to _confront_ him again he would really have to tap into the parts of him he didn't want to use considering the man was actively trying to kill him.

"Would you do the same for me?"

Bucky looked at Steve pointedly, "Of course I would that's not the point."

He watched Steve smile slightly but quickly concealed it, "Then what's the point?"

Bucky opened his mouth as his initial answer was he wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth any of the trouble him, Sam, and even Karina were going through because of him. Instead, he clamped his mouth shut. But he knew it would be a moot point as when he got like this with Karina all his musings fell on deaf ears. And he knew it would be the same with Steve. He would listen and tell him something that would be skewed because of their association, but then profoundly right, as his feelings were muddled with guilt.

Bucky looked back at his friend who was actively checking their surroundings seemingly not bothered by the silence that had taken over.

"I'm sorry, Steve."

He was sorry for everything. For the fight on the Helicarrier, him possibly creating a wedge in the friendships he formed since he was found, and just everything and for the things he didn't even have control over.

Steve stopped abruptly and looked at him almost as if he was going to refuse the apology as if it wasn't needed.

Steve looked at him somberly. He could tell Steve wanted to say something, but decided against it. Instead, Steve gave him a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder as knowing words would make the conversation heavier than it was now. He was thankful for Steve's perception as he knew he wasn't exactly ready for _that_ talk they had coming if they made it out of this. "You should get some sleep. I'll take watch for a bit and we can switch, Sam and Karina need it more than us."

Bucky nodded his head as he and Steve walked back into their motel room. Steve took a seat at the table by the window and he went to get comfortable on the couch when he stopped at the sound of Karina's sleep laced voice, "James?"

Bucky walked over to the bed and in the darkness he saw Karina sit up slightly. He was concerned because usually she was a heavy sleeper, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…"

She trailed off leaving him confused, "Just what?"

"I'm just used to sleeping next to you," she revealed and he was sure there was a deep red blush on her cheeks.

"Oh, okay. Scoot over."

He heard the ruffling of the sheets before he kicked off his shoes and slid in next to her. He was pointedly ignoring the sensation he felt from Steve no doubt watching or more so listening in the dark with an amused grin. He settled in next to Karina laying on his back while she was laying on her left side facing the bathroom door. And it was awkward.

Bucky maneuvered himself so he was on his side and went to drape his arm across her waist, but she hissed and he stilled.

"Karina."

"It's fine, it's from being tossed on the roof." She informed over while she rolled over to face him on her bruised side.

"Don't lay like that."

"I'm fine, yes it hurts like a bitch, but I'll live and we both knew I was going to get a few bumps and bruises from being tossed when we did it on the lower levels."

Bucky huffed in response when his left hand gently traced over the scrapes on her nose and chin, "But these I didn't anticipate or your shoulder."

" _Can we not_?" She replied in sharp Russian.

He didn't get to reply as she quickly turned back around and left no space between her back and his chest as she grabbed his metal limb and draped it over her except it was placed across her front as she clutched it.

* * *

 

"Stop staring," Sam turned his attention to Steve who was waking up from a quick powernap unlike the two other occupants in the room.

"I'm just admiring your friend's game, man." Sam admitted as he looked at Bucky and Karina sleep. Karina was wrapped around the Sergeant like a vine as her head rested on his flesh shoulder. Bucky was laying on his back with his flesh hand resting _scandalously_ on her hip where her shirt had ridden up and shockingly near her black boy shorts, as somehow in the middle of the night, she abandoned her jeans.

"The defrosting thing seems to be a hit with the ladies – it's an exclusive club."

"I'm pretty sure it's a club not worth wanting to be in to," Steve replied with a frown as his eyes were focused anywhere else but his friend and his girl sleeping considering her attire.

Sam chuckled and looked at Steve as he handed him a cup of coffee. "I'm just saying man, we were looking for him for two years and he was shacking with a woman."

"Well…its Bucky," Steve shrugged as he took a sip of his coffee.


	12. Roleplaying

Bucky was officially the sane one out of the whole group, which was shocking and infuriating. He was the one with memory issues, the questionable mood swings, and the one whose judgement should be questioned. He didn't know what could have possibly happened in the 6 hours he had been sleeping, but clearly everyone had lost their damn minds. What just came out Karina's and Steve's mouth supported his theory and they were looking at him like he was the crazy one.

At this point, he was deliberately ignoring Karina as she stood next to his best friend, as his steel blue eyes were sending daggers at Steve for going along with something so idiotic. Sam was sitting quietly on the couch, watching the scene, opting out on voicing what to Bucky would be his unwanted opinions.

"No, she isn't going."

He couldn't even comprehend how any of them would even think it was an acceptable idea for Karina to tag along. He would think with the bruises on her body that were a nasty shade of blue and purple or the scrapes on her face would reinforce that she was not equipped to handle this type of battle.

The self-defense he taught her were for men that didn't possess a variation of the serum that ran through his veins. She wasn't trained to be in the field.

He didn't care they promised that she would remain in the Quinjet that would be their HQ far away from the battle, giving the best assistance as she could. He didn't care because those soldiers were already lethal before he trained them and a part of him knew no matter how much backup Steve was bringing, they could fail this mission and Karina would be caught in the crossfire.

Plain and simple, she was a liability.

And he knew his mind would be distracted, worried, about her being so close to the battlefield. It would risk the whole team.

"James," his nostrils flared as Karina began to speak as he side eyed her. "I know you don't _approve_."

He scoffed. "Really?" He tried to ignore the sting of her flinching at his cold tone. "You have no background in this. Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Buck –"

"No Steve," Bucky said shaking his head and he could hear his plates involuntary shifting of the plates in his arm from the anger that was swirling through him.

"James, I would prefer to be there on the sidelines like a sitting duck, but I can't. Besides worrying about that all of you guys are going to be alright, I would prefer to not be arrested here and I refuse for you to get in even more trouble for trying to figure out would could happen to me if I'm not where you try to stash me."

Bucky pointed his right pointer finger in her direction, "You're not helping your case."

Karina scowled at him and the action slightly took him back and he went to open his mouth, but Steve stepped in between them sensing the discussion was going to escalate.

"Bucky, let's talk about this in private."

Bucky clenched his jaw as he felt there wasn't anything to even talk about, but he stalked out the room anyways with Steve hot on his tail.

"You don't get it." Bucky said as soon as the door to the motel closed and before Steve could get a word in. "I've lost everything, Steve. I have nothing except you and her." Bucky hated how his voice cracked slightly before he swallowed the fear that was bubbling in him. "You are already risking everything for this – me. I know you're more than capable in handling this." And Bucky won't outright admit it, but he hated it. He hated that he was putting Steve in danger. He was the one that was supposed to protect Steve. He technically died doing that exact deed. He thought about how almost 20 years of protecting his virtuous stubborn friend was hard to erase despite Steve's enhanced physiology. Bucky lets his wall drop as he looked at his friend, "But she's…it's bad enough I'm already worrying about you, I don't need her in the mix as well."

Steve's whole body deflated and a pained smile etched his face, "Look, I know this isn't an ideal situation, but with every government that supports these Accords wherever we leave her, it would leave her unprotected."

Bucky groaned. He had been following the whole Accords situation loosely, but he knew the main thing was it applied to enhanced individuals. "Last time, I checked she wasn't an enhanced. They shouldn't apply to her."

"Yeah, but some of them can't see pass that she has been with you this whole time."

"I don't like this, Steve."

"I know, but we have a good team. They'll watch out for her."

Bucky nodded his head reluctantly as it seemed pointless to argue his opinion. He wanted to question him what happened afterwards. When hopefully they were able to liberate the threat the failed Winter Soldiers proposed and this doctor, what happened when the government would focus back on him for the crimes he did commit. What happened then? He could handle whatever they threw at him and considering what he did it was the least he could do to make atonements, but Karina, the last thing he wanted was for her to get dragged down with him.

* * *

 

"Do you think I should stay back?" Karina asked Sam as soon as the door to the motel room closed.

Sam looked at her thoughtfully before he responded, "There are Pros and Cons to both arguments. Yes, it would be easier to have visual of you and that we are all together and not separated, and with the Accords I'm sure Tony is running all our faces and behavior patterns to find us. Considering how they treated you its better you aren't a sitting duck for them, but you are in no way prepared to handle this from a fighting standpoint although you won't be fighting. But you are foremost a liability when it comes to Barnes and we need him focused considering he trained this other Soldiers, he's familiar with them, and his metal arm gives him an advantage between all of us."

Karina pursed her lips as Sam pointed out good points. Points she considered except the liability part. "Either way, I'm a screwed pooch."

Sam chuckled, "Literally or figuratively." Karina's jaw dropped as she pushed Sam on his shoulders. "Hey, all I'm saying is ya'll were looking extra cozy sleeping together."

Karina rolled her eyes and ignored his banter, "Anyways, what's up with the antagonism towards him?"

"Well I wouldn't label it as _that_ , I'm just cautious. Mind you, most of my encounters with Bucky have been when he was The Winter Soldier and I'm sure you can imagine how _fun_ those were. But it's not that I _don't_ like him, it's just I don't know him except from what Steve as told me about him form the 30s and 40s and obviously he isn't that guy anymore. He's been through stuff, he was a Soldier during one of the great wars and then not only was he captured once, but twice, so as a counselor the trauma he has, I can't even imagine considering what he has been through for those 70 years in captivity, and until this is over and I can get a feel for him my defenses will slightly come down. But he even said all the stuff Hydra put in him was still there and it would be careless of us to not be aware and wary to that until he finds the professional and proper help he needs."

* * *

 

" _Are you mad at me?"_ Karina asked James. Whatever had been said between him and his best friend didn't exactly lighten his mood especially as he seemed to reluctantly accept her coming along to deal with this Winter Soldier problem. He had lapsed in a contemplative silence something that reminded her of their earliest days. She could admit she didn't particularly like it.

His blue eyes glossed over to her taking his attention away from the passing scenery of Germany, " _I'm not mad just worried_."

Karina knew nothing she could say would ease his worries. Instead she wrapped her arm around his flesh arm and balanced her chin on his shoulder as he looked at her, " _Anyone tell you that you worry too much_."

James gave her a sour look and Sam interrupted his response, "You know not everybody in this car can speak Russian."

James rolled his eyes and Karina gave a shallow apology, but she didn't miss the troubled look in Steve's eyes from the rearview mirror.

* * *

 

They had arrived at a deserted parking garage as Steve had met up with the new additions of their team which included Wanda, who Karina knew they addressed as Scarlet Witch, Clint, and a man named Scott, who Sam referred to as Tic Tac and said he could make himself as small as an ant. Karina thought it was a strange ability, but she wasn't going to question the help.

She and James were left by the car while everyone got acquainted with one another before the other female in the group came over.

"Hi, I'm Wanda."

Karina smiled and extended her hand. From what she saw and read about Wanda this girl was capable of doing pretty amazing things, "Hi, I'm Karina, pleasure to meet you."

Wanda looked at her quizzically before her smile came back, "I'm sorry, your mind had a loud thought and I'm flattered before it shut it off completely. It was strange."

"Oh," Karina said taken back, "is that normal?"

She heard James snort and she side eyed him and he shrug unapologetically, "She can read minds and you're asking if she can't read yours is weird?"

"It's different. I don't read minds unless necessary or I have permission. I do get the occasional thought like now if it is a loud thought, but your mind seems like it is trying to resist." Wanda explained.

Karina's eyes widened as her mouth dropped open, "Oh, cool."

Wanda smiled before introduced herself to James, "It's an honor to finally meet you –" She paused unsure of what he would like to be addressed by.

"Just call me Bucky."

"Bucky, I've heard so much about you from Steve. I'm glad you guys are together again even if it isn't under the best circumstance."

"Thanks for coming; we need all the help we can get."

"Well, I had encouragement and Steve has done so much for me and it's what I do."

James gave her an appreciative smile before she became distracted by Clint's voice.

"So this is your friend that shot Nat twice."

Karina watched James tense slightly, his face a blank mask, but his eyes were apologetic. Steve looked taken back from the terse words and everyone else looked unsure of where this was heading.

Karina was the one who broke the silence, "So you and Natasha are really the true Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I think dinner is about to get more awkward when she realizes you're not home."

Sam and Scott both snorted while Steve, Bucky, and Wanda looked confused by the reference. Clint looked her up and down. Eventually he smiled, "I like you." He turned back to James and shrugged his shoulders, "I will admit I'm slightly pissed because those are the only two times that I've known that someone got the upper hand on her, but I know how brainwashing – mind control – is. I'm glad you were able to break free."

But the mood turned sour when James translating the German announced that they were evacuating the airport courtesy of Tony Stark and company.

* * *

 

Since they knew Tony and his team was going to intercept them in handling the mission to stop the real threat, she knew James was even more worried for her as she had no skill that would be beneficial to helping the team in anyway what so ever.

So after much debate, James handed over his tactical vest to her despite her protests that he was the one who needed it more than her, but after the sharp glare she received she kept her mouth shut. Besides the tactical vest, James had given her a knife and Clint was letting her borrow one of Natasha's taser bracelets. It was also decided that she would somewhat be stealth for them. They were being optimistic that everyone would forget she was somehow in the group as if they really had to fight she would make it safely to the Quinjet while everyone else was distracted.

So now she was sitting in front of a heater to hide her heat signature while Sam and James were out in the open sitting on a bench about 20 feet in front in the airport terminal where she was partially hidden by a one of the multiple glass encased bulletin boards. She wasn't supposed to move until Sam and James had caught the attention of Tony's team.

She knew it would be a bad time to announce she had to use the bathroom.

She waited _patiently_ as Steve tried to explain to Tony through her ear piece what was really going on before he was seemingly cut off and her stomach coiled uncomfortably as Steve greeted T'Challa. Her eyes found the back of James and she was slightly worried with this man on the opposing team considering his sole mission seemed to be killing James, reason and the justice system be damned. Yet, she quickly brought her attention back to the present as Sam announced he found the Quinjet in Hangar Five in the North runway and she knew the clash of the Avengers had begun.

Sam and James hadn't been gone for even a minute before the glass was broken in by someone on Tony's side. She took that as her cue to begin running. The only good thing Karina had on her side was she at least was a decent runner giving her history of running track and field throughout her education career. She made it a point to ignore the battle that was going on a few feet from her between Sam, James, and some dude that sounded too young to be fighting amongst adult. As she was running hidden by various bulletin boards, she came to an abrupt halt and almost screamed when Bucky almost collided into her.

"You okay," he whispered as he turned his eyes back to the skirmish between Sam and the kid who seemed to have cornered Sam.

"Who the hell is that?"

"I don't know some red spider boy. He's shooting web. Shit, don't move yet."

Before Karina could get in another word she watched as James ran towards Sam breaking the glass gate dropping them a floor below. She watched from the sidelines as Sam used Redwing and threw the kid out the window.

Coming out of her hiding spot, she ran down the steps to the men trapped by some type of adhesive and one of James' combat knives he loaned her.

She tried not to laugh at the defeated and annoyed looks at their faces, "You _boys_ okay?"

Sam's face set in a scowl and James merely grunted as she quickly sliced the offending material away from his metal hand. As she looked at the white substance when she went to cut Sam out from his cocoon, she scrunched her nose, "Is this jizz!"

She heard James choke or cough in the background while Sam whined, "Oh god, I hope not, this stuff _was_ coming _out_ of him."

"It was _coming_ out of him alright."

Sam gagged while he quickly shed the string off him and she saw the men were quickly back to focusing on their mission.

"Hey," Karina looked up to find James staring down at her his eyes a deep ocean blue. Before she even had a chance to respond or for her mind to catch up to what was happening a deep burning kiss was placed on her lips. Just as quickly as it happened it ended and their lips separated with a loud smack as he looked down at her intensely, "Do not play a hero. You get to that Hangar and wait for one of us."

"Trust me, I'm not into roleplaying."


	13. Locked Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for my indifferent feelings about "Civil War" leaking onto Clint.

He wasn't feeling annoyance. Or anger.

Actually the annoyance and anger were morphing into another emotion that was causing the tightening in his gut, it was frustration. The same type of frustration he felt when he knew when he was predominately in his Soldier mindset of when a mission didn't go the way he anticipated. He remembered this exact feeling when Nick Fury evaded him momentarily by burning a hole in the asphalt escaping to the sewers.

As his jaw was clenched in irritation, his mind was analyzing every move he made up until the present moment. He retraced every action – every thought - he made contemplating what he could have done differently _like_ did he underestimate his opponent – his target.

He could recall the same potent vexation the Black Widow brought when she managed to shoot him in the eye protected by his goggles, get away, get the drop on him, and then sting him with one of her tasers.

But nothing compared to the utter anger that was swirling in his veins as he sat behind Steve in the Quinjet on their way to Siberia.

Despite all the thinking that was causing a vein in his forehead to pulse violently he still didn't what the hell had happened on the ground. He knew what was happening all around him regarding fighting with Steve unfortunately against Steve's friends, but even with all the action around him he knew Karina was away from the fighting. Her presence wasn't on anyone's radar except his.

He was very close to having his throat clawed out which was almost fitting considering how much his metal limb crushed throats when T'Challa's attempt to kill him was hindered. The King of Wakanda's black suit was saddled in blue electricity temporarily disabling him enough for Bucky to move away before blue was replaced with a fiery red and the King was thrown away from him. Bucky found Wanda _and_ Karina as the source of him not becoming a scratching post. Even though he was grateful that someone had his back, he was very pissed that Karina was not doing her mission of making it to the Quinjet unseen.

As they quickly ran with her being shielded by Wanda's red force field, which he knew was probably taking a lot out of the young witch, Karina explained that the purple dude – Vision – had intercepted her and luckily Wanda had managed to distract Vision enough to _save_ his ass since he was T'Challa's personal brand of catnip.

After that he wasn't sure what happened.

They were separated as Wanda covered Karina to take cover from the various vehicles and ground support equipment. He ended up next to Steve taking cover as they needed to rethink their course of action considering the psychiatrist was most likely in Siberia and their opponents were not relenting on their attack or in his opinion trying to hear the truth in this circumstance.

He still had the bitter taste of swallowing the reluctant valid fact that Sam pointed that not all of them would make it to the Quinjet and some needed to stay back and concede to losing the battle. This was what exactly happened, as they passed over the airport, he didn't even see Karina.

But the problem was that them fighting wasn't even the _main_ fight.

The fact that Steve's group of friends were fighting against each other, Bucky didn't know how he felt. It didn't bode well for him that he was disrupting Steve's life in a way like this because of his demons.

"What's gonna happen to them?" Even though Bucky was concerned about what were the ramifications it was for Steve's friends to be allies with them, his main concerned for Karina

He watched as Steve fidgeted in his sit slightly before he tightened his shoulders as he responded, "Whatever it is, I'll – we'll – deal with it."

The answer didn't bring him any alleviation from the lethal concoction of emotions inside of him, but he wasn't expecting it either. But the answer was vague even from Steve.

Yet, no one should have to deal with anything. No one should be compromising their friendships – their reputation – because of him. Because some psycho found that goddamn notebook and took advantage of what Hydra put inside him – of all the programming deep down inside Bucky knew would always be there.

"I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve."

He knew he wasn't the exact reason for the fighting and divide among Steve and his friends, but now the lines were getting blurred.

Steve shot him a look. It was the same look Karina gave him where they weren't trying to undermine his words or feelings in regards to his past. But they couldn't hide the hardening of their eyes and the conviction they spoke with in their dissent.

"What you did all those years, it wasn't you. You didn't have a choice."

"I know," Bucky replied as he looked at the darkening cloudy skies. The blood on his hands not all of it was pure. He killed his fair of scum like killers, terrorists, and of course Hydra operatives themselves on orders or on the rare chances he was breaking through his program.

But then most of them were honorable law-abiding citizens, law enforcement, and political figures that happened to unfortunately pose a big enough threat to Hydra's philosophies. Or they happened to be innocent bystanders who happened to get in the way of a target.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could hear there distant screams and he felt _nothing_.

"But I did it."

Steve didn't response, but Bucky saw the subtle locking of his jaw.

Bucky exhaled a deep breath wanting to purge the plane of the deep thoughts he knew they both were chasing, "Are they going to take them back to Berlin?"

Steve shook his head and Bucky immediately knew he wasn't going to like what came out of his friend's mouth next, "No, they are going to be sent to a prison designed specifically to hold them."

Bucky's jaw clenched as he exhaled a harsh breath through his nose. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he could only imagine the treatment Karina was receiving in a prison over him.

Steve sensing his distress tried to mitigate the rampant thoughts, "When this is over, we'll find them and break 'em out."

Bucky could only manage a small nod of his head.

* * *

 

"So how long have you and Tin Man been together?"

Karina looked up and met Clint's curious, but friendly gaze. "Been together?"

He looked at her unimpressed, "Been bumping uglies." He deadpanned.

Karina's eyes widen in obvious scandal at the suggestion while she heard Sam laugh and Scott choke on nothing. The archer put his hands up the best he could with the handcuffs around his wrists in a placating nature as he responded cheekily, "Hey, I just have a slight curiosity how all that would work with the arm."

Karina arched an eyebrow impartial to his juvenile _curiosity_ , "We're just friends."

Sam snickered at her response which caused her to send him a very hard glare his way and he only smiled wider. She knew he was thinking about what happened in the airport terminal. Karina looked back at Clint, "Tell me, do you like electrostimulation when it comes to you and Natasha?"

Scott coughed awkwardly while Sam looked eager for a legitimate answer. The archer only leaned back against the wall of their transport vehicle smirking and responded with one word, "Budapest."

Karina shook her head but a small smile teased her lips as she leaned her head back against the steel enforced cage.

After Steve and James managed to escape the battle on the ground it seemed not even a minute later the place was swarmed with the Task Force. But sadly, even though there were no life threatening injuries on her side besides a few scrapes and bruises, Colonel Rhodes was injured and immediately jetted off along with his best friend. Sam informed them Vision was aiming to take him out and he managed to evade and Rhodes was hit instead. He was still alive, but taking a fall from that high in the sky, there was bound to be some sort of injury.

But now her, Sam, Clint, Scott, and Wanda were arrested on site and being transported _somewhere_.

"Do you guys have idea where they are taking us?" Karina asked.

"Probably somewhere that was built to hold people like us," Sam informed them. Karina overlooked that she was included in the _us_ considering the three people in the van with her they were really just like her. They only had the training and experience and some high tech suits aided their natural skills. So even though she was human like her three companions, if this place they were possibly going to was built for people like _them_ it really meant that this place was built for the detainment for enhanced individuals for the fourth member of their group who wasn't placed in a simple non descript police transport vehicle.

Wanda was placed in a similar vehicle they had used to transport James from Romania to Germany.

Even if she had only known Wanda for a few hours, she liked the young woman. She knew Wanda was possibly exerting herself more with forming her force shield on the battle field when Wanda intercepted Vision from doing whatever he was planning on doing. She now understood exactly why James didn't want her on the field because she was a liability. It was exactly the reason why she told Wanda to forget about her during the battle much to the young witch's protest. Instead Karina found her way back to the edge of the battlefield to make it to the hangar and she knew she would have possibly distracted Wanda when she needed to stop the tower that Vision destroyed.

As she sat there and thought about how readily available the instruments were to hinder enhanced individuals it made her wonder. "It makes you think doesn't it…with the government -these Accords – enhanced individuals never had a choice in the matter. It was either you complied or you get locked up. It takes longer than a day to build the things they are using to contain us."

"Fear can sway a lot of things." Sam replied.

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't." Karina said shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah, but this is coming from a government that tried to nuke New York when Loki attacked us and the more confounding thing about this is Ross and the UNs involvement. You guys aren't familiar with him, but Ross was directly involved in Bruce -Hulk's – background. He doesn't even view _Bruce_ as a person, but as _government property_. Then of all the government committees to try and control The Avengers and enhanced individuals is the UN? Does Sri Lanka, the peacekeeping child sex abuse scandal, veto power, Srebrenica Massacre, The Cold War, Darfur, and Rwanda, ring a bell to anyone? I mean this," Clint lifted his hands up jingling his cuffs, "If another crazy ass Loki popped up I would feel comforted that if my arrow doesn't reach him first than the government had the means to detain him, but The UN and Ross _should not_ be anywhere near the Avengers or enhanced individuals."

"Where the hell were you when we all were debating on this back at the facility or better yet talking some sense into your girl," Sam replied hotly.

"I'm retired," Clint replied dryly causing Sam to grunt irritably, "beside you can't talk _Nat_ into doing anything. She has her reasons for wanting to sign that are her business. All she knows that her ass better be home at the end of the day."

"Man, would've I liked to be an ant on the wall when you said that to her."

The van was encased in a piercing silence after Scott's words before all of them erupted in laughter before they quickly sobered up as there car was pulled to a stop and they were being escorted to another Quinjet.

* * *

 

The cell – cage – was exactly how she pictured it to be. It was grey with a stark white line that ran horizontal along the wall that wrapped around that a ribbon to a Christmas. The artificial light made the room look severe. Her bed was aligned on the right wall with a thin mattress and scratchy sheet and blanket. On the opposite side was a small seat and table. One wall was reinforced glass covered by steel bars that out looked an atrium where surprisingly you could see and hear your neighbors. The only person that wasn't on the same floor as Karina, Clint, Sam, and Scott was Wanda. After they were processed and changed into their blue prison garb, Wanda was the only person unaccounted for. Karina assumed Wanda was placed on a much more guarded floor. At least, she had the boys to talk to where the guards were no doubt listening and recording everything, but Wanda was left alone and Karina suspected they found a way to contravene her from using her gifts.

It had been a few hours since they arrived at the prison and had their orientation of their meal schedule, bathroom breaks, and of course an interrogation about the whereabouts of Steve and James. She tried to explain the evidence, they had in clearing James' name from the Vienna bombing, she was looked at like a crazy groupie. Yet, through all of that she still wasn't sure of what she was being held for without due process. The men weren't impressed with her lip and she was hastily dismissed from the room. She was the first one back to their new lovely abode and even as the guys filtered in no words were said between them just general reassurances that they were okay. Or really she was okay considering she had no background in this sort of thing.

As she sat on her stiff bed, her chin resting on her knees, her thoughts were solely focused on Steve and more predominately James. Now with the reinforcement Steve had brought were locked up, him and James were severely outnumbered and outmatched. Karina didn't like to think of it as that way, but she remembered what James told her. They were far more aggressive and dangerous than him even when he was Hydra's puppet. The serum made them more powerful to the point one of them overpowered James. She was sure the doctor wasn't going to even use Hydra's protocol in dealing with the other Winter Soldiers, so Karina was highly concerned for the safety of James and Steve.

She had her head face down on her knees as she took deep calming breaths and thought of happier times like when her and James went to the amusement park last summer. However, those thoughts brought a pang to her chest, her chest felt heavy thinking about the memories. She knew her and James could never go back to that now with all of _this_.

The sound of the steel enforced door broke her out of her introspection. With the placement of her cell, she was faced directly opposite of the door. She had a clear view of who came and who left. She wasn't impressed with who came out from the other side of the door.

She eyed him momentarily with his arm brace and black eye as he stood in the middle of the room like he couldn't believe they would be placed in a prison so heavily guarded and reinforced to keep them trapped. To remind them of their place in the world. Karina didn't have nothing against Tony Stark personally. She didn't know the man. She knew the persona he projected to the public wasn't exactly her cup of tea, but she couldn't deny he was a truly brilliant man. Hell, she considered even interning for his company at one point. But she was angry because she felt he escalated all of this. If he would have just listened to Steve about James' framing all of this could have been avoided and Steve and James could have had more backup. Instead, she placed her head down with every intention to drown him out.

"Hey, you okay?"

Karina looked up to meet the wary exhausted brown eyes of Tony Stark, "I'm _peachy_."

The billionaire winced. "Sorry, stupid question."

"Well, we can blame it on your age, your brain plasticity isn't what it used to be."

Tony smirked at her, "I read about you, very smart, I would have accepted you for an internship even and founded your project through my September Foundation Grant."

Karina sent him a look of indifference. "If this is supposed to make me _help_ you or something it's not working."

She expected him to walk away, but instead she watched him swipe something on his wrist as he cut out the audio feed on video recordings and explained how he was really there to help Steve as friend.


	14. Escape

Since Tony's visit, Karina could admit she suspected something to happen. Not directly to the Raft itself, but she expected some commotion from the higher ups. More questions – taunting – something. Instead, the place had them still following the same mundane routine. She at least thought she would be able to sleep in, but nope they ran the joint like a military boot camp.

Surprisingly, they had let her and the men out of their rooms and even Wanda. For the sake of the young woman, she ignored the shock collar around her throat and that she arrived to chow hall in a straitjacket. Besides, she was genuinely happy to see the promising witch and Wanda seemed relieved to the point of tears to have human contact outside of the guards.

All of them were talking animatedly and for the sake of the reunion between them all, they didn't discuss Tony's visit and the lack of response from anyone. They joked about what they would do to the guards, how they planned on decorating their rooms, and albeit grimly if they would receive new roommates and how to break them in.

Besides the talk about the prison, they did venture onto personal territory.

Sam and Clint were more reserved, more so Clint.

Sam gave a Sparknote version of his upbringing and career in the military. He regaled on how he met and befriended Captain America which resulted in his unfavorable encounters with The Winter Soldier. He told them how for the last two years in between being a _New_ Avenger, he mostly helped Steve look for James in between volunteering as much as he could at the Veteran's center until he became too busy with _superheroes._

Clint, of course, didn't share much other than he was retired and liked to farm and he definitely wasn't budging on the nature of his and Natasha's relationship although he did admit they met on a mission and no it wasn't Budapest.

Wanda, embarrassingly, Karina knew most of her backstory considering the amount of press the young Avenger received. Wanda seemed almost shocked at the reverence Karina held her in. Karina felt bothered that people's perception of the young woman was obviously affecting the young witch. But at the same time, it showed how real and normal Wanda still was despite being polarized for her actions on a much larger scale.

She learned this wasn't Scott's first time he been behind bars. Mr. Lang's first stint behind bars was due to him by trying to expose his former employer's embezzlement by using his skills as a _cat burglar_ breaking into their headquarters, hacking into the system, and paying back the money to the customer's the company had been stealing, but he got carried away by breaking into the CEO's house stealing a few items and then driving the car into the pool.

Then after he was released from prison, Scott admitted he may have went back to old habits that resulted in trying to rob Hank Pym who was the creator of his suit which as he said the rest is history.

Besides being labeled as a criminal, Scott was a very intelligent man with a Master's degree in electrical engineering. He was a father to a little girl named Cassie. He currently had a girlfriend named Hope who happened to be Hank's daughter. Karina was sure being in prison kind of threw a wrench into the relationship, but she tried to console him by saying at least it wasn't for a repeat offense.

Then all focus turned to her. She gave them her basic normal backstory yet she felt Sam eyes on her as if he had something to tell her. And obviously they all became interested when it came to her and James' interactions as The Winter Soldier – for Sam – everyone else was more concerned about what they did for two years before James was flushed out of hiding dragging her along.

"You know most people would consider you crazy, right." Clint stated in his blunt manner.

Karina shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know why considering he was _brainwashed_. They literally scrambled his brain making him forget everything other than their programming. To me, he was the longest held prisoner of war and he is just a veteran recovering from years of trauma. I'm not stupid. There were some episodes, but…" Karina trailed off as she pursed her lips and she felt as if she was defending her decision to be his friend, for caring for him.

The men at the tabled laughed while Wanda looked at her fondly, "We get it or at least I do."

Karina cheeks flushed slightly.

"And you say you're just friends," Clint muttered under his breath.

* * *

 

"You sure you want to delay this?"

Bucky nodded his head at his friend who was leaning against the wall in his new living quarters. "I want Karina to be part of this." He informed his friend looking down where his left arm was missing. He was honestly surprised by how off balanced the missing limb made him feel. Besides the missing weight, he felt like he did when Karina cut his hair for the first time, exposed. Even if they were seeking asylum in Wakanda, he didn't like the vulnerability he was feeling even though he was prolonging the vulnerability for a good reason.

It had been at least a week and half since Siberia. Bucky honestly didn't know how he felt about the situation besides the usual guilt. He could understand Tony's anger and rage from seeing his parents' murder that he believed was an accident. Not only was he watching the video, his parents' killer was standing right next to him. Bucky knew no matter what even with the brainwashing, Tony's parents' blood were on his hands no matter if Hydra was the one calling the shots.

Besides, Bucky, at that point, was becoming numb to being on the top of the list on someone's dead pool. He could have handled anything Tony threw out him and he would have despite his arm being blown to hell.

The only part he couldn't get right with is that because of him, Steve had lost a friend who probably felt betrayed by Steve. As much as Tony could have done to him, how Tony went after _Steve_ in anger and hurt, Steve didn't deserve any of that.

The foundation to the infrastructure of the Avengers was broken because of that Zemo.

There was a guy that Bucky wouldn't mind killing. The man was smart. He played all of them. But worst of all he knew how to work the Hydra programming that was still inside him. Bucky knew as long as that man was alive, that notebook was still out there, and the programming was dormant inside him, he was a risk to everyone around him. Before he could ponder on what he had been thinking about since their arrival to Africa Steve spoke again.

"Are you sure you want to opt out completely? We could use you as air support. You know she is going to want to see you."

And he wanted to see her, as it had been too long for Karina to be in a prison, but Steve was waiting for backup considering he was voluntarily out of commission and a King couldn't exactly be an active participate in a prison break.

"I'll be here when you guys get back." Bucky replied somberly.

A knock came at the door before one of T'Challa's many workers informed them of Steve's newest guest.

Bucky and T'Challa watched as Steve and Natasha got ready to depart to breach The Raft. After Natasha arrived in Wakanda, she and Steve with the help of the resources T'Challa provided for them came up with an effective break in under 3 hours.

Bucky could tell Natasha was extremely cautious and he knew it had to do with the symmetrical scars from two gunshot wounds he gave her and for almost crushing her throat a little over a week ago. But she did seem generally surprised to find him missing a limb due to Tony trying to kill him. Although she didn't seem surprised that it was because of him killing Stark parents and he assumed it had to do with what Steve told him how back in DC before Zola was destroyed, she was there when it was implied Hydra played a role in the death of Howard and Maria Stark. His involvement wasn't concrete, but Steve admitted truthfully that his instinct told him they had used him to do it.

But Bucky could admit just watching how the Black Widow worked he knew why he didn't underestimate her when he was ordered to kill her from Pierce.

Natasha had walked into their jet T'Challa was lending him while Steve once again thanked the King of Wakanda before turning to him. "I'll bring her back, Buck."

He nodded lamely, "Just be careful, Steve. All of you."

Steve departed with a smile before walking into the jet which was already turned on and ready to go thanks to Natasha. Both he and T'Challa watched as they flew off before disappearing into stealth mode. Bucky was going back to the living area on his floor where he would idly wait and he was surprised to see T'Challa walking behind him silently.

Despite T'Challa failing to kill him before learning the truth didn't mean he forgot how ruthless the man was in trying to kill him. Bucky knew he couldn't hold a grudge considering he tried to kill his own best friend, Natasha, and even Sam who would hopefully be joining them in Africa very shortly. But there was bound to be some awkwardness.

"When they arrive back, I've informed my medical staff how you requested Karina to be part of the team and if she accepts your offer they shall begin immediately prepping her." T'Challa said as they walked deeper down the hall towards his living quarters.

"Thank you. Thank you for everything." Bucky replied sincerely. The King of Wakanda was risking everything hiding him alone in his country.

"It's the least I could do to atone for my past actions towards you and your friends."

"Still you're risking a lot alone by giving me asylum."

"You deserve it most." T'Challa replied earning him a surprised look. T'Challa offered him a friendly smile. "If I may speak freely, I can't imagine the horrors that plague you from the will of nefarious men and again I offer you all my resources to help make your living comfortable and enjoyable. Maybe it's a little selfish of me, I just want to help you find peace only if you will let me and my country, of course."

Bucky didn't know how to respond. Mostly as he didn't think peace was attainable for him. The screams he heard every time he closed his eyes, would never go away. A part of him didn't want them to go away. He deserved to have to relive his past transgression. He didn't think he was worthy of it.

However, the King seemed to sense his pensive mood.

"Well this is where I leave you, Sergeant Barnes. Please, if I am unable to make it back to the quarters tonight please give my well wishes to all those who arrive as I am sure Ross will call pertaining to the breach. The staff have already made the rooms up for the guest and I have ordered a nice feast to be made for the occasion."

Imani, as Bucky recalled came bustling down the hall, and since Bucky didn't know Xhosa from the way the woman's face was contorting and the fluctuation of her voice he could tell it was a very pressing manner as T'Challa's face became gravely serious as he calmed the woman down who bowed before departing.

"It ain't easy being king," Bucky muttered lightly only causing T'Challa to smile as he turned to him.

"No, it is not."

* * *

 

The pair had been traveling for only about 30 minutes in silence before Steve spoke up, "So I really made a mess of things."

Natasha looked at him with raised eyebrows as she shook her head lightly, "There is no need to apologize for standing up for what you believe in Steve."

Steve pressed his lips in a thin line. He would never apologize for not signing the Accords as he believed in individual freedom. But the words Natasha uttered to him back at Peggy's funeral haunted him as she expressed her worries that she didn't want her friend being pitted against each other. "I know, but –"

"I'll be fine, Steve," she quickly interceded. "Besides being forced to retire, I can finally explore the benefits of farming life."

"I'm sure Clint will love that. I hear Ireland is nice." Steve said lightly at the mention of the archer.

Natasha sent him a sly smirk as she didn't respond verbally, but he saw her hand ghost over the arrow necklace that was always on her person.

"I hope you're not too upset that I got Clint sent to prison."

"Trust me; I got him out of worse. But I must admit I miss doing just a clean prison break out." Natasha turned to him her eyes gleaming. "Besides, Steve, how does it feel to be on the wrong side of the law?"

Steve sighed, "Honestly, it doesn't feel that much different."

* * *

 

Karina wouldn't say she was exactly surprised when the guards had come to her room and escorted her to an interrogation room. She at first thought maybe it was Tony coming back to visit and now he had to go through the proper channels to see anyone. If not Tony, it was either Ross or some prosecutor or detective waiting to take another crack on her about James, Hydra, and her allegiance to the United States. But no matter what, she never expected a lawyer or James or Steve to be waiting for her in the interrogation room.

So she wasn't surprised to see another Agent in some suit with case files spread out on the table. The Agent was tall with brown hair and eyes and black rectangular glasses and a sharp jawline. His meaty hand was extended out to greet her. Karina eyed his hand warily before lifting her own small hand up.

"Hello, my name is Agent Hanes."

Karina made it a point to jingle the cuffs on her wrists before she accepted the handshake. "Well you already know who I am." She said as she removed her hand from his and sat down, "So why don't we skip all the formalities and you just get to the point of why you're here."

The agent gave her a tight smile while he pushed up his glasses that were on the tip of his nose. "We know you have loyalty to Mr. Rogers and his team, and most importantly to The Winter Soldier, but do you really know these men - "

Karina's brows furrowed as she cut him off, "You're already losing me. How in the hell am I _supposed_ to give you guys anything, when I've been locked up this whole time."

Agent Hanes crossed his hands as he sat up straighter, "When Mr. Stark visited the audio was cut out when he specifically talked to you. What did you tell him?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

Karina watched something briefly pass through the man's chocolate eyes before he slid a file over to her.

"You ever wondered about your parents Karina? Abram and Yelena Noskov. Childhood sweethearts married in 1981. Your parents lived a comfortable lifestyle while your dad was in school and got a job for a private research company. Your mom was just a housewife. Picture perfect family yet I can't find any proper documentation of your mom or dad applying for citizenship or even a work visa. I think it's safe that you might not even be an anchor baby – "

"Fuck you, asshole." Karina spat.

The agent only smiled in response. "I don't know how to put it in any other way. Your father worked for Hydra, Karina. He must have done something as the man you are protecting and I can assume that you love was the one that killed him. Now, I know you didn't know this. It took a while for us to figure out the connection of Abram death's to you as your mom did a good job in having someone delete her existence. I also know that Barnes didn't tell you and I want you to think about why. I'll leave you here with this file and you give you some privacy. " The agent sat up and left the room.

Karina felt a lump forming in her throat. She wasn't exactly upset or would blame James for her father's death if this was true, but he should have told her. She took a deep calming breath before she pushed the folder off the table.

* * *

 

"Guys, I don't think you understand how much I am craving Wendy's," Karina blurted out as she laid on her steel bed. It was after dinner, a very crappy dinner at that, and all Karina wanted was her favorite hot greasy food. She also wanted to forget the whole meeting with Agent Hanes.

"I'm more of a McDonald's guy myself. It's cheaper." Scott replied from his cage.

"Scott, this is where you and I can no longer be friends," Karina announced.

"You know Nat makes delicious Knish, I could go for some of that." Clint supplied.

"Wait Knish it's filled mashed potatoes, beef, and cheese, right?" Sam added on.

"Yep," Clint called out.

"Shit, man, you need to try Karina's ma, when we went to her butcher shop, I never tasted something so delicious. Words can't even describe it man. Hey, Kay, you can make that right."

"Of course, Sam."

"When we get out of here you need to make me a fucking feast."

Karina went to reply when the lights to the atrium were shut off; Karina immediately sat up, "Guys, did they change our bed time?"

Karina jumped slightly when she heard gunshots echoing from somewhere in the building before it became quiet. None of them spoke as they waited to see what was happening next. She didn't know how long she stayed frozen on top of her bed slightly scared as she didn't know if they were being attacked, but a part of her knew maybe this was the rescue team that hopefully included James.

It was a few minutes later when the door to her cell was opened where she jumped and squeaked, "Jesus!"

"Nope, not Jesus, just Natasha and Steve," a feminine voice announced in the dark hallways before walking further into the light revealing it to be The Black Widow holding a bundle of clothes – Karina's clothes – Karina had already suspected that their prison garb was wired with tracers. "Hurry up and change."

It was scary how essentially The Raft was supposed to be some highly secured prison it was fairly simple to escape from. As she followed behind Natasha and Wanda, who unfortunately still had her shock collar considering the time sensitivity of the mission, she was shocked to see many of the guards knocked out and/or strung up hanging from the ceiling. She had no doubt that was from Natasha's doing. The men were down below in the weapons lock up considering Scott under no circumstance could leave his suit in the hands of the enemy.

Despite, not seeing any trace of James, she knew it wasn't time to be distracted by her worry for him. Once they got out of this godforsaken prison she would let her mind be consumed by thoughts of James as they usually were.

Yet, Karina had jinxed them when out of nowhere gunshots sprung out of nowhere. Karina immediately ducked in response bringing Wanda down with her.

"Steve, I think they brought reinforcement." She heard Natasha dryly remark in front of them as more shots rang out before they seized.

"Stand down, now!"

Karina didn't need enhanced senses to know they were being surrounded. She felt her heartrate speeding up as she was not equipped to handle a stressful situation as this. As her eyes were flickering everywhere for an escape route like a vent she could wiggle into she saw Wanda messing with her shock collar as Natasha took some shots at their opponents and not surprisingly hitting them.

"Are you crazy!" Karina hissed. "You mess with that it could accidently give you cardiac arrest!"

"I need this off so I can help," Wanda informed her.

Karina knew any protest from her would have fell on deaf ears as she could see the determination in Wanda's eyes, but also a hint of anger. She knew it wasn't malice that it would fatally harm the men – too much – but Karina could understand where it was coming from. They were locked up like cattle. They were interned for what?

Karina growled low in her throat. "Natasha, do you happen to have a utility knife in that cat suit?"

With elegant speed Natasha spun to her back throwing what she requested at her.

"You trust me?" Karina asked Wanda.

Wanda nodded her head as she leaned forward moving her long brown hair out the way. Karina felt Natasha's eyes flicker briefly on what she was doing before focusing on the group of guards that were building.

Despite her nervousness about dealing with something like this with no blueprints and without the proper material, Karina never felt more in her element. She finally felt that she was doing something – contributing – to this group of amazing individuals. She wasn't just dead weight.

It only took her two minutes to disable the device and she went to break the lock to remove it when it was cloaked with red energy breaking the collar and the shooting stopped immediately.

"Thank you." Wanda said as her red eyes turned back to their natural blue color.

"Steve, we're good. Just meet us on the jet." Natasha said in her comm.

Since Wanda didn't have anything restraining her powers any threat they could have had was handled making the trek to the Quinjet uneventful.

Natasha helped her into the aircraft first and Karina immediately took a seat clipping herself in.

"You okay?" Wanda asked her as she took a seat next to her.

Karina nodded her head. "Yeah...it's just this isn't my type of thing. I just want to get the hell out of dodge."

Both Natasha and Wanda laughed lightly and it was only a few seconds when the men boarded the ship. Karina smiled at them as they filtered in and she even whistled as Clint kicked Cap out of the co-pilot chair. But a frown immediately took over her face as James wasn't there.

"Steve, where's James?"

The Captain turned to her and gave her a friendly smile. "He's alright. He is back waiting for us at our new _home_."

Karina raised an unimpressed brow. "And where is that exactly?"

"We're going to be staying in Wakanda. King T'Challa has offered us asylum there for as long as we need."

Karina scrunched her face as she was sure she wasn't hearing Steve correctly. "The cat that was trying to kill James is offering us a place to stay?" She couldn't even hide the skepticism in her voice towards the Captain.

"He knows the truth. Plus I feel you might want to hear the whole thing from Buck."

Karina pursed her lips slightly at the Captain. He was keeping something from her like why James wasn't here despite him being _alright_. She leaned back in her seat and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, "Wakanda better have a Wendy's."

"Well I think this should make you feel better, I hope."

Karina looked at the Captain in confusion as he dug into his pocket and produced James' dog tags. It was then when she noticed that he also had the backpack that contained James' notebooks. Her hands immediately went to her bare neck and she felt guilty for forgetting about the gift James had given her and for almost leaving it at the prison.

Karina grabbed the cool metal and placed it back around her neck, "Thank you, Steve."

The plane ride wasn't that very long. Karina wasn't that talkative like the rest of the bunch who were anxious to see their new abode as well to finally know what happened after Stark won their trust back. Karina could admit she didn't know Stark to be sold on what he was trying to sell when he visited. The only reason she gave anything up was because Steve and James needed all the help they could get.

But even she was highly curious as to what happened considering it was Steve and Natasha breaking them out the raft. Natasha signed the Accords just like Tony and he wasn't here although he didn't owe her anything in getting her out. But Steve was adamant that they all could wait until they were grounded and settled in to learn what had indeed happened. Plus, Karina could admit she wanted to hear the story from James and then she would go to Steve if she suspected James was censoring the story for her.

She ignored the teases thrown her way in wanting to see her _Tin Man,_ but she was thinking about him and a Wendy's baconator.

Yet, as they landed into the remarkably beautiful Wakanda, she forgot all about her cravings for Wendy's when she saw James down below waiting for them.


	15. Heavy In Your Arms

It amazed Karina how sour her mood went as they landed and she really _looked_ at James. Maybe it was naïve of her to think he wouldn't come out of his fight with the other soldiers without any significant injuries. She suspected maybe some bruises and scratches even then with the week that passed they would probably have been healed. Just with Steve looking physically fine and okay, she thought the same of James even if he was not on the jet. Even if she wanted to hug him and practically handcuff him to her side it all dissipated as she took note of a very prominent changed in her friend.

She looked back at Steve, who gave her a sheepish smile, wanting to clarify that James missing an arm wasn't exactly _alright_.

Everywhere else he looked _fine_ in a pair of light grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. She was slightly taken back by the obvious change in hues he was wearing. Even his eyes were a bright sky blue instead of stormy and cloudy.

Karina was starting to suspect someone slipped her some type of drug.

"Are you okay?" James asked her as she reached him. His flesh hand cupped her cheek while his eyes roamed over her own body checking for any type of injury.

" _What happened_?" Was her response and not even realizing she had slipped into speaking Russian. His lips pressed into a thin line as he stared at her dropping his hand from her face. " _I want the truth, all of it, not what you think I can handle_." She told him firmly.

He didn't say anything at first but nodded his head before taking her hand, "Let's go somewhere private."

Karina wordlessly followed him back into the building where they would be hiding and even through her anxiety she did pay attention to her surroundings. Like she noticed as they were outside it was _hot_. She felt some sweat dripping from her hairline and she suspected any longer the back of her shirt would have become damped. She suspected the change of James' attire made sense as one he didn't need to hide his metal – well missing metal – limb or his identity and the lighter clothing helped with the dry temperatures. She was concerned how T'Challa was able to wear an all black suit in this climate.

Inside, which was considerably cooler, she noticed the place was filled with windows that showcased the beautiful terrain of Wakanda and it's jungle. She didn't miss the large black panther structure that loomed in the background.

The interior of the place was sleek and sophisticated. The colors were various shades of greys and whites. The place screamed royalty and prominence. As well as the countries intelligence of how she saw people bustling working in labs and various displays of their accomplishments on plaques, trophies, and portraits.

As she followed James to which he described as their floor, she noticed they needed a code to enter; they entered into a modern living room where the color scheme hadn't changed and as they moved beyond the foyer. On the white marble wall was a massive TV in the center with a fireplace placed directly below. The floor was black with a white large carpet with a clear glass coffee table in the middle. There was a white wrap around couch with black accents. Beside each end of the couch were two lounge chairs, black and white respectively. Behind the couch was another placement of large windows and glass door which showcased the breathtaking scenery as well as a deck with outdoor furniture. Next was the dining room that had an expansive chandelier that was worth more than her past college education before they bypassed the kitchen that Karina didn't know how to even describe, besides she was scared to touch anything in fear of leaving a fingerprint because everything looked immaculate and out of an magazine. Who knew everything looking black and white could look so marvelous.

So when James showed her the room he picked out for her she was surprised to see the room had purple in it.

The walls were a medium grey. The floor was white stone with a purple carpet. The bed was in the middle of the room, which was too big for one person to sleep in alone, had a purple comforter – she was sure it was made out of cashmere. Next to the bed was a small white nightstand. Opposite from the bed was a TV mounted on the wall and below was a desk mounted on the wall with a purple chair. She saw there was a built in closest and next to it was another dresser with a shoe rack below built in and a cupboard atop with a rack underneath to hang smaller items.

She could only imagine what the bathroom looked like or even James' room, but there was more pressing matters and her exploration could be put on hold.

She took a seat on the pristine bed and looked up at James expectantly.

He ran a hand through his hair as he tentatively sat down and she noted he put an unusual amount of space between them.

" _Well that guy, the psychiatrist wasn't really one. The real psychiatrist was killed by Helmut Zemo, who was impersonating him. We thought he just wanted to use the other Soldiers for his own personal gain, but when he arrived he shot them while they were still under. His main goal was to get Tony, me, and Steve under the same roof to reveal that I – Hydra – had killed his parents_. _He wanted to crumble the Avengers for what they did to Sokovia. Zemo lost his family. He wanted revenge and he knew he couldn't personally do it, so he wanted to destroy it from within."_

" _So he used you as a pawn_." Karina muttered more to herself, but she saw James nodded his head to her words. " _So how exactly did you lose_ your _arm_?"

" _Zemo unearthed the security footage that showed me…killing Tony's parents. So Tony tried to kill me and it was a back and forth battle. Steve…was down and it's Steve, it's my job to protect him and Tony's power was his suit. I stop the suit – he can't fight two super soldiers - and I was trying to disable his arc reactor with my metal hand and was close when the next thing I knew my arm was blown to hell_."

Karina soaked in James' words and her concern rapidly morphed into burning hot rage.

" _So Tony Stark tried to murder you?"_

" _Yeah, I mean, I don't blame him for –"_

Now Karina was seething as she cut him off surprising him, " _Yes, Bucky, it's understandable, but it doesn't justify him trying to_ murder _you. And I'm sick of you thinking you deserve that shit that has come your way. It's frankly pissing me the fuck off, now. Nothing, I mean nothing, could ever justify Tony trying to murder you knowing what you been through. Half of the shit we all went through was because he doesn't listen to reasons and only his emotions and ego."_

Karina didn't realize she had moved up from the bed as she was pacing in a circle. Her mind was racing with the what ifs if Tony succeeded and murdered James. She knew Tony was perfectly fine in feeling anger, hurt, and rage. It was understandable and she knew even if she understood James' situation that in Tony's eyes he would be the man that killed his parents even though James wasn't responsible. But her mind pondered on the death of her father that she wouldn't be surprised if James did in fact murder him. But it wasn't him. In her opinion, Tony acted irrational. Then she was hit with the fact they were in Wakanda when the last time she checked the King of the land was actively trying to kill him.

"Hey," even with one hand James' was still was strong as she stopped her pacing forcing her to look at him. "Sweetheart, I'm fine, okay, now that you're here." She watched a knowing smile come across his face which only caused her to narrow her green eyes into slits.

"I think the jury is still out on that one." James only smiled and her eyes focused on his stump and her hand went out to reach the metal shoulder as she rubbed it with her thumb along the cool metal. She knew he received sensation different on his left side. She couldn't even imagine the sensory overload of him losing his arm, but she thought the action would give him something – comfort – even if she was still pissed with his depreciating thoughts of himself. "So how come were in Wakanda?"

"He found out I didn't kill his father as he followed us to Siberia."

Karina took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose as she felt a lot of what happened could have been avoided in the first place if people just talked and listened instead of punch first and ask questions later. "Well I guess that's a good thing or our sleepovers are going to be very awkward."

James snorted while he rolling his eyes.

"So, what are you doing about your arm?"

James actually perked up at the mention of his arm. "About that, T'Challa has offered to give me a new one when we got here, but I waited as I want you to be a part of the team during the operation."

Her jaw literally detached and fell to the floor as she was left speechless – flabbergasted – that James wanted her to be involved in this process. He _delayed_ his procedure and waited for her to be a part of this operation. This was what she had been going to school for. Operating on James was probably going to be the only chance she would ever get to perform a procedure like this. He trusted her to be involved in this operation. Her hand clamped over her mouth as she felt her green eyes becoming watery at how thoughtful this was to her and she knew he probably didn't realize the depth of what this meant to her.

She honestly didn't mean to start crying, at first she was crying out of joy, but then embarrassingly it turned into ugly crying with the loud hard hiccups. It was the cultivation of everything that lead up to this point. Her home life with James being disrupted, being arrested twice, everything that happened in Germany, being in prison, this, she was surprised she hadn't had a breakdown sooner.

It was then she felt a comfortable warmth encase her body and it only made her sob more.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry. I'm happy, but it's just everything." She muffled into his shirt and she really didn't expect him to understand a word she had said. "Now, I'm getting snot all over your shirt."

She felt a faint rumble against her cheek and what he replied with made her turn into even more of a puddle, "It's okay. I got you."

* * *

 

_**Few Days Later** _

"So can I ask why Romania?"

Since settling in Wakanda and with Steve coming to the realization he wasn't a ticking time bomb, their friendship was as if there wasn't 70 years between them – horrible 70 years in Bucky's lens. There were of course some things that Bucky wasn't able to talk about yet. Steve, of course, respected that they weren't going to cross that line even if he passively thrown in that he should talk to someone. He even suggested Sam who had a background as a veterans' counselor. But Bucky couldn't imagine telling Sam of all people his emotional distress.

It wasn't any disrespect to Sam. But he knew Sam was still wary of him. However, Sam was literally a pain in his ass with his quips and jokes and it only had been a few days.

Bucky could admit he felt slightly out of place with Steve's friends. Wanda and Scott were the only two that actively spoke to him with ease. He was still freaked out yet fascinated that Scott could communicate with ants though. He was intrigued genuinely with Scott's background.

With Wanda, he felt bad for her in a sense. She was only a kid and had been manipulated by Hydra and then with her powers she was capable of many things and people feared her or considered her a weapon of mass destruction. He remembered after Karina's emotional outburst that he was surprised didn't happen sooner, but something he knew she needed, she revealed how they had Wanda in a straitjacket and a shock collar. He felt rage that the government wanted to control her and had taken away her freedom – something he was familiar with.

Clint was neutral after the first night where the man revealed in depth how Loki, an Asgardian God, brainwashed him and he almost killed the team. So there was a mutual understanding although he was still _pissed_ that he shot Natasha twice. He was honestly surprised that Clint revealed that too him, but he understood why. They both knew what it was like to have their loyalty twisted and to know innocent people – friends – they would never in a million years hurt to have become a target. Clint was letting him know he wasn't alone.

Natasha and he hadn't spoken. He only was a recipient of a neutral nod. He honestly didn't expect much from her to begin with, but he knew what the woman was capable of. He knew her reputation.

Instead, Bucky found the comfort in having his friend back albeit the circumstances were grim and he still felt guilty that Steve might have lost a friend. But in the back of his mind, he knew if things didn't happen the way they did, he and Steve wouldn't be here. Bucky would have been content in Romania with Karina.

So daily, since all of them had settled in, he and Steve would find a secluded area in the massive dwelling that was their home and simply talk since at the moment his activities were severely limited with one arm. The first day was simply about the longing and cherished memories from their childhood – their youth. He knew Steve was surprised at how much he did _indeed_ remember. But his friend contained his astonishment _well_.

Bucky took a sip of the pink lemonade that Karina had made earlier in the day before he replied. "It was meant to be temporary."

"But she was there," Steve added on delicately.

Bucky nodded his head as he ran his fingers over his sweating glass, "My planned was to just be a drifter until _it_ caught up to me."

"Buck, I need to ask you something about your _time_ with Hydra."

Bucky lifted his head and looked directly at his friend. He couldn't help the immediate tensing of his muscles at the mention of them. "What?"

"I don't know if you know, but back in the US, Karina was reported missing by her guardian Anya. Officials weren't doing much, but reporting about her alleged ties to Hydra and I believed she would have led to you with what she was studying in school, so I followed the lead. We went to Anya and she revealed that Karina's mother, Yelena, revealed that Abram Noskov, her husband, worked for Hydra as a scientist, and Yelena was on the run from them."

"You think I killed him?" Bucky asked bluntly. It wasn't accusing just simply asking.

Steve's face fell as his brows wrinkled, "I think you two crossed paths."

Bucky raked his thoughts until he settled on Abram Noskov. They only thing he had similar to his daughter were the green eyes that looked like unpolished jade. He guessed Karina also inherited his brain. He believed that was the distinct reason Hydra singled her out from all the people that were more than capable at the time where Karina was at in her studies.

But Abram, after Karina revealed some of her backstory to him drunkenly he might add that night he got a full flashback of Abram and what happened to him.

"He was going to tell me about who I was or try to break the programming. Not everyone that worked for Hydra was inherently evil. I mean sure their beliefs were fucked up, but Abram I don't think he knew exactly who he was working for. But I don't know what he did. They woke me up and he was my next target."

Bucky remembered that mission like all the others. They thawed him out, his bones still stiff and cold making him sluggish as they dragged him to that chair. His mind would be so confused – so disorientated – as they locked him in and the machine hovered over him before lowering around his skull. The head brace was locked tight as the electronic pulses zapped him into their puppet. He remembered getting the folder and the details about Abram. The recognition was vague, but it was a mission – an order – he never questioned just immediately began plotting to complete the mission with the time table he was given.

He found Abram in Poland. Abram wasn't even trying to be discreet. It made him cautious as how sloppy and obvious the trail was. Just because Abram wasn't a spy, soldier, or assassin, he was still a scientist – a very smart man. The brain was just a lethal as brawns.

He found Abram outside the bar. He didn't have orders to make it look like an accident. He was ordered to eliminate. Bucky never questioned why he didn't take him out from a distance through a scope but now as he remembered the mission he thought it was because he was trying to dig through his scattered memories. He was trying to place him with some context.

He remembered creeping up on Abram, but it was pointless the man was waiting for him. He even said it was pointless trying to outrun him as he drank from his liquor bottle – Vodka – and the gun that was in his lap was curled in his hand. Abram kept apologizing profusely for what he partook in. At the time he didn't make sense and Bucky wrote it off to another target looking to purge their sins to the gods they believed in. But now Abram was simply apologizing to him and to his family. And Bucky remembered that Abram smiled before he turned his gun on himself.

"Before I could do it, he finished it himself."

"Have you told Karina?"

Bucky shook his head and before Steve could tell him what he already knew, "I know I need to tell her." He wasn't exactly sure how to bring up his past with her father considering what had happened.

"What happened –"

"I know, I know, it wasn't my fault. Karina chews my head off telling me the same thing."

Steve nodded his head before smiling gently, "Well, she has a point." Bucky huffed, but Steve continued. "Did Karina tell you about Mischa?"

"Her brother?"

Steve nodded. "About his leg?"

Bucky crinkled his brow.

"An accident happened and she made him a leg." Steve informed him simply.

Bucky got what he was saying. The operation really meant something to Karina, but he already knew that. But he was surprised Karina never told him about her early endeavors in science.

"I'm sorry about Peggy." Bucky remembered reading it in the paper about the passing of Agent Carter. Bucky had a lot of respect for the Agent even before he knew of her involvement with Steve as the SSR was based in the 107th camp. Outside of her accomplishments as a spy, she was a beautiful dame and the only dame that didn't look over Steve because of his small before his procedure and didn't care about his size after the procedure Steve signed up for. Bucky was glad that his friend had someone from his past when he was found, but still he read about Peggy's Alzheimer's and he couldn't imagine how that must have been a blow to Steve. It seemed everyone Steve knew had a memory problem, Bucky thought bitterly.

Steve gave him a small smile. "At least I had some time with her." Steve patted his shoulder. "I think Anya would like you."

* * *

 

Karina was sitting in the vacant hallway of her new home behind the massive large glass windows that showcased the beauty of Wakanda. Usually, she would have been able to marvel in the severely intentional isolated country. But due to the hour, it was pitch black, despite the moon providing some hazy light.

She was highly appreciative of the accommodations that King T'Challa was providing. She knew he was risking a lot by providing her along with James, Steve, Clint, Natasha, Sam, Scott, and Wanda asylum for an indefinite amount of time. He was going against a document that his country helped draft.

She would be forever grateful for his hospitality.

Yet, as she settled in, something was gnawing in the pit of her stomach. It only formed after her breakdown in front of James when they first arrived. She believed it had to do with the fact that the Task Force or Zemo shattered the life she had been forming with James in Romania. She was hit with the harsh reality that James would always be viewed as a threat and would always be on the run. She would like to think that one day maybe he would get a trial that would clear him of the crimes he was innocent of. Though with the pit that was forming in her gut, it told her that it probably would never happen. Not with how things currently were.

In being locked up at the Raft without due process pertaining to her who had no enhanced capabilities and was just a measly college student, she could only imagine the treatment James would receive. He wouldn't even get a fair trial. They only wanted someone to own up to the crimes that James was brainwashed to commit. They wanted accountability. They didn't care about the truth. There was footage for godsakes of James killing Howard Stark and his wife. A family that had ties to the military and funded them with weapons until Tony changed the path to the company. The Starks were a family that was well respected across various communities for their achievements and contributions to science, business, and the economy. Then he did kill one of the most beloved Presidents and framed someone else for it. He – Hydra - only made the government look incompetent.

She knew living so isolated in Bucharest like they were doing now in Wakanda shielded her from that truth. She never would regret befriending James because he wasn't what Hydra turned him into. She never would repent her choice in sticking by him. As long as she was capable, she would support him. She would never turn her back on him. She would be his friend or more, if needed. But a part of her was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like for him to finally reveal the truth about her father.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

The former graduate student nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of James' voice. Turning she found him a few feet away in black sweatpants and a muscle shirt, his hair was mussed from running his hand through it. No trace of sleep was evident in his being and she wondered how long he was up waiting for her to return to her room. A scowl took over her face though from him frightening her because of his non-existent footsteps. It seemed unnatural he never made any sounds as he moved. "I could say the same for you."

He extended his hand out for her to grab, "Come on."

Begrudgingly she accepted his offered hand and they walked quietly back to her room. She had just placed her hand on the doorknob when she turned back to him, "Can you stay…please."

He looked surprised by her request and she prepared for a rejection. And she scolded herself for sounding needy, but she was yearning for the old days when it was just them in one of their apartments. James seemed to be assimilating to life in Wakanda easily. She noticed that Steve and he were reconnecting with one each other. Also, some of the tension he usually held was slowly being chipped away. Not all of it, but he seemed more relax that cops weren't going to break into his apartment and shoot him on sight.

He nodded his head and followed her into her room. She thought it would have been awkward considering so much time had passed since they needed to share a bed, but they easily slid in next to each other as if they this every night. She was laying on her side bundled under her covers facing away from him willing sleep to come easily – faster – when he spoke. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

She turned and laid on her back as her eyes trailed to where his left arm was missing and where she was going to be a part of the operation that would provide him a new sleeker arm in the upcoming hours.

Despite it's isolation, Wakanda was one of the world's most technological advance nations. She was literally in paradise working along the most brilliant of minds and to top it off they treated her as an equal. Despite her lack of expertise and education, they didn't treat her as an inferior. And as she worked with the team in charge of James' procedure they were so willing and helpful in honing her skills. And they even offered her a _job_ so she could improve her skill and knowledge during her stay in Wakanda along with finding a way for her to finish her degree although considering the company she kept it would only be valid in Wakanda unless their names were cleared. But Karina wasn't holding her breath on that one.

But despite the operation and who she was operating on, she wasn't nervous. Or it wasn't a bad nervous. It was a good nervous. She was excited to be a part of something like this.

Her green eyes met blue ones, "Are you?"

"I trust you."

Karina smiled and found herself being pulled closer to him where her head rested on his chest.

* * *

 

As Bucky laid on the operating table under the bright artificial light, he had a brief flashback of finding himself in an similar situation, but this time it was much different. He was in a stark medical lab on his will and there wasn't psychotic mad scientists operating him without his consent giving him something he didn't want.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Bucky's vision became filled with Karina looking over him as she stood by his head, her hands free from gloves resting on his shoulders rubbed a soothing pattern. It wasn't until then he realized the heart monitor beeping had increased due to his thoughts.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them back to find Karina smiling at him softly. She was already adorning in medical garb. She had a pair of grey scrubs on covered by a surgical gown, a disposable surgeon cap, her surgical mask was on but pulled down resting underneath her chin, and he could admit he did find some comfort that he was still able to see her emerald eyes.

"I'm good." He replied giving her a smile. "I'm in good hands."

"Well, yeah, Dr. Okar, is well…amazing."

Bucky rolled his eyes, "I was talking about you, doll."

Bucky watched as a blush tainted her cheeks before Dr. Okar, a middle age woman fully in her surgical gear came into view, "Okay, enough flirting," the doctor joked as Karina stepped slightly to the side one hand still rubbing his shoulder. "Now, Mr. Barnes, as we discussed we don't see this surgery lasting more than three hours considering you have the best of the best right now. I'm not bragging just telling you the truth." The doctor added cheekily causing a smile to pass his lips that the doctor wasn't stuck up and serious as some of the people he encountered. "When you wake up, you will not be in this room, you will be in post-op and I am sure Mr. Rogers will be there waiting for you to come to. I will try to have Karina there, but with post op and this being her first operation of this magnitude I will like to have a briefing as she as a promise in this career." From the corner of his eye, he could see the blush deepening on Karina's cheeks as the doctor continued speaking, "More importantly, considering the serum in your body and the high dosage we have to use to put you under, you will feel groggy and possibly sick, but we suspect your serum to burn through it quickly in at least an hour at the most. You really are in good hands and we don't foresee any complications. And that's not me being optimistic that's me being confident in my team's abilities. Now enough talking, you two kiss or whatever and Dr. Madaki will administer that anesthesia."

Bucky watched as the doctor walked away, "Well, she's _vibrant_."

"She's nice. I like her." She uttered before turning her gaze back to him. A smile etched across her face. He could tell she was a little nervous despite her denial. She gave him another squeeze on his shoulder, "Okay, well this is it. You are three hours away from being back to a half cyborg."

He rolled his eyes before his responded, "Karina, you'll be fine. I trust you."

* * *

 

Karina pulled off the surgical smile and couldn't even hide the smile on her face as the procedure was a success. She walked out of the operation room into the observational room where she only expected to see Steve, but Wanda, Sam, and Scott were with the Captain as well. They all turned to her with a smile.

"Um it went well. Fantastic." Karina announced to all of them.

"It was really cool watching you in your element." Scott said from his seat with a smile where he sat next to Sam.

"Were you guys watching the whole time?"

"Well, I was, they joined halfway through and you just missed Nat and Clint." Steve said as he looked away from where they were wheeling James out of the operating room to Post-Op.

"Okay, well we suspect James to wake up in at least an hour due to the serum, as you know, do you need me to walk down to the room."

Steve shook his head, "No I remember and you really did amazing in there."

"Thanks, Steve." Steve left the room along with Scott and Sam, who both offered her a hug and congratulating on her first successful operation of her career.

Wanda was the last one left in the room. The young witch approached her giving her a warm hug. "It was truly amazing watching you work."

"Well it was me and the whole team." Karina added.

"But _you_ were in charge."

Karina gave a sheepish smile as a response.

"You don't need powers to make an impact, Rina."

* * *

 

Bucky's eyes were heavy as he tried to blink them open but his progress was futile as the artificial light temporarily blinded him.

Some undecipherable noise escaped his throat as he tried to gather his wits.

"You okay, Buck."

His eyes flew open as he spotted Steve sitting on his left side watching him attentively. It was then he realized the slight ache coming from his left side. His eyes darted to his new left arm. It was remarkably lighter than his former bionic arm. It was sleeker as well, but his skin felt incredibly tight and tender. He went to move his arm, but Steve's hand flew down stopping his movement.

"Are you sure you should do that?"

Bucky gave his friend a blank look before it turned into a scowl as his foggy mind comprehended the words.

Steve snorted. "Well the anesthesia didn't last long."

Bucky rolled his eyes, "What's the worst that could happen, Steve?"

Steve looked up at him with his puppy eyes brimming with innocence that looked out of place on his large frame, "Usually a doctor would be in here to monitor to see if the procedure went well, considering the nature of the operation I think it would be better to see if they want you moving it."

"It's not like I'm going to go punching through walls," Bucky said flatly. The two were in a mini stare down before Steve sighed and conceded and removed his hand.

Bucky first tested his fingers by tapping them against his bed and he looked at Steve knowingly while the blond only shook his hand. Bucky then made a fist making sure to note if anything felt off. He only felt the ache of having new metal fitted on his body.

He slowly brought his arm up in a curl and he had the plates shift.

"Seems the operation was a success," Bucky commented as he smiled at his friend.


	16. Sting

_**One Month Later** _

One thing Karina never imagined was that she would be playing Twister with the Scarlett Witch and the Black Widow. Well Natasha wasn't exactly playing as she was in charge of the spinner. Plus, Karina thought they would all have been at a distinct disadvantage considering Natasha's background in gymnastics.

It was a Friday night in Wakanda. The boys were all bonding in the gym, working out leaving, their floor abandoned except for the women. Karina didn't have any classes or work after 1. She wasn't sure what exactly Wanda and Natasha did during their days. She knew they used the gyms in the morning and trained. She did know Natasha roamed Wakanda more than any of them along with Clint. She wasn't sure what they exactly did, but she knew they didn't have the most conventional dates.

All she did know that her and her roommates were going stir crazy. Not so much her as she had the privilege of taking some college classes and working in the medical department thanks to T'Challa's generosity. But she could still understand the fatigue of being in one place and not being able to do what they considered their job. Despite the amenities, the building they were staying in had to offer, they were cautioned that leaving the building was ill-advised [Natasha and Clint didn't listen]. Some on Wakanda didn't appreciate their presence in their country knowing the political ramifications it could bring. They also wanted the heat of Captain America and company being fugitives to die down.

But today, she suspected Natasha had a good time out in town as when she entered the living room she was showing Wanda some of her purchases which included some games including Twister. Despite living with Natasha over a month, she was still unsure about the spy. It wasn't as if she didn't like her. It was just Natasha was intimidating. Natasha didn't seem to go out of her way to make her feel uncomfortable or unwelcomed. The ginger just held an aloofness to her that Karina had a feeling that was a byproduct of her job and wasn't Karina's business.

Yet, she suspected with her spy skills that came with being an expert in behavioral psychology that it was how she found herself on top of Wanda's back as Natasha spun the wheel telling Wanda her next move. Natasha was sitting on the couch in a pair of red jeans and a black tank sipping wine barefoot. It was the most relaxed she seen the spy without Clint around. She could admit she accidently interrupted an intimate moment between the two spies that left her mortified for a few days.

But now she watched as the spy who was trying to contain her smile as she watched Wanda stick out her foot that was challenging her balance.

"I don't know Wanda, I think Karina might have this round in the bag."

"Aren't you supposed to neutral?" Wanda huffed to the former Russian spy.

"There aren't teams in Twister, Wanda." Karina added.

Natasha snickered, "Alright, Karina put your left hand on blue."

Karina carefully moved her hand as Natasha spoke, "You got good muscle definition and you seem flexible."

"Is that a…compliment?"

Natasha rolled her eyes, "Yes, it is actually. Did Barnes train you in anything?"

Katrina released an unladylike snort. "Train? My limbs practically fell off from his self-defense lessons and he was going easy on me while he looked disgustingly perfect."

Wanda began laughing underneath her causing her to lose her balance and ultimately throwing Katrina's own balance off making Karina fall on top of the petite brunette and on queue the men wandered into the room.

"Well what do we have here?" She heard Clint questioned loudly as he no doubt made a beeline to sit next to Natasha.

Karina only grunted before she squeaked in surprise as she found herself cloaked in red wispy strands levitating her in the air before she was plopped on the couch gently. "Wanda, warn a girl next time." She lightly chastised.

Wanda only smirked as she got off the floor to sit in a vacant lounge chair. Meanwhile Steve was scrutinizing the game. "What kind of game is this?"

Sometimes she forgot that even if Steve and technically James were still adjusting to modern times. Like the game Twister came out after his time. Natasha explained the game to him and Karina bit back the laughter as she knew he didn't see what made the game so entertaining.

"Why don't you boys play?" Karina suggested gently as James took a seat next to her.

He didn't seem all that interested in the game, but he scrunched his face at the suggestion much like Sam's. "It doesn't seem that much fun." He added.

"How about Wanda and Steve versus you two," Clint added wiggling his brows.

Karina threw him a bored look at his implication.

" _How about you and Natalia play_ ," James muttered in Russian.

" _He does already in the bedroom."_ Natasha replied easily not even blinking as Clint's smirk widen.

Meanwhile everyone else in the room was looking at them in confusion especially as Karina began blushing.

" _Please, stop,_ " Karina mumbled knowing she was heard as both spies snickered.

However, any talk of Twister was abandoned as the King of Wakanda entered the room without his omnipresent assistants and guards, but Karina suspected they were outside the door. T'Challa looked elegant as always in a light grey suit accented with pink.

"Your highness," they all greeted.

"Please, T'Challa," he amended as he travelled to stand in the middle of the living room briefly glancing at the Twister game. "I assume all is well."

They all nodded their heads causing the King to smile, "I'm glad, I wish I was able to be around more, but being King is a 24/7 job. But I came down to announce that it is safe to explore the grounds outside these walls. I will still go with caution and please inform Imani, but feel free to explore what my country has to offer."

* * *

 

"Please," Karina practically begged – whined – to James who was sitting on the edge of his bed where she was sprawled across on her stomach before she flipped over to lay on her back. His blue eyes looked at her briefly before they went back to whatever he was playing on his tablet. Karina had learned although she had already suspected that James was a nerd. With the vast resources of James to indulge in to finally and properly get caught up on most of the advancements that she wasn't able to tell him about, he really looked into the technology advancements. He was able to understand very quickly some of the work she was assigned working with the doctors in Wakanda. However, even though she knew he was very smart, she knew the serum made it easy for him to attain some things.

Karina let out an irritated breath and quickly snatched the tablet out of his hands and stashed it under her stomach. She knew he could easily toss her aside to retrieve the object, but instead he looked at her with a blank look, but she saw the teasing glint in his eyes.

"You know I'm beginning to think you are avoiding me." Karina pointed out to him.

His brown brows wrinkled and for a millisecond she thought she saw something flash through his blue grey irises as his fingers played with his fabric of his comforter, "I see you every day."

"Yeah you see me, but we don't hang out…like the two of us." It was true she was becoming distracted with the mounting school work, cooking for enhanced individuals – not that she minded – and taking up Natasha's offer recently that she knew James didn't visibly suspect, her time was surprisingly limited. She still didn't know exactly what James did, but she only saw him in passing and at dinner. Karina sat up as a pensive smile came across her face. "I just sometimes miss how it used to be me and you, ya know."

A tendered expression colored his face as he looked at her. He sat up from his bed as he looked down at her, "Since you _begged_ so nicely."

Karina scrunched up her nose, "I didn't beg. I persuaded."

* * *

 

"Do you think we're going to come across gorillas?" Karina asked the super soldier next to her as they trekked through the rainforest. Out of all the things Karina suggested she was beginning to regret suggesting they take a hike through a very humid and green rainforest. She was glad she had opted into changing into some workout shorts and a crop top workout shirt. To avoid drooling over James' physique, she focused on stepping over the discarded tree branches and vines, and the burning in her legs. As they walked further she didn't even think it was a approved trail. But James insisted that she would like where he was leading them. She, however, was getting flashbacks of that movie _Anaconda_.

"Anacondas are in South America." James said from next to her. She forgot she watched that film with him. "Besides, those giant anacondas are just myths."

"Myths come from some sort of truth." She watched as he shook his head no doubt laughing at her in his head. "Besides you never did answer my first question."

"Well let's hope we don't come across any silverbacks." He remarked dryly.

"You could always punch them in the face."

"I'm not Tarzan."

"You could be."

"You calling me an ape?"

"No," Karina said slowly as she eyed him taking in his sweating skin that had his muscle shirt clinging to him in ways that should have been illegal. She also took note of how shiny his left arm looked. Her eyes traveled back up to his eyes as she finished, "but you are intelligent, loyal, tall, athletic, tan, have long hair, and handsome." She pointed out and watched a faint blush taint his cheeks.

"So does that make you Jane?"

Karina's face took over a look of disgust as she stuck her tongue out, "Uh, no, I'm not a damsel in distress."

"Well she is actually intelligent, competent, and eventually becomes capable of handling the wildlife herself."

"And how many times did Tarzan have to save her?" She asked pointedly.

James shook his head the loose hair from his man bun stuck to his clammy skin before he abruptly stopped and looked at her. His airy eyes turned steely as they looked at her, "I know what you and Natalia are doing."

Karina turned stiff. It wasn't as if she was purposefully not telling him. She didn't think he would exactly have a problem with it considering how he taught her some self-defense back in Romania. But he didn't seem happy either.

"Are you _mad_?" She asked cautiously.

He released a heavy sigh as his hands went to his hips and he pursed his lips as his forehead scrunched before shaking his head, "No, no, I just wish you didn't need to. You _shouldn't_ have to." He stressed.

"Well, I should at least be prepared. I can't rely on all you guys to be worried about me with shit goes down."

He didn't respond, but she saw the anguish in his now cloudy blue eyes as he looked at her. She extended her hand out which he took after a moment tightly and he began leading to their destination.

"Seriously, if we see a gorilla, how fast can you run with me on your back?"

"I thought you wanted me to punch it in the face?"

"Well you can't they're endangered species."

* * *

 

It was about another 30 minute tread before James moved a branch out of the way and exposed a breathtaking site.

Her stomach slightly lurched as she realized they were standing on the tip of a steep cliff – or more so the ledge of a waterfall. The ledge formed a skewed version of a grotto with rocks or better yet a small pool to recline in. She was slightly worried about the stream taking her over.

She felt a warm pressure against her lower back. "I promise you won't get sucked to the ledge."

Karina looked over at James who had a nervous smile on his face. She didn't verbally reply as she knelt down and placed her hand in the cold water that felt marvelous on her overheated skin. She looked out into the horizon where they had a perfect view of such a small portion of the forest. It was a rainbow of the different variation of greens. She could hear the animals' voices talking amongst each other oblivious to the beauty of nature that surrounded all of them.

There wasn't anything like this in the States or even Romania. She could admit being a city girl, she did miss the bustling of the city from the honking of cars and loud screech of the engines of buses. But in this moment, living in the city you never were privileged with the serenity of being surrounded by nature.

"This is beautiful, James."

James sat down next to her Indian style. "I found it looking at a map."

"If I didn't know any better I would say you had all this planned." Karina pointed out as she slipped off her sneakers and socks and sighed in content at the feel of the water against her aching feet.

"Well meticulous planning was once part of my job description."

Karina rolled her eyes in response as she lightly kicked her legs back in forth in the water. And thinking about _jobs_ made her think of the two spies that currently lived with them. "So I think Natasha and Clint are leaving."

"You going to miss them?"

"Unlike you, Mr. Anti-social, I happen to enjoy their company. And they are part of this make shift _clique._ Beside they are not so bad."

"Well Clint isn't so bad."

" _Natalia_ isn't so bad either." She added on only causing him to snort. She knew James didn't _not_ like Natasha, but there was some sort of uneasiness between the two that she never questioned.

"So you have become entrapped by the _little spider_." He stated flippantly.

"Well she is _the Black Widow_." She didn't think there needed to be any other reason for being enticed with the ginger vixen. "Just like you're _The Winter Soldier_ , Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes that alone has me swooning on my knees."

"If you were on your knees it wouldn't be to swoon especially over my name."

Karina choked on her own breath while she heard James release a rare belly laugh. Keeping her voice even as she regulated her breathing as she knocked his shoulder lightly considering it was the metal one, "Don't tease me with a good time, _Serge_."

She caught his blue eyes with her own emerald that were jubilant as her lips curved into a wide smile. She memorized every detail about how he looked compared to how she first met him in Romania. He didn't walk around with all that tension in his body. He didn't look over his shoulders as much. His smiles weren't tortured or for her benefit. But he meant them. He had come so far in the last two years after all the shit he been through.

But as always as they partook in their stare downs she was the first to look away.

"So do you like it here?"

Karina turned her gaze back towards James as she responded to his question, "Here at this waterfall or here as in Wakanda?"

"Here as in Wakanda." He clarified.

Karina shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "I mean I can't complain. T'Challa has set us up nicely. It's not Brighton, DC, or Romania. But Its home." Karina paused as she looked at the Super Soldier, a small smile took over her lips as she sought out his metal hand that was between them. She gave it a gentle squeeze as she finished her thought, "You're here. That's all that matters, if you want me to really be honest."

She watched his eyes darken almost to a navy blue similar to the shade the made Steve's former Captain America uniform before he looked away from her green eyes out to the nature before them. She watched his shoulders that held his usual tension slack a fraction before he quickly stood up.

He nudged his head to the water as his hands found the edge of his muscle tee, "Come on let's get in."

Karina watched as he quickly rid himself of his white muscle tee exposing his lithe physique underneath. Her eyes trailed his body before she flicked them back up to his face where he was smirking at her. She was _swooning_ alright.

* * *

 

If Karina thought Bucky was a hard trainer nothing compared to Natasha. It wasn't as if James went exactly easy on her, because he didn't, but Natasha was a whole other level. She liked to think it was because there wasn't much of a personal relationship between the two as the spy instructed her and wasn't scared to push her to the point it felt her limbs were going to fall off. However, the feeling was something she was used to when James trained her.

Yet, unlike James, Natasha advocated Karina's personal use of dirty tactics as it wasn't as if the enemy fought clean.

Overall, the little self-defense sessions went pretty well. Plus she was being trained by one of the greatest spies the world had ever produced.

Of course, in the beginning it was slightly intimidating. She still has a hard time deciphering if it is intentional or not. Besides they never did talk about their initial meeting back in the interrogation room in Germany.

Karina had just evaded a punch aimed her way from the former Russian spy when she had bent down aiming to take her down by grabbing her leg as leverage to bring her down to the ground. Natasha used the move to her advantage by wrapping her legs around Karina's waist bringing _her_ down.

Karina groaned annoyed mostly as it seemed impossible to get the upper hand as Natasha's face flooded her vision.

"Don't sell yourself short. You are doing very well. You know the use of my legs are one of my strongest strengths and know that to gain any leverage you need to take them out, so to speak." The red-head informed as she held out her hand to help her up from the ground. "But if you are comfortable I would suggest having one of the guys join us. You can really test you skills on them."

Karina huffed as she pushed her wayward bangs out of her face. "I hope you mean Clint or maybe even Sam. James or Steve would be probably scared they hurt me making it an easy win."

Natasha's lips quirked up as she eyes her. "Whoever you prefer. Although Clint would be the recommended choice. He won't estimate you or treat you as an unequal opponent."

Karina snorted. "I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse that the fact I'm being underestimated."

"Just use it to your advantage."

Karina hummed as she took a long sip out of her water bottle before placing it on her heated skin. As usual, she looked a total mess with sweating hair and skin while Natasha only looked like she just got down riding on a motorcycle as she leaned against the wall scrutinizing her.

Natasha wasn't obvious about it the way James tended to be or even the others like Clint, Sam, and Steve. Yet Karina suspected living with James for technically two years and her experience with Hydra she just knew when people were watching her and trying to figure her out. She knew what she did and didn't do gave away to how she was like. She was well aware of Natasha being an expert in reading body language.

Karina placed her water bottle back on the metal bench as she looked at Natasha directly in the eyes and quirked up an eyebrow. "Is there something you wanted to ask me?"

Natasha's face was in it's neutral _bored_ expression as she crossed her arms. "You do realize this is your life now. Before the Accords and maybe even before you went off to Romania to live, you could have gotten your life back. Being here associated with us – with Barnes –"

"It makes me a weakness - a liability." Karina finished for her. The frown was instantaneous as the words passed her lips. She hoped she wasn't having this conversation with the Black Widow of all people. She hated to even be thought of as a weakness, but it wasn't like she planned on hopping into any battles. Her emotional attachment to some of them was different of course. But T'Challa's palace seemed formidable and impenetrable. But there was always a weakness somewhere.

A resigned smile came across the former Avenger's lips as she stepped forward, her voice steady and firm as she spoke in their mother tongue, " _We both know that you had this conversation multiple times, but no one would blame you if you need to leave. To make a life for yourself out of this. You still have that choice that some of us didn't have._ "

* * *

 

Bucky had just come from speaking with one of the medical directors in the building who was not anyway associated or knew Karina well. He knew he needed to tell Karina exactly what he was thinking – planning. Steve, of course, didn't object, but Bucky could read it in his friend's eyes that he wanted to object to find some other way. Yet, Steve didn't as this was _his_ choice. Steve being the good man he was just nodded his head and accepted what he was planning to do. The only thing he did add was that he would have to break the news to Karina, which Bucky hadn't done. Now he was purposely delaying or more so avoiding telling her.

He already knew she would be upset. He knew like Steve she would censor herself as this was his choice. However, like how easily he was able to read Steve, he could read Karina even better.

He didn't like the thought that doing this was so uncertain and there wasn't exactly a time table. But it was something needed to be done for himself, for everyone, for her. And now as he looked at her tan skin near her shoulder that was forming a nice splotchy blue and yellow mark, it reinforced why it needed to be done.

"Is it bad?"

Bucky's eyes flicked from the forming bruise on her shoulder to Karina's emerald eyes looking at him concerned.

His cool vibranium phalanges left her skin as he stepped back from her with her lukewarm cold compress. He was being mindful not to accidently burst it opened in his flesh hand.

"This happened during your lessons with Natalia?" He questioned slowly and for some reason he couldn't really understand why a potent combination of anger and concern swam in his veins.

He watched as a slight frown marred with confusion took over her features. "Yeah, I took a hard… _landing_." She said slowly as she pinched her eyebrows together. "Are _you_ okay?"

He numbly nodded his head as he swiped a hand through his long hair that really needed a haircut before he broke away from her eye contact and looked at the compress in his hands. "I'm going to put this back in the freezer and see if there is some parsley you can rub on it."

He didn't give her a chance to reply before he darted out of her room and fast tracked it to the kitchen. And one person he didn't expect to be sitting at the kitchen counter sipping on a cup of coffee flipping through a folder was the former Soviet spy. She only flicked her green eyes to his form briefly as a sign of acknowledgment before returning to her readings.

Despite being in Wakanda, he and Natalia hadn't gone out of their way to talk despite her budding friendship with Karina. He knew it had to do with the fact she was a walking ghost from his past. She was one of the few people to have an encounter with him as The Winter Soldier and lived to tell the tale. He could recall back in DC after he shot her for the second time in the shoulder the fear in her eyes as he jumped on the car for the kill shot. If it wasn't for Steve, he knew she would have been another victim, another person's blood on his hands.

So now as they essentially lived amongst one another, he wasn't sure how to exactly approach anything with her. He of course apologized for shooting her twice and almost killing her back in Germany, but she only looked at him with her neutral blank expression and accepted his words with a nod. It was like it was water under the bridge.

He had placed the compress in the freezer feeling her discreet glances towards him when he heard the ceramic cup connect with the marble counter top and the shuffling of papers when Russian filtered his ears.

" _You taught her well_."

Bucky turned around and looked at the ginger leaning back in her seat eying him. He didn't say anything. Just stared blankly at the spy. She titled her head at him as she continued her thoughts, " _I know it hurts to think about the person you care about in precarious situations. But for someone like her being associated with us, it's vital to her survival."_

Bucky nodded his head as he understood perfectly and as much as he would like for Karina to find a life for herself outside of this world he was forced to live in, she was so infused in him he couldn't handle not knowing she was okay or alright. He wouldn't be able to handle knowing she wasn't somewhere with him in some capacity.

He watched Natasha stand up as she watched over by him near the sink and rinsed out her cup. " _You need to tell her what you plan on doing._ "

He looked at the spy with narrowed eyes wondering how in the hell she would know what he planned on doing considering only Steve and the medical personnel knew. But she was the spider and she knew how to hide perfectly well in small corners. " _I know_." He muttered strained in her native tongue. " _But if you know anything about Karina she can get passionate about things and it isn't fun to be on the receiving end of them_."

" _She's going to be upset that's a given, but she'll understand why you're doing it and respect your decision."_

She placed her mug in the dishwasher before she spoke again. Her words low, gentle, but serious. _"What we did at the hands of other, it won't ever go away. The screams sometimes they will be quiet, but to make things right, to avenge those who haunt us, who care for us, we can start by forgiving ourselves for things out of our control. You're never going to be able to live Barnes if you don't forgive yourself for something that was out of your hands no matter what you do_."


	17. Sharp Object

She knew something was up the minute he came into her room and asked her to cut his hair for him. She didn't need to pester him or casually mention the length of his hair for him to acknowledge that his hair was quite long. In fact, since they had been staying in Wakanda she hadn't paid much attention to his growing locks that now were a little bit longer than the first time she met him under Hydra's control. It wasn't that she minded the extra length he grew; it wasn't as if she had any business in the matter. She would notice he would always move the long tendrils out of his face as they clouded his vision. So she would assume the most logical thing to do would be to cut the brown locks. But now they were living in intense heat. As he stood in the doorway of her room leaning casually against the frame, she didn't question the peculiar request that was like pulling teeth with him. Instead, she motioned for him to enter her room.

He was sitting in a sleek metal vanity chair shirtless, with a towel flung across his shoulder, as she ran her hands through his damp locks with her fingers and a comb. Her scissors and clippers were on the marble countertop.

As she wove her fingers through his silk hair from where she stood behind him, she watched as his shoulders slightly relaxed with his eyes closed as he slightly leaned into the movement. For some reason, she found cutting his hair now seemed surprisingly intimate.

Karina believed maybe it was because it seemed he trusted her enough to have a sharp object near him. The closeness could also be felt from the proximity of their bodies. As she stood behind him, she could feel the heat his body emitted as if he was a furnace. Even with his height being reduced by sitting, to properly cut his hair, she still needed to brush up against his arms to reach certain areas.

The camaraderie could also be attributed to the fact they had come so far in their relationship. They had formed a bond that happened to be irreplaceable.

Yet, despite all of these thoughts that were running through her head as she parted his hair in sections to make an even cut to his luscious locks, she wasn't stupid. James was clearly trying to butter her up for something. He wouldn't just come out of the blue requesting her to cut his hair without some sort of reason.

She smelled bullshit when he gave her the generic answer that _he just wanted_ it cut. He could have at least supplied her with it was getting in the way of things or it was time for a change. Something had prompted this slight makeover. And before he left this room, he was going to tell her.

She was now standing in front of him; his eyes were still closed, as she ran her hands through the sides checking for any unevenness before she declared herself done. A part of her felt marginally guilty that she was jumping to some conclusion that he was lying to her or there was some alternative motive for him wanting something as simple as a haircut. But living with enhanced individuals – spies – she had become suspicious if someone decided to try a new flavor of coffee.

She swallowed her guilt as she opened her mouth and knew she would ruin the serene mood. "So _what_ really prompted you wanting to have a makeover? Got a hot date I don't know about?" She tried to sound casual even as she threw in a joke, but the accusation was prominent in her voice.

His eyes snapped open, blue and violent, and they stood wordlessly at one another. She raised her eyebrows motioning for him to spit it out, as despite being a highly lethal trained assassin living and being his friend for two years, his poker face had turned to shit when he wasn't actively trying to keep something from her. But nothing could have prepared her for what came out this very beautiful man's mouth.

"I'm going back under stasis." He stated slowly gauging her reaction with each word.

She couldn't hide how her body stiffened and her grip around the scissors tightened. She thought this was his version of an April's fool joke, but it wasn't April 1st and she knew he wouldn't joke around with something like this.

Her tongue darted out between her lips as she licked the dry flesh trying to find something to say, but her mind was blank. A million emotions had hit her like a tidal wave and she tried to focus on the fact no matter what she felt that this was _his_ choice. She needed to respect _his_ decision.

She had to draw her eyes away from his cool blue ones as she focused on the stray and discarded hair that surrounded his shoulders and littered her floor, reminding her of a busted pillow that lost its feathers. She felt like a deflated pillow in this moment.

"You do realize I have a sharp object in my hand?" She tried to joke, but it came out flat and low. But she knew he was serious as his smile came out tortured. Karina huffed as she placed the scissors down and ran a shaky hand through her hair and focused back on him, "When did you decide to do this?"

She knew she wasn't going to like what he was going to say as his flesh hand ran through his newly cut hair and his once relaxed shoulders became tense and rigid. "I've been thinking about it for a while and about a week ago I decided to go through with it."

Karina pursed her lips as she felt her heart begin pounding erratically and mostly she felt hurt by him. Not that he decided he needed to do this for whatever reason she had yet to ask, but she had a pretty good idea of why. But it was more of the fact not once had he expressed the thought of going under cryo to her. Not even through all the movies they watched, as they casually laid next to each other reading a book or her doing some homework, or better yet when he took her to that waterfall. She wasn't aware that her teeth had escaped their barrier of her lips as she became aware she was applying an awful amount of pressure to her bottom lip to the point she felt her teeth were on the brink of splitting it as James called out her name breaking her out of her musings.

"Can I ask why you are doing this?"

"What Hydra did to me is still in there and with what Zemo did and what anyone could do if they knew how to control me…" his shoulders deflated as he leaned back into her vanity chair. He shook his head as if he was trying to get rid of whatever thought had plagued his mind before he looked back up into her green eyes. "I can't stand the thought of hurting more people because of them. I can't stand the thought of hurting _you_."

Karina brought her fingers to her forehead as she rubbed it. She felt a headache rapidly building behind her eyes. She understood perfectly why Bucky felt the need to do this, but a part of her didn't agree with it. They lived in some skewed form of harmony for two years. Sure he had episodes, but she didn't see that any different that someone with severe PTSD. She believed talking about what haunted him was more help than being frozen because who knew how long it would be until the doctors here found something to make Hydra's triggers words for him inactive. She didn't think he needed to be frozen for them to break the programming. And the last thing she wanted to do was start some form of argument over something that was his choice. Instead, she took a deep calming breath before she looked back at him where he was watching her guardedly. "When are you going under?"

"On Friday." He answered delicately.

It was Tuesday.

She felt as if she had been punch in the gut by his own metal arm as she digested his words. Her throat felt tight and she looked at him with blatant hurt. She thought maybe he was going under in a week or two. Something to prepare everyone else, like her for this decision. But not three days.

She didn't even bother trying to finish the conversation instead she distracted herself by cleaning the hair that was scattered across her floor.

Hurt ran through her veins, but she felt something worse as the building behind her eyes increased before a loud broken sob escaped her lips that she immediately tried to cover with her hands. But no one needed enhanced hearing to hear her anguish. She ignored him as he tried to catch her attention. But all she could do was focus on the emotion that bubbling in her gut. She felt _betrayed_.

She felt betrayed that he would just throw this on her after everything they went through. If anything she thought they were good friends that were tiptoeing onto something even she could admit that, but something was always in the way like he needed to focus on him and finding who Bucky was. And not in a fucking cryotube.

But what hurt worse was why she felt betrayed that one emotion that had been fed with their every interaction that she tried to ignore. Something that she was denying to herself with every word – touch – shared between them.

"Were you ever going to tell me about my dad?" She looked up at him and saw the truth in his eyes. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"I was…he worked on my arm. But he betrayed Hydra somehow. I was sent to kill him and he killed himself."

She looked at him in disbelief, "And you couldn't tell me that?"

His mouth went into a straight line and times like these she really wondered what went through his head.

It wasn't until she felt his cool metal appendage on her arm where she recoiled violently from him. "Don't touch me."

She knew it was an overreaction as she caught wounded look that took resident on his face. But she didn't care as she tried to hide the reluctant tears that were falling from her grieving eyes. She felt stupid for even crying, but she didn't care. She was only human. She was a simple weak human whose life was ruined because of fucking Hydra before she was even born.

She refused to look at him as she had taken refuge on her floor, his discarded hair covering her, as he stood in defeat. The silence was deafening between them.

"Karina, please, don't do this. Don't shut me out." His voice was broken and it reminded her of how it usually was after a particularly bad night of sleep for him.

She snorted. She found it ironic he would say this when he kept his own plan from her. "I don't have anything to say, _Bucky_."

"Just say something _. Anything_." He pleaded.

Karina looked up at him with watery eyes and her flushed face. The words escaped her lips before she could even process them herself or the fact she said them. "Like what, I _don't_ love you."

She didn't give him a chance to respond as she escaped to her bathroom locking herself in there.

* * *

 

After the anticipated disaster of a conversation he had with Karina, Bucky found himself outside of the groups quarters sitting on the floor of the balcony near the edge.

He knew the conversation wasn't going to go well, but he didn't exactly expect it to go the turn it went. As much as he denied it within himself about his role – place – in Karina's life, he knew he was something like she was something to him. Their flirty banter aside, it was obvious they had something that Bucky knew for sure he would never get with someone else considering his history.

Yet, to hear the words from her mouth even in a form of a fib, it made his chest tighten uncomfortably. He needed to keep reminding himself that part of why he was going back under was so he wouldn't hurt her again because someone wanted to use the programming in him for an nefarious advantage.

But then there were the other thoughts that slowly leaked into his mind. He knew life would go on without him. Steve and Karina would wait – he knew that – but they also wouldn't stop living their lives for him. He knew when he would wake again that life would be different in some ways. People would have change no matter how long he was under. Something could happen that would require Steve's assistance along as his team.

Karina would continue with the schooling that was being provided to her. She would most likely move on from him in many ways. And he wasn't going to be selfish and ask her to wait for him for an indefinite amount of time.

"Do you need to stand so close to the edge?"

Bucky's turned around to find Steve lingering in the doorway unsure if he was welcomed or not.

"Sorry," Bucky mumbled as he realized he was very close to the edge even with the barrier providing safety. Standing up he motioned for his friend to join him to sit on the chairs as he continued to look out into the afternoon sky. Surprisingly it seemed to be a rather cool day in Wakanda than he was becoming accustomed too.

"I take it the conversation didn't go well." Steve supplied after he didn't make any initiative to start a conversation.

Bucky glanced at his friend. A part of him wanted to tell Steve what exactly happened, but the other part just wanted to keep it to himself. To stew in the turmoil himself which he ultimately decided as instead he settled on something to help quell the nausea that was building in his stomach. "Just promise me you'll look out for her."

"Of course, Buck."

* * *

 

_**Friday** _

Karina watched wordlessly as the doctors prepped James for his cryonogically induced sleep. Since he revealed his plan on Tuesday things for the lack of better words it had indeed been frosty between them more from her side.

She knew that the days could have been spent better and even light hearted, but she was still hurt by his secrecy and the insufficient amount of time to even become adjusted to the news. So in her mood, she didn't act like anything was amiss between them, which technically she wouldn't have too anyways, as she focused on the assignments the scholars gave her and instead of usually doing her work in one of their respective beds while James usually tinkered with his tablet to read a book or play a game, she went to the library. She used any excuse to not have to be by him considering what was exactly said from her end. Maybe it was stupid of her to waste their few remaining days together as there wasn't a timetable in how long it would take to break the programming inside him. But the bed was already made.

She stood off to the side as Steve and James had a moment of privacy as the doctors had finished going over the basics and letting James have his _goodbyes_ or _see you later_ as it sounded more optimistic.

She watched from the corner of her eyes as Steve embraced James in a hug and she couldn't help but frown. Here Steve, who just got his friend back, was losing him again slightly. She didn't even want to think of the emotional whirlpool Steve was going through from not only waking up from being frozen from ice himself but then finding out his presumed dead best friend was well alive in enemy hands who was ordered to kill him, but now he had the fallout between him and Tony, the death of Peggy Carter, and now figuring out who Steve Rogers was since she noticed the absence of a circular object.

They parted with James giving him a somber smile as Steve stepped away giving her the room with him.

She didn't know what to say and it seemed neither did he. Instead, she tried to remember every detail about him. From his blue grey eyes that looked finally at a precipice of some form of peace. She memorized the stubble that decorated his sharp jaw done to the dark pink shade of his lips. She took note of his tan skin and the elegantly brutal metal prosthetic left arm and even with the muscle tee and the remaining scar tissue they try to rectify to the best of their ability when they replaced his arm. And to keep her thoughts innocent she decided not to frustrate herself memorizing the contour his muscles provided. Instead she thought about how warm his skin was. And his soothing heartbeat against her ear and the sound of his voice – his laughter. How he looked at her, she would miss.

She found her arms wrapping around him at his neck as his enclosed around her waist. She wasn't going to cry as she inhaled his scent that was made of fresh linen and a fraction of metal. She didn't know how long they were embracing each other before she forced herself to pull away. Her small hands caressed his stubbled cheek which he leaned into. Leaning forward, she pressed a soft earnest promising kiss to his soft lips conveying to him that she would wait for him. She may be pissed at him for this decision, but she respected his decision. But she would be there when he woke up. But she would be there. She and Steve would be there.

They would be there because they loved him.

She loved him.

She was in love with him.


	18. Week One

Karina wondered if this was what a break up felt like. Depending on the break up, sometimes it was one- sided. Someone wasn't happy, or the relationship wasn't working out. Of course, she wasn't exactly in that situation, not even close. She thought this situation could be labeled as "it's not you, it's me" and the most poignant factor was her and James was not even in a relationship. Yet, if she was, the feelings were definitely the same.

As she laid in her queen sized bed wrapped in the silky sheets, miserable. Was she being dramatic? A part of her most certainly agreed, but the other half felt it was justified.

She of course respected James decision in wanting to get rid of what Hydra put in him. It was logical and it needed to be done to help further his recovery. But doing it frozen, she didn't find it very pragmatic. She believed he needed to do therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, to be exact. She knew Hydra and his time under their control was – is – the most haunting horror he had to live with. But he still needed to cope with the dormant issues from being in World War II. The fact he wasn't dead as history – Steve – believed for 70 years and everything – everyone – he knew was gone. He needed help adjusting back into society more than she could have offered him back in Romania.

It wasn't like he didn't cope in those two years in Romania. She thought considering everything, he functioned pretty well. But how they lived in Romania wasn't exactly living. Sure he had a job and an apartment. But they were still in hiding. He still lived in fear of a task force breaking down his door. The way he arranged his apartment and calculated all the necessary steps to escape attested to that.

She wanted to respect his decision – choice – in going back under. She really did. Just being frozen halted any progress he could be making about his emotional and mental state about exactly what Hydra put him through. Sure, the programming they put in him needed to be deactivated permanently in some way, but she thought how he felt about it was more important.

However, she could admit the biggest thing that gnawed at her was there wasn't any time table. They didn't know how long he would be under until they fixed his mind, essentially in regards to the trigger words. She would wait for him. She would. But the rational part of her knew that there would come a point that she would need to move on from him.

She would never give up trying to help the doctors. She wasn't cruel and callous even though she had been avoiding going below ground to visit him. There would come a time that it was inevitable.

Living here in Wakanda, she didn't expect a fancy life in a sense. She was a fugitive among the rest of Steve's friends. She knew T'Challa would try and give them the best life he could in his country, but there were risks and always someone wanting to come after the former Avengers and whoever knew about James' existence. She wasn't expecting to fall in love or anything of that nature, but she knew there would come a point she would need to accept his choice. She would need to cherish the moments they had instead of what could have been.

Karina rolled over and buried her face in her cool pillow. She desperately wanted to go back to sleep to stop her brain from thinking. But she had homework. At least, that would be distracting.

Decked in a pair of her baggiest grey sweats, she overlooked that she believed they were James', and a black wife beater, she made her down to the kitchen for something to fill her growling stomach.

Stepping into the pristine kitchen, she found Scott with a plate of orange slices placed in front of him.

He smiled showcasing an orange wedge that was covering his teeth like a mouth guard.

"Morning," she greeted as she opened the refrigerator for the chocolate milk.

Scott popped out the orange wedge after he sucked out the juices. "Morning. How are you _not_ feeling today?"

Karina let out a snort at Scott's inquiry. She poured her glass dangerously close to the edge and placed the carton back inside the refrigerator before looking at the reformed cat burglar. Despite his sunny deposition she knew Scott was missing his daughter and girlfriend. She suspected Steve was trying to find a way for Scott to at least communicate with his loved ones that didn't jeopardize their safety or even all of them in Wakanda. Karina was already wondering how long exactly Scott and even Natasha and Clint were going to be guests here in Wakanda. She had been suspected that Natasha and Clint were setting up covers to live out of Wakanda.

"Effervescent," Karina replied as she took a sip of her cold and thick chocolate milk.

Scott raised his dark eyebrows as his hands scratched the scruff he was growing, "Word of the day?"

"I'm expanding my vocabulary." Karina quipped. "You have breakfast yet?"

Scott didn't respond but instead motioned to his legion of orange slices. The tired ebony Brighton Native raised an unimpressed eyebrow as she placed her cup of milk on the countertop. "Okay, well I was thinking of making cheesy scramble eggs, cheesy potatoes, and sausage and bacon. Maybe even a side of biscuits. Is anyone else up?"

"Yeah, about that."

"What?" Karina asked the worry in her voice made her voice rise a few octaves.

"Oh it's nothing," Scott amended. "Steve just went back to Siberia to apprehend anything related to Bucky."

"Oh," Karina responded desolately. She wasn't really shocked as he had mentioned he wanted to go back but depending on what Tony told Ross the place was probably heavily guarded.

"But eggs and the cheesy potatoes sound great." Scott added in an obvious change of conversation.

Karina smiled tightly before going to grab the materials she needed to make their meal. "You know you should watch it eating all those oranges. You might start getting cramps or diarrhea."

Scott snapped his fingers in the air, "Shame that was what I was going for."

Karina shook her head before a frown took over, "How about I make cheesy potatoes for dinner and make grits instead?"

"You're the boss."

Karina spent most of her day with Scott, besides leaving for a while to work on a paper. They watched some TV shows, played some card games, and Scott stuffed his face with some of the Russian dishes Anya taught her. Scott was in the middle of eating her Chak-Chak along with a baked apple when everyone returned back from their mission.

No one looked worse for wear as there were no visible injuries on their bodies. She watched silently as Steve carried a massive box with the Hydra logo stamped on the side in his arms while Sam followed behind him with a dolly that contained more boxes followed by Wanda using her red energy to carry even more boxes. Natasha and Clint came after. Clint made a beeline to the kitchen where she and Scott were watching wordlessly while Natasha looked solemn in the direction of where Steve had headed before she followed Clint into the kitchen.

Karina wanted to ask how everything went. She had a good inkling how exactly it did go, but she wasn't really a part of the team and she didn't want to seem nosey.

Instead she slapped Clint's hand that was trying to steal food from Scott's plate that earned her a playful glare while she offered to make them all a plate.

After serving the team the rest of the pork chops and cheesy potatoes she made for herself and Scott and listening to Sam's playful moaning how Scott was the recipient of her cooking for the whole day, she excused herself from the dining room with a warm plate of food for the one person who hadn't made an appearance.

Walking back into a spare room that was more of a lounge that James and Steve usually found reprieve, she found the door slightly ajar with the light shining through. She could hear the soft movement of pages turning. She knocked on the door lightly where he lightly beckoned her to come in. She found the first super soldier at a table surrounded by many boxes and folders with his nose buried deep already in one.

She held up the plate in her hand and was the recipient of a small, but grateful smile.

Much to his protest, she walked to him placing the plate in front of him as she handed him his eating utensils.

Since James went under a few days ago, she and Steve hadn't really been in the same room. And to her it felt awkward now as their only source of bonding was below them _sleeping._ It wasn't until then that she realized she never really talked to Steve. Sure, they had small talks here and there. Mostly about small things James did or the occasional conversation of how she was adjusting, but it never moved beyond that. Here he was doing something to help his friend while she was still moping about his decision.

"Seems like a successful mission," Karina supplied delicately.

Steve looked around all the boxes taking his eyes off his meal, "Won't really know until I read through them all. I'm almost grateful Ross didn't seem all that concern with the deserted Hydra base."

Karina noticed he couldn't even hide the slight distain in his voice when mentioned the Secretary of State.

"Thank God for small favors, right?"

Steve's lips quirked up lightly at her words. "We'll help him, Karina. It may take a while, but we'll figure it out."

 _Eternally optimistic_ came to the forefront of Karina's mind, but instead of hearing her own voice she heard the steady low voice of James when on the rare occasion he told her about Steve.

"You're a good friend, Steve." Karina said somberly.

"I think the jury's out on that one."

Karina pursed her lips as she knew he was referring to what happened between him and Tony. Karina knew she couldn't comment on the situation considering her bias and she didn't know the relationship between Steve and Tony prior to all this.

Instead she placed a comforting hand on his broad shoulders before she left him to eat his dinner in peace, but not before stealthy swiping a few folders that were on top of a box by the door.

* * *

 

Karina found herself running around the track inside the gym when Sam Wilson entered the gym and wordlessly became her running partner for the next 3 miles. She stopped after two, but sat on the sidelines nursing her water bottle while she watched Sam perform his daily cardio.

Once he was finished the former paratrooper with a sweat ring around his neck came sat down next to her.

"You know this was how I met Steve. We ran the same running trail and I watched as he ran like 14 miles in 30 minutes."

"And now you're here." She supplied as she wrapped her arms around her knees. "Do you regret it?"

Sam looked at her incredulous, "Hell no." Karina shook her head at him as he winked at her before his voice became serious. "But it's not easy, especially now, but I know Cap just wants to do what's right protect the little guys so to speak. But working with Steve, I mean I know I'm just human with good reflexes and looks, but knowing I possibly made a difference in someone's life…it makes everything worth it. Besides knowing him definitely helps with the ladies." Karina rolled her eyes at his words. He bumped his shoulder against hers. "What about you in Romania with Bucky, you regret it?"

"No, never." Karina shook her head vehemently. "It's just I knew this day would come. I thought we would honestly be fine in Bucharest. Besides, the nightmares and mood swings, he was functioning." They were happy in their own little bubble. Karina focused on her empty water bottle as she avoided Sam's brown intense gaze, "I don't know I'm angry at myself for thinking we could be normal or something."

"There is nothing wrong with wanting that with Bucky," Sam pointed out. "Realistically, of course, with the resources King T'Challa, he should be receiving proper treatment for his PTSD, but there is nothing wrong with wanting a life with Bucky."

Karina took a deep breath as her lungs and heart was starting to fill heavy. "This isn't a life. There is always going to be something Sam."

"But at least you'll have him. You would be with him."

"Will I?"

Karina watched as the sun set in Wakanda. She watched the transformation of the blue sky gradually became darker before the hues became a rainbow of orange, purple, and pink. She was sitting on the balcony outside in the patio furniture where she deliberately sat where no one could see her from the windows in the living room.

She was glad the week was about to be over as she looked forward to not having any sessions since it was the weekend. She was slightly regretting accepting the offer to gain some semblance of a degree in bioengineering and cybernetics as she forgot how much she didn't really like school. But schooling took up her mind and time and she wasn't going to complain about the top notch education she was receiving. And it was a good excuse why she had yet to open the folders she swiped from the haul of information Steve took from Siberia.

She didn't know why she was delaying the inevitable. It wasn't as if she wasn't aware of James' history under Hydra's control. She knew whatever was in there wasn't going to be pretty as she was already exposed to the harsh treatment he received. But seeing and reading were different and there were things she didn't know and she wasn't sure if she wanted to.

* * *

 

She was watching the sun descend lower when she heard the sliding door shut and out came Steve with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry to interrupt."

Karina shrugged her shoulders, "It's a public domain."

Steve took a seat in the lawn chair next to her and he briefly analyzed the sun setting and in Karina's mind she knew he would eventually draw his own version of this before he turned towards her.

"Something wrong?" Karina questioned as she sat up straighter in the chair.

"No, everything is okay. Just I got you something."

Karina frowned as she didn't know what Captain America could possibly want to give her as she was most certainly sure it wasn't her birthday.

"Is it Christmas already?" She joked.

His full lips pulled into a smile, "I don't think they celebrate that over here."

She watched as he pulled a small black flip phone out of his pocket – a burner – with a piece of paper.

She gently took the items genuinely confused as he explained. "Even though this is a burner, I would still use caution as I don't know how severe the monitoring of your family has, but as you are aware I met Anya and I know you two haven't spoken in a while. So I sent her a burner and this is the number for it, so you two can talk."

Karina looked up at Steve with her eyes becoming watery at the gesture before she engulfed the Super Soldier in a tight hug not even caring if she got his shirt all wet.


	19. Tomorrow

_**Two Weeks Later** _

Karina could say since Steve gifted her the burner phone her mood regarding some things has improved drastically. She didn't know how much she needed to hear Anya's thick Russian accent and soothing words for her to know everything was a semblance of okay. That her family was okay. They missed her, but they were alright knowing she was somewhere safe. Although, Anya did give a lengthy monologue regarding the events in Bucharest regarding her arrest not only once, but twice. And she was slightly worried about her involvement with enhanced individuals. Yet she was glad Anya didn't want the first phone call to be about how exactly she got exactly where she was or even James. They focused on hearing each other's voices and Anya just updated her on the shop and family. Reluctantly, as Anya confirmed there were some newcomers in the area that they would limit their phone calls to once a month.

And since Karina didn't know how exactly to show Steve her gratitude for his gift, she ended up making a big Russian feast in thanks that was appreciated by him, and of course Sam who undoubtedly gained 20 pounds with all the food he ate.

Better yet, she had gotten over her pity feelings and began devouring the files Steve retrieved from Siberia. It was a lengthy process considering Steve didn't know how to read Russian very well and before Karina had formally offered her assistance he was using Natasha, a dictionary, apps, and now since she was familiar with the people in the tech ward a fancy translator that analyzed the page and translated it for him.

But what hindered them were some of the files were missing or they labeled them out of order – not all, but some, that they both deducted was intentional. But the good thing about Hydra when it came to James they were old school and only kept a paper trail of the details about his missions. Steve had divulged in the leaked Hydra files Black Widow released some were just labeled as a Hydra hit, only a handful explicitly labeled James as the assassin, but they were all famous and important people in the political world and enough ammunition for him to earn the title of terrorist and fugitive.

But despite the small dent in the pile they made, they didn't have an breaking discovery. The only thing that seemed useful was during the mission report of January 1 1956, where he was sent to Madripoor to assassinate British Ambassador Dalton Graines that sadly resulted in collateral damage of innocents being caught in the crossfire, they stated "the Asset had malfunctioned where he became erratic and violent and unresponsive and uncooperative". It didn't say how they reset him although both her and Steve knew in their guts how they probably did it. But the file was something.

Karina had her theory that this mission might have been the leading cause to them altering James' mind more frequently and using the trigger words to ensure complete compliance.

She knew Steve probably shared this theory with her.

As her and Steve got deeper in the files, and despite the grim and horrific files they were reading, they were forming some semblance of a friendship. Steve was easy to talk to or she felt he was glad there was somewhere he could talk about James without walking on eggshells so to speak considering she wasn't wary of James. She knew him, not the Winter Soldier that everyone was accustomed too. She could visibly see the relief that someone knew James as someone than what Hydra used him for.

It was palpable that Steve missed his friend. She knew he wouldn't say it aloud. It wasn't as if it was something that needed to be said or shouted for all to know. But he was struggling accepting his friend's choice, no matter how much he was trying to convince himself, he wanted James to get to live his life not frozen because of fucking Hydra.

But that lead into another topic that they hadn't breached.

She was well aware of the fact Steve would go down to medical bay and visit James every day. She had yet attempted to make the venture to see James _sleeping._

She could admit maybe she wasn't ready. She didn't really want to see him like that. But Steve was about as subtle as an elephant in suggesting she needed to go down there for herself. Like now.

Her eyes were becoming strained as she read over the barely legible notes written in Russian which she was severely questioning was indeed Russian when Steve broke the monotony.

"You know you should go down and visit him."

Karina looked up from the file she was reading to look at the 98 year old soldier who wasn't even trying to be subtle, "This again?"

He only shrugged his shoulders, before his blue eyes connected to her, "What do you have to lose?"

What did she exactly have to lose? Maybe the progress she made in the last two weeks in finally – reluctantly – accepting her lot in life when it came to James. Or maybe her sanity as she didn't know how it felt talking to an unconscious person as she was sure he wouldn't be able to hear her talking. It would feel to much like their time in the beginning where she would talk and he would respond with blank stares.

"There's always tomorrow."

Steve gave her a strained resigned smile. They both knew tomorrows were never guaranteed.

* * *

 

Steve watched a clearly exhausted Karina leave their makeshift workshop with concerned eyes. He didn't know too much about the former Georgetown graduate student, but from what he was learning he could see how and why she caught Bucky's eye.

She was stunningly beautiful with striking green eyes that were a few shades darker than Natasha. Even though his friend had a thing for redheads, Karina had luscious ebony hair that fell in nice beach waves. Besides the physical characteristics, she was smart. Steve reckoned she was at par with Tony and maybe even Bruce in their respective field. She could catch your attention with her looks, but she held your attention with her brain. It was the type of girl he always envisioned his friend eventually settling down with. Someone who would give Buck a run for his money and would be able to put up with him.

When Steve thought back to his life in the 40s and all the could haves and what ifs, he believed this was why his friend never settled down with the dames he used to see that left his parents disappointed in his single status. None of them were meant to work because Karina would have eventually entered his life. Steve knew it was a far stretch, but he believed the universe worked in funny ways sometimes.

"You're thinking hard."

Steve blinked his eyes and found Natasha leaning against the doorframe in a large white t-shirt, no doubt Clint's, and black yoga pants. It was slightly unsettling seeing Natasha in such casual clothes. It went against the public persona she created.

"What are you doing up this late?"

Natasha pushed herself off the frame as she entered the room, "I could ask you the same thing except I already know."

Steve pressed his lips in a thin line. Natasha in so many words had voiced her concern that him and Karina were working themselves into exhaustion and forming an unhealthy habit or obsession in pondering the files compulsively.

From his lack of response, Natasha sighed causing him to look at her unreadable stare and made a move to leave. "Go to bed, Steve. Don't want your eyes to go bad."

His lips quirked up a little at his friend, "You know she won't see him."

Natasha stopped and looked at him. "Do you _see_ him?"

She didn't allow him to respond as she simply left the room.

* * *

 

Karina was eating a bowl of cereal while Sam sat next to her as he read the news on his tablet. He was telling her about an article that claimed there was a sighting of Steve in Paris with a woman that couldn't be distinguish if it was Natasha or Wanda. This was somewhat of Sam's routine, he would read the news and look for any mention of anyone who was in Wakanda. She knew he was personally keeping a tally among the group. James had the most marks which she attributed more people were afraid of him.

"Hey, Kay, you and Buck are mentioned. Apparently you two are in Brazil just in time for the Olympics."

Karina side eyed Sam, "That isn't funny."

His lips quirked up, "Just reporting the news."

Karina rolled her eyes as she went back to eating her cereal. Both of their attention was taken by Steve passing them as he walked down the hallway who offered them a friendly wave while he went back to the lounge where Hydra's abandoned files were.

Karina chewed on her cereal with a furrowed brow as she heard the click of the doorknob echoed down the hall. She placed her spoon down before she spoke to Sam who was engulfed in the article he was reading, "Is it unhealthy what Steve and I are doing?"

Sam didn't take his eyes off the paper as he continued reading. "Only if you don't know when to stop."

* * *

 

" _So, how's the weather in Brazil?"_

Karina groaned at Anya's greeting as she must have been getting her news from the same source as Sam. Or she probably had her and James as a Google Alert.

"I wouldn't know, but I bet it can't compete with Africa's heat."

" _Mm, the photo is very grainy and obviously doctored. Doesn't do any of you justice. How is your man, by the way?"_

Karina sat on the edge of her bed with the phone clutched in her hand and couldn't help the sour look that took over her features, "He isn't my man."

" _You know better than to lie to me, kukla. You never talk about him. I haven't spoken to him. Why is that? Trouble in paradise?"_ Anya inquired.

"I wouldn't exactly call anything about this paradise," Karina muttered.

" _And I don't appreciate your lip. Now are you going to tell me or will I need to call Steve and ask him?"_

Karina sighed because she knew Anya would find a well to talk to the Super Soldier. "Well, to keep the story short, he is currently under cryo because the programming Hydra put in him is still there and they're trying to deactivate it."

" _And this has you out of sorts?"_

"There's no guaranteed it will work and I feel he will benefit from talking therapy." Karina replied.

" _Karina, you need to respect and accept his decision_."

"I am," Karina stated firmly.

" _Well to me, it seems you aren't. Have you been down to see him_?" Karina didn't answer her. _"He just wants to protect you, darling. He's from a time where it's ingrained in him and because he is a good man and now on top of his traumas…his greatest fear is hurting you. How can you be angry with him for that?"_

"I'm not angry."

" _Then why haven't you gone to see him?"_

* * *

 

The room was lowly lit. Despite everything being white, only one of the pristine objects stood out from the dark room. It looked stark and cold without the bustling of activity to make the room look lively. She stuffed her hands in her hoodie's pocket as she slowly trekked to her destination.

Tonight, she and Steve uncovered a document file that signaled the beginning of the cognitive re-calibration programming with the help of a Johann Fennhoff, an ally of Armin Zola. From the files, it was implicated that Zola knew while under the SSR's hold that James was found by Hydra operatives through the Soviets, and thus during his imprisonment had already been formulating some type of plan to turn Captain America's best friend into Hydra's greatest operative considering James had made a distinct impression from surviving his initial capture under Hydra.

It felt like they were getting closer to something. Karina believed they didn't keep the initial data regarding the Winter Soldier Program in that red notebook that was currently missing. She was still unsure how they were going to reverse the trigger words, but she guessed it was a good thing her focus wasn't in Psychology.

But after the findings, she departed from Steve and attempted some sleep which was unfruitful before she found her feet leading her down here. Down to the medical bay that was secured by steel doors probably laced with a vibranium coating.

She stood several feet from the enclosure. It reminded her of an item on display at a museum. It was stark compared to everything else in the room.

Stepping forward, she placed her hand lightly on the cool glass – it felt like ice – but she immediately removed her hand as the monitors were registering a change in pressure and the last thing she needed were guards coming in on this moment. She placed her hands back in her pockets. There was a stool placed on the right side no doubt from Steve's doing. She was tempted to sit, but her gut told her the visit wouldn't last long.

She knew it wouldn't as she finally looked at James.

He looked angelical in his all white outfit. He finally looked like he had some peace. There was no furrow in his brows. His lips weren't pressed in a thin lie that contained a horror he would never share. If anything it seemed like he was smirking.

"You're such an asshole."

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kukla means babydoll in Russian.


	20. The Visits

The only reason Karina found herself back down in the medical bay so soon and consistently was because she believed in never going to bed angry with someone. It was advice she heard Anya dish out to many couples and to her own children as they began relationships. It had nothing to do with Steve's knowing look when she emerged early in the morning when she realized that she had been talking – rambling – and staring at James.

She would never admit it to Steve that she found some comfort or therapeutic in talking with James even if it was one sided. At least, he was somewhere safe and close by. The walk to his quarters was a 30 second, at most, elevator ride. James had a say in his current predicament. It was his choice.

But she still stood by what she called him earlier. She firmly stood by it. He in her opinion was the textbook definition of it. He was an asshole until he woke up and she could see his steel blue eyes.

Since she began visiting him, she made it a point to come at the times the doctors were in and tried to break the programming, she learned they were making some progress. Apparently, Hydra was extremely proactive with James. The doctors revealed as they got deeper in his mind they had him wired like a computer program, where in plain technical terms, there was a firewall to block anyone trying to compromise it or rewrite the commands.

Karina believed that even if they were able to find the part of his brain to override the trigger words, in a sense, when he woke up there was still going to be a lot of work to do. He would still need a lot of therapy that could be making this progress easier if he wasn't in an induced sleep.

However, now, they had the room to themselves.

She was speaking in a mixture of Russian, Romanian, and English to a glass fucking tube where she suspected he didn't even hear anything she was saying. It wasn't as if he had any brain _activity_. But she spoke anyway. Revealed bits and pieces of how life was moving on without him functioning – living – in it.

She told him how she had been suspected that Clint and Natasha were planning to move out of the compound any day. They had the skills and resources to find and maintain sanctuary unlike someone as her. Plus sadly with two people out of the area, if anything happened it wouldn't have T'Challa in deeper water if it was discovered he was housing all of them.

Scott was becoming increasingly homesick. Sam and he had become close considering the circumstance, but Scott was missing his daughter. And there wasn't exactly a sure fire way to get Scott back to the States without a task force breaking down his door wanting the whereabouts of Clint, Sam, James and Steve, or Wanda. And knowing he wouldn't say anything it would land him back to the Raft.

Sam had turned into her workout buddy as she joined him in his daily morning run throughout a safe path in Wakanda where Steve would join occasionally, meaning he would do like 15 laps in while they barely finished their 2nd.

She informed James that Wanda was practically her best friend. When she wasn't talking to him or reading Hydra files, she was usually with Wanda exploring Wakanda.

It was simple mundane things that even back in Romania he always seemed interested in.

Like now, she was complaining how her sore quads as she switched position in the chair she was sitting in. She had brought a better stool to sit in that actually had a cushion. She didn't understand how Steve sat down here for an hour in the hard back breaking and butt aching chair. She replaced it with a chair she took from James' room. It wasn't as if he would need it anytime soon. And Steve seemed to appreciate the new furniture.

"You know James, by time you wake up my ass will be as flat as a teacher's." She pointed out as she brought her feet up onto the seat and placed her chin on her jean clad knees and began picking at the thread.

She wasn't even referring to the fact that her and Steve sat in chairs hours upon hours trying to find something to help the doctors with. They had read piles of Russian documents where the doctors didn't even consider James a person, but a weapon – an object – to use at their every will.

"I'll be gaining a lot of weight while you're here looking perfect." She muttered before venturing upstairs to go sit in another chair in a different room. Yeah, he was an asshole.

* * *

 

The room had been set in silence as Karina and Steve read through the files from Siberia. Karina kept her opinion to herself that all these documents were a dead end. They were important, no doubt, because it seemed James had been ordered to make a lot of deaths accidents or he framed someone else. The real important documents that detailed the training, not just some random file on him "malfunctioning", but the actual transformation from James to The Winter Soldier weren't in the boxes. It was if someone deliberately had taken those files or more importantly it was in that red fucking notebook.

Karina closed the file was that making her eyes blurry as she looked over at Steve. His face was pinched in concentration as he sat stoic in his chair. She knew he probably felt her green eyes on his muscular, but tired form.

For the past two days, Steve had remained aloof – quiet.

She knew it had to do with the hushed clipped words that were exchanged between him and Sam. Sam had confronted him about potentially burning himself out trying to find some breakthrough that would help James come out of cryo sooner. But it wasn't as if they had a tentative date for James to even emerge from cryo anyways.

Karina didn't voice her opinion on the matter considering she was working along with Steve. She did find Steve sometimes could become brash with a tint of defensiveness and when Sam tried to bring her into the discussion Steve's slight glare kept her lips sealed tight. It wasn't coming out of an irrational mindset. She knew Steve didn't lose all common sense or became totally emotionally compromised with it came to James. But as they delved deeper into the files finding nothing, the exhaustion – the reality – there might not be anything there was becoming evident in his posture.

She could agree with Sam he might be wearing himself out. It wasn't like he had an exact mission he could work on between this. James was his mission and he was wearing himself thin, if that was even possible for someone like Steve Rogers.

His blonde hair was getting longer and was unkempt and his eyes had slight bruising underneath them. He also had a bruise on his cheek, curtesy of Natasha whom he sparred with earlier in the day.

Taking a deep breath, her gaze flickered off him to the stack of video tapes which caused her to do a double take as she realized one of the casings were empty.

"You watched a video?"

Steve looked up from the document he was scrutinizing and flicked to the objects she was referencing too before his blue eyes landed back onto her.

"Some of it. I couldn't finish the rest." He stated simply.

Karina knew what the video tape contained.

Her jaw clenched and her eyes focused on the white ceiling above them as she willed her mind to not focus on DC where she saw for the first and only time exactly how they reset their Asset. Some nights she still had nightmares of James screaming, the confusion that masked his face as he remembered Steve, and afterwards when the machine did his job. How the chair made him back into the Winter Soldier that held no recognition of her even though minutes before his metal hand were seconds away from crushing her throat.

She felt the tears building in her eyes before she glanced at Steve, "He remembered you."

Steve's brows furrowed slightly before dawning set upon him and a wistful smile was directed her way, "Rumlow told me that…you were there?"

Karina nodded her head, but held up her index finger. "Just the once. He came back all confused from the highway incident, almost killed me, then Pierce came back tried to be paternal to him – appeal to him – before James kept insisting that he knew you before they wiped him."

Steve didn't say anything at first. His jaw clenched and he got a faraway look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, you had to see that."

Karina shrugged her shoulders before she clutched the dog tags around her neck, "It is what it is. I know it was horrible, but I feel if I hadn't been there to witness it, James and I wouldn't have the bond we have today."

* * *

 

Two hours later, she was back down in the lab and stared one of the most feared men in the world. Karina abandoned the chair as she stared at James. A scowl pressed hard in her face as anger bubbled up inside her.

"You're here fucking sleeping while Steve and I try to find some cure for you. It's not fair and I miss that fucking turtle you got me at the carnival."


	21. Stuff and Things

Karina watched silently, as she sat on a yoga mat, as Wanda weaved around 100 pound weights with her red web of energy.

Karina was purposefully being quiet as she observed Wanda concentrate on the tasks before her. Wanda, however, was trying to initiate conversation as she wanted to be able to multitask and master her skills.

Karina realized her friend had set very high standards to herself. Wanda seemed to forget that she wasn't born with the powers that were given to her. Learning to master something was going to take time and patience. She knew the brunette witch was still being hard on herself for the incident in Lagos. She still carried the weight of the guilt of the collateral damage of the bomb Rumlow set off that caused civilian causalities. And she could understand Wanda's guilt as everyone in the world was calling her a weapon of mass destruction as if she wasn't just a simple human being.

Karina, knowing what she saw on the news, could see the argument that if someone like Wanda was going on missions maybe she needed to be a little more skilled – confident – with her abilities.

However, she did not blame Wanda for the deaths of those innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. Rumlow was going to detonate that bomb from the start and if she hadn't been there the fatalities would have been much higher. She knew that for a fact. It was a fact of the situation and the damage was going to be a lot worse of Wanda or any of the Avengers weren't there. Rumlow had a biological weapon and Karina was sure that they didn't even know who the buyer even was.

However, like most things in life – especially with the Avengers- everything was shaded in grey. Arguments could be made on both sides and there would never be an agreeable conclusion that would satisfy everyone for the most part. Nonetheless Karina believed they needed people like the Avengers to help fight battles that ordinary humans weren't equipped to deal with.

This was why Karina never took an interest into politics. It was messy and people always had their own agenda, which usually had to do with filling their pockets. Plus with her unwanted entanglements with Hydra she was fine with not dealing with anymore politicians.

Some days, Karina missed the days where she needed to read 200 page chapters for classes in a two day span and write a paper on what she read, while simultaneously working in a lab and an actual job.

She wasn't going to complain about her lot in life when people were far off worse than her and she was on a first name basis and friends with people who were former Avengers.

As she mulled in her thoughts, with her empty water bottle in her hand, she watched Wanda's energy seep out into other objects as she formed shields and various structures. She knew Wanda's main concern was being able to handle a large amount of stimuli. When Karina thought about the potential of Wanda's power, it did slightly scare her. It wasn't for fear of Wanda, but for her. The responsibility of that power was something she couldn't ever imagine living with and she would never want that burden. Despite Karina never being one for church, she prayed for Wanda as she did every night for Bucky and all of them in Wakanda.

Looking at her container, Karina slowly brought it up and threw it in Wanda's direction. The bottle had reached a little to the half way point before it was encased in red webbing. Karina did notice some of the weights Wanda was levitating faltered as she became aware of the water bottle.

The water bottle came back to her, as Wanda gently placed the items she was manipulating back on the ground, with a frustrated growl.

Karina stayed silent as Wanda looked down at her hands where a red ball was dancing between her fingers before it vanished, like a flame was being smothered.

"All it took was a harmless water bottle to break my concentration." The witch muttered despondently before she took a seat next to Karina.

"Rome didn't get built in a day, Wanda." Karina appeased.

"Yeah, but it fell in only hours." Wanda muttered bitterly back.

"Wanda –" Karina began and she wondered if Steve and the rest of the group being gone on a mission had anything to do with Wanda's thoughts and mood. She didn't get to finish her words as Wanda interrupted.

"No, maybe there is a point to what the government, the media, are saying. I am a weapon of mass destruction."

"No, you're not." Karina stated firmly. "You're a person. You shouldn't talk like that. You won't be able to accomplish anything Wanda if you don't have the confidence."

Wanda pursed her lips at her as if she was going to say more on the subject, but decided to drop it. "How do you think they are doing?"

Karina shrugged her shoulders. The group was gone as they had found a lead on an abandoned Hydra warehouse that belonged to Karpov, James' former handler. It seemed like a quick and easy mission, but then again they were going in Hydra's territory and Hydra's followers and operatives were like cockroaches. Knowing that someone probably succeeded in gaining control, albeit temporarily over their top and beloved Asset, and broke up the Avengers were all the crumbs they needed into trying to build their ant hill of power.

Karina bumped her shoulder into Wanda's. "Maybe I would feel better if you were there."

Wanda released a small smile as she shook her head slightly. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, all things considered." Karina said delicately.

Wanda's smile faltered slightly. "I wish I could help."

Karina's brows furrowed confused. "What do you mean?"

"I can feel your sadness sometimes or mostly when you come back from your visits. I wish I could help both of you, especially Bucky."

Karina nodded her head at Wanda's words. Everyone wanted to help James, but they were at an impasse on how to exactly do that. Karina glanced at Wanda, who had discreetly used her powers to refill her water bottle. Karina's spine stiffened and she almost slapped herself in the face.

"Jesus Christ, Wanda, you're it!" She cried.

Wanda abruptly turned her head towards her, clearly expressing that she was lost and probably thought she was losing her mind.

Karina stood up and widely exclaimed in loud hand gestures what she meant. " _You_. Your powers. You have the ability to read people's mind and link with them. You could get in his mind and break the words." Karina looked at Wanda who didn't exactly have a joyous expression, but it was more pensive as she could tell the brunette was deep in thought. "I mean only if you're comfortable with that and James would have to be okay with you seeing everything in his mind." Karina added on because that was asking a lot of Wanda.

"It's…possible." The brunette said slowly as it was clear she was thinking hard on it. "I just wouldn't want to make anything worse."

Karina wanted to mutter what could be worse considering their standing and reputation with 119 countries. She also wanted to point out that what Wanda needed was to possess some confidence.

"We should talk to the doctors; first, as I'm sure they will want to test my abilities before anything." Wanda advised.

* * *

 

"So today I was eating a banana and I remembered the ghastly facial expression you held when we looked up the banana plague." Karina disclosed to James as she looked at his sleeping form.

She remembered that day vividly. He had been sitting at her small table in her kitchen as she was putting her purchases away from the Farmer's Market. She had purchased a large amount of fruit and vegetables considering her only friend had a very large appetite when he had grabbed a hand of bananas and his face pinched in disgust. She asked him if something were wrong with the yellow fruit when he questioned their weird taste. She, of course, had no idea of what he could have possibly been referring to as bananas always tasted like _bananas_. Even as he hastily unpeeled the mushy source of potassium and bit into it and she took a bite not knowing what was off behind the taste, she thought something was wrong. But it wasn't until he almost began peeling all her bananas that she interceded by saying she would "Google" it for him.

It was then she learned about the banana plague and she felt better that he wasn't losing his marbles over bananas.

After that she knew why he didn't stock his own pantry with the cheap fruit considering he hated the taste unless she made banana pudding with the cut slices and vanilla wafers.

"I actually made a large portion of banana pudding," she informed with a smile. "Not like you'll be able to have any though." She added bitterly with pursed lips as if lemon juice had invaded her taste buds.

Karina found herself becoming slightly more agitated with herself, the situation, and even the decorated Sergeant. As the days ticked by and with the doctors not being able to find a breakthrough in Hydra's programming, the frustration was growing.

She found herself venting to a glass chamber where nothing probably penetrated the glass giving him uninterrupted sleep.

Her green eyes analyzed his still body. His body resembling a deceased corpse, it was a stark contrast to her memory of him sleeping in the same bed as her. In bed, he was hot like a furnace and she knew it had to do with the serum in his body. And much to his insistence he didn't, he would occasionally snore through the night giving away how truly exhausted he was.

She missed the simplicity of Romania. Even with him being such a complex man, they had a functioning life together with one another.

She felt that boiling of anger in her chest. She felt abandoned slightly by him. She felt betrayed that he took this way out and left her and Steve to trek through the bloody trenches of Hydra to help him. But even through that sour feeling, she had to reconcile how much she had grown to love the former brainwashed assassin.

All she wanted was too see those violent – tortured – blue eyes alive and looking at her.

* * *

 

Karina was sitting outside on the balcony in a grey hoodie lounging on a chair as she stared vacantly at the terrain of Wakanda. She didn't even register the presence of Steve coming on the deck and taking a seat next to her until his hand had touched her shoulder causing her to jump in fright while cursing loudly in Russian.

Steve's hand retracted as if he had gotten to close to fire. Karina's hand went to her chest where her heart was thumping against loudly.

"Sorry, you were zoned out there. You okay?"

Karina took a deep calming breath as her heart tried to control itself, "Yeah, shit. When did you guys even get back?" Karina tilted her head back towards the living room where she saw Sam and Scott lounging on the couch talking still dressed in tactical gear. She focused her gaze back to Steve who was in similar attire yet when she focused on his face, it looked different to her. Instead of heavy bags and cloudy blue eyes, they were uncharacteristically bright.

"We got back about 10 minutes ago." He informed her.

Karina sat up straighter and looked at him pointedly. "Well?"

When he smiled – the smile she had seen highlighted in a million of those Captain America propaganda films and ads, she knew something had happened.

"We found a lot. It seemed Hydra didn't put all their eggs in one basket, so to speak."

Karina could have broken down in tears of relief that instant along with the cheek splitting grin that erupted on her cheeks.

"We'll get him out of there, Karina."

And Karina believed him.


	22. Wake Up Call

Nothing could have brought Karina down from cloud nine after Steve's news last night on top of his warm reception of Wanda aiding James recovery.

With Steve's recovery of important Hydra documents, he was dealing with the team supervising James' stasis. Since Wanda was hopefully going to be integrated into the recovery plan she was also with Steve. There was only the small voice in her head that knew James might not be too thrilled to be woken up early and having Wanda in his head. Karina decided to ignore that fact until it was time to deal with it.

Scott was still sleeping in his bed and his snoring could be heard behind the door. Natasha and Clint had stayed behind to do more spy _things_. Karina was slightly hurt by their abrupt absence but by Sam's cheeky grin she suspected the super elusive couple had something other than espionage on the agenda.

So that was how she found herself on the couch next to Sam playing Mario Kart on the Wii. She was playing as Koopa Troopa while Sam was Yoshi. They were on Rainbow Bridge, she vaguely wondered if she would ever meet Thor, in a close race of 1st and 2nd, she was millimeters behind Sam, when at the last second she threw a shell knocking him off the bridge that resulted in her victory. She bit her lip as she watched Sam's loud adverse reaction to her dirty move.

"I wonder where you learned this dirty tactic from." Sam muttered as he glared at the screen.

Karina snorted knowing who he was exactly referencing. She had already got the full story on why Sam had a hard time accepting defeat when it came to losing to James when his cart would be "tampered" with. He was still smarting from when James totaled his car on the freeway in Washington DC. He made it very loud and clear that he was still paying for the damages for that, but she believed it was horseshit. She believed being an Avenger paid very well.

"Have you ever thought I am just better than you," Karina drawled as she watched the animation of her turtle accept the #1 trophy in the game.

Sam threw an unamused glance, which certified him as the sore loser of the group, before he threw a pillow at her face never even giving her the chance to dodge it. It only made her erupted in hard belly laughs.

"What game do you want to play next?" He asked her as he got up to switch out the game.

"How about just Wii sports? We can play golf or I can kick your ass in bowling." She suggested with a waggle of her eyebrow while Sam rolled his eyes at her antic. Karina didn't want to brag, but she had the highest score in bowling and surprisingly with golf. Natasha came in second, but the ginger spy barely played the games. Not surprisingly Steve and Bucky were tied in boxing. Tennis was always in a state of flux between Clint and Scott who played that game more than the others. Wanda preferred Mario Kart over Wii sports, so she just watched in these tournaments.

"You're a cocky little thing."

"And you're a sassy little bird," Karina countered back.

Sam opened his mouth to retort, but he was interrupted by a loud blaring alarm that erupted through their living room and presumably the whole building. Karina jumped from her perch on the couch and had half the nerve to clamp her hands over her ears.

She heard Scott yelp in alarm from the noise. Then the whole building went dark, but as her eyes connected with Sam's dark orbs fear ran down her spine as goosebumps erupted over her body. T'Challa's palace was basically impenetrable. It was practically the safest place on her earth for all of them – for James.

With speed and grace, she didn't know she possessed, she jumped over the couch and ran towards their special elevator that would take her immediately down to James' quarters. She prayed that the thing still worked as taking the stairs would have her losing time she didn't have. In the haze of running to their exclusive elevator, her mind was questioning the basis of this invasion. She wasn't stupid. She hazily was connecting the dots that this was causality from the mission Steve and the others went to on yesterday.

The alarms were still blaring while the sleek elevator was encased in the emergency red and thankfully still worked. Her mind immediately wondered back to what happened in Berlin. Karina wasn't even sure if using the elevator was smart. Yet the 10 second trip was happening without interruptions. James' medical bay seemed undisturbed and she thanked the gods the smart lock still worked so she could gain access to his room. The alarms must have meant there was only a breach not a power outage. The steel enforced door slid opened while the automatic lights flickered on. She immediately made her way to find the light switch to manually keep the room encased in darkness besides the flashes of red that made the room look like it was dipped in blood.

She knew the door was coated with vibranium but the walls weren't as she stepped back to James' chamber where he laid asleep unaware of the peril that was surrounding him. She ran to his monitors looking to turn the cryostasis off when she jumped and accidently released a squeak when a large bang resonated in the room from a large object trying to penetrate the door.

It was blatantly obvious that whoever was in charge of attacking the base was here for James.

Karina tried to rack her brain for some sort of contingency plan the group had if they came under attack or really what she should be doing under a situation like this. Her self-defense could only get her so far. She knew even with rushing his thawing that it would take some time for James to become coherent from the abrupt awakening. She remembered distantly how he mentioned in passing how jarring and disorientating it was being woken up where he couldn't even walk. They had to drag him out of the chamber, but this wasn't Hydra and this awakening could be different for him. She knew she needed some diversion tactic if the men penetrated the room before James was conscious and able.

She watched as the ice fog lessened in James' chamber as the pounding outside the room increased in volume and she could hear shouting in from outside the room. Karina ran behind a pillar and crunched down and her hand slipped down into her boot and clutched James' Gerber Mark II he always insisted he have on her person.

She removed her gaze from the unthawing chamber back to the door where the pounding had seized. She could faintly hear voices discussing something in what she was able to decipher what she thought were Persian or even Hebrew.

The room was encased in silence besides the hum of machines that were reading James' vitals that were coming to life before the whole room shook as if an earthquake had erupted. Debris from the blast showered the room and over to where Karina was perched behind the pillar. She had clamped her mouth shut to prevent any noise of surprise and fear to leave her lips as the dust coated some of her body and airways. The blast had turned off the alarms sound system and only the flashing red was still going. It eerily reminded her of the setting at the CIA headquarters in Berlin where she had another encounter with James as the Winter Soldier and survived the whole ordeal. However, she wasn't a cat with nine lives.

Thanks to James and even Natasha's training she was able to distinguish two sets of footsteps entering the perimeter. By the deep baritone of their voices, she was able to decipher they were both male even before she seen them from the corner in their black tactical suit guns placed across their back and strapped to their thick thighs.

They were talking hurriedly amongst themselves and it was clear they were excited about the sight of the Winter Soldier before them, presumably at their will. She was thankful they seemed oblivious to the fact James was being woken from sleep.

The alarms were silent due to the effects of the blast. And due to the security of the place she couldn't hear anything from the upper floors. She watched silently as one man went to the monitors and bent down squinting at the words that were on the screen thankfully in Xhosa and the man released a noise of distress as it seemed he didn't understand the language. And where ever the men came from seemed to not want damage to come to James. She watched the man begin fumbling with his pockets while the other intruder admired James. She could see the pure joy being emitted from his body and eyes at the scene. A part of her was slightly curious as to why they would still even want James and even alive for that matter considering all that he knew that wasn't leaked. She surmised it was arrogance on their part and a part of her couldn't believe Hydra was still a thing or maybe they weren't Hydra. Maybe they just wanted to own James.

The one admiring his discovery was closer to her. With her knife gripped tightly in her sweaty palms, she kicked out her leg hitting the man in his peroneal nerve bringing him down with a loud yelp that drew his partner's attention. With having the element of surprise as her friend, she was easily able to stab the man in his carotid artery. She didn't think about the life she was taking. She didn't think about the warm blood seeping through the man's uniform and that was coating her blade. Her mission was to protect James.

Pulling the knife out, she stumbled backwards sleeping on the lake of blood as the other man stalked forward angrily shouting in his native tongue. Despite the fear that was in her veins, she remembered both her and James telling her to never cry, don't talk, and never scream. She remembered the pained look that came across James' face as he told her those three rules if she ever got caught up in something from him. Natasha was the one who told her about fear: _use it to your advantage and never underestimate how much you are scared_.

She knew her chances were slim considering she had no weapon besides her knife and the place was free of clutter or anything she could use to her advantage. Her heart was pounding hard against her chest as she looked at her opponent. This man had body mass and multiple guns strapped to his person.

The man had piercing brown orbs that looked black and a scar that cut into his right cheek, it gave him the illusion of a smirk, grabbed her foot which she evaded before she got her bearings and made her move to run. She had her speed and could give him some sort of a chase until she could run back to his dead associate and take a gun off him and stall until James was fully unthawed.

However, the man's gloved hand latched onto her black braid and she felt the strain on her roots as he brought her body flush against his. At this point, her mind and body were panicking. All the training she learned seemingly had evaporated especially as she blindly swung her hand with the knife that managed to nick him in his arm, sadly nowhere fatal, before he got the leverage and was trying to stab her in the throat.

Her arms were straining trying to fight his strength as the knife drew closer to her flesh. The man was laughing in her ear no doubt enjoying seeing her struggle against him.

It wasn't until the knife was steadily coming closer that she felt his hot rancid breath in her ear. His voice clear and in English, "Shame, the things I would do to this little body. The _Soldat_ has great taste I must admit. You might make me reconsider cold pecking even then a little blood never harmed anyone."

Karina brought her head back aiming for his infraorbital nerve. The blow had him stumbling back holding his nose that was leaking red as he cursed loudly from the pain promising to kill her slow.

Karina wobbled back hitting a wall. Her arms tried to steady her body as she clung to the wall. She tried to catch her breath, but her lungs – chest – felt heavy.

A broken cough escaped her lips and like a sneeze a spray of red disturbed the air. The remaining liquid dribbled down her lips and down her chin.

The man looked at her and laughed. He was no longer concerned about his bleeding nose.

Karina looked down. Her knife was protruding from her Tricuspid area. It was sticking out of her chest.

The man was hysterical now as he stalked towards her gloating how she was a stupid bitch. She expected him to pull the knife out which would surely kill her quickly.

Her eyes slid past his form to where James was still resting. The monitors' activity was becoming stronger. She watched silently as the chamber opened up along with James' eyes. She watched his nostrils flare from the assault of the burned building and dust and maybe even of the blood of the man that laid a few feet from his chamber. She saw the confusion color his eyes as he looked around the room before landing on her and her would be killer.

The man never saw him coming until James had already had him in a chokehold.

Karina didn't even blink as James snapped his neck like it was a twig.

He was in front of her in a flash. His metal limb seeming even colder as it cupped her cheeks and forced her to look at him.

She could see his mouth moving. _Asking_. _Talking_.

She could feel her shirt becoming damp with her warm blood. It was probably the shade of red like the star that used to decorate his shoulder.

Both of his hands were on her face forcing her to look at his cornflower eyes. He was demanding something, but her ears were ringing for some odd reason.

He was so beautiful, she thought in that moment.

A masterpiece ripped and singed at the edges, but still beautiful. So _devastatingly_ beautiful.

She opened her mouth to tell him something – anything, but a cough erupted from her throat spraying his chest and soiling his white muscle tee. She tried to apologize, but the blood was still seeping out her mouth. Her throat felt raw as if she had a cold. James was trying to _shh_ her.

If she were too die right now she wouldn't complain. She got her final wish of seeing his violent blue eyes one last time.

She smiled at him. Her teeth stained red. Her one hand touched his metal shoulder. Her other hand moved up to his face. Some of her blood, she thought it was hers, and the dust smeared on his cheeks. She felt the stubble and ghosted over his smooth lips. His lips were moving, but she could only hear the loud ringing in her ears.

She thought death would be painful, but it wasn't. It was slow. Quiet. And cold.

She could feel his warmth surrounding her before everything became black.


	23. Doll

Bucky stared vacantly at himself in the mirror in his new temporary living quarters. His eyes were dull and exhausted. His hair was greasy and the stubble on his chin was more prominent. At this point it wasn't even stubble; it was turning into the beginnings of a beard. He felt like the 99 year old man that he actually was and his appearance clearly reflected that. The artificial light surely wasn't helping at all.

The only reason he was in the bathroom, three days post his awakening back in the world, was due to the flakes of blood that looked that freckles on his skin.

He also smelled like something awful in the ill-fitting shirt that was handed to him on the first day. Steve, Wanda, and even Sam had urged him to go take care of his basic hygiene. He was reluctant considering all that had happened when he was abruptly woken up. The only reason he left his perch was due to Wanda promising him she would alert him if something happened.

As he securitized his appearance, his mind wondered back to the war. Back to his first initial capture by Hydra where he flirted on death's door just like Karina was doing now.

He didn't know particularly why he would think of that memory of all the ones he possessed. Maybe it was how his physical appearance mirrored, to a point, how he looked when he was rescued. Or maybe it was how he imagined how Steve felt seeing him strapped down to a table, thin, delirious, ratty, and on the brink of something that felt a lot like death.

Karina wasn't strapped down to a table or even delirious.

She wasn't anything but unconscious and close to death.

The monitors and the breathing tube were the only things that signified she was alive especially after she coded three times in a span of a few hours.

If he wasn't fully awake out of stasis then, he totally was at those moments.

Coming out of stasis usually was always disorientating. He could never walk afterwards. His legs were like jelly. After every awakening they always had to drag him out of the chamber into that goddamn chair. Even with his enhancements the cyro made him feel like an invalid. Just like an old rag doll.

Yet, when he awoke from his recent interment, he didn't feel the fatigue from his frozen bones and muscles. His mind was still a little foggy as his lungs remembered how to breathe and took in the situation around him.

Whatever he was possibly feeling never surfaced as he could smell the scent of blood and saw Karina staggering away from someone stalking towards her. His mind went straight to figuring out a strategy – to what was going on.

He felt he killed that operative too easily considering the bastard nicked her heart. On top of that when she fell back into the wall she made contact with a broken piece of debris from the wall that punctured her lung. He knew she wasn't aware of that injury. Waking up to that scene it was like his worst nightmare. He thought for sure he happened to be dreaming in stasis, but as he saw Karina's body rapidly become pale and her warm blood coating his body, he knew he wasn't dreaming.

But she was alive. She was going to wake up. When she did wake up, he could at least smell like fresh linen.

* * *

 

Bucky listened to the steady rhythm of the heart monitor.

He thought on what Steve told him on why the base was attacked.

Steve had found a lead on one of Hydra's old bases. Everyone besides Karina and Wanda had left to check out the base for something to fix the programming that was still inside him. Steve had already tried to insist that what happen was on him. He didn't make sure they were secured in traveling back to their safe heaven. But Bucky clearly had his own conclusion. Those operatives, who they concluded were just independent contractors, followed them back to Wakanda _for_ him. Steve had already told him to not go there with those thoughts, but it was the truth. Karina wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down her throat if she never met him. If he never existed, if he wasn't the Winter Soldier with a metal arm, she would be pursing her PhD. She would be helping people by providing new limbs for them. She would be happy with a man who could provide her a world free of pain and suffering.

"Buck." Bucky's tired, anxious, blue gaze connected with Steve's worried ones. "Stop."

Bucky scowled at his friend and he realized as he got deeper in his thoughts the plates in his arm were shifting. Steve and Wanda were rotating keeping vigil with him as they waited for Karina's body to recover from the trauma. Wanda even occasionally peeked into Karina's mind and revealed she was locked in a dream and out of respect for Karina; Wanda didn't try to break that barrier to get in.

He didn't necessarily mind their presence as he felt that in his absence Karina had formed some type of bond with Steve and Wanda. Which for some reason, he found a bubble of annoyance swell up within. He knew it wasn't jealously. But just annoyance. He was annoyed that he couldn't live his life without fearing he would hurt somebody – Karina – if they said the wrong word or he woke up disorientated from a nightmare.

Bucky turned his gaze back to Karina.

She looked pale. Paler than he had ever seen her before. It looked unnatural on her. There were light bruises underneath her eyes from the loss of blood. Her usually wavy hair looked dull in the side braid Wanda had put in. Then there was the clean hospital smell that had clung to her skin not like her vanilla chocolate scent or even her coconut body wash she had found in Wakanda.

She was still beautiful. She would always be beautiful even in the ill-fitting hospital gown.

With his flesh hand, he took ahold of her limp and stiff cool one. A grimace took over his face which Steve noticed.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked.

"I hate that she's so cold." Bucky hated it because he hated the cold. He was the only one who was supposed to endure any type of coldness. She was the one who kept him warm.

This winter seemed worse than the ones he endured in Siberia.

"None of this is your fault."

Bucky scoffed at his friend. "She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."

"So is it my fault you fell from that train and what Zola did to you?" Steve countered.

Bucky looked at Steve incredulous. "No – "

"Exactly" Steve said hotly interrupting him making Bucky clamp his lips shut, "so it isn't your fault what happened. Take responsibility for what you can control."

Bucky didn't get to respond as he felt Karina's hand twitch in his hold.

* * *

 

Karina's body felt heavy. Her chest felt tight.

"Karina."

She wanted to open her eyes, but it felt like weights were on her lids. And it was too comfortable keeping them close. Then it felt like she just did a heavy night of drinking as her body ached. Something felt off, but something cool was caressing her skin that soothed the ache that was emitting from her skin. It was followed by a warm touch that was equally relieving. But then she tried to breathe and she felt something lodged in her throat. That rang the internal alarm system that something was off with her body.

Her emerald eyes popped opened and her hands went to clutch the tube in her throat as she began choking. However, a metal and flesh hand intercepted and her frightened gaze clashed with cornflower ones.

"Karina, you're okay. Relax." James told her softy as he clutched both of her wrists with his metal limb and then ran his flesh hand across her forehead. Despite his words, she was steadily becoming more panicked as she tried to relax her throat as the urge to gag was too strong.

The door to her room opened and she saw a nurse come in and James immediately backed away as the nurse checked her vitals as they tried to calm her down and she believed they were going to add a sanative in her IV drip. However, it seemed them talking was counteractive as her hands went to rip out the tube and she felt her gag reflex trying to kick in to the point that she couldn't control.

James' face flooded her sight as his hands gripped hers that desperately wanted to rip the tube out.

" _Hey, I'm here. You need to relax_ ," he said in Russian in a calm voice as his thumb rubbed circles on her palms. " _Just stay calm and this will be over okay. I'll be right here holding your hand. Just let the doctors do their job."_

He stepped back while a doctor she wasn't familiar with stood where James just recently vacated. "Hello there, my name is Dr. Balewa and your nurse Zoya. Karina, I am going to explain everything once we get this tube out okay."

Karina gave a long wary look towards James who only nodded his head has subtly. She turned back to the doctor and gave her a shaky thumb up.

"When I say go take a deep breath and on the count of three I want you to blow as hard as you can when I pull this out."

Karina followed the instructions of the doctor as she pulled the tube out of her throat which felt strange that had her erupt in a coughing fit, which tugged on her chest that was sore, and it had James rubbing her back.

"Okay, here are some ice tips and you should keep the talking to a minimum." Dr. Balewa informed her as Zoya placed a pitcher and cup on her side table.

The doctor with a large file that held x-rays quickly began setting up the photos and Karina in her own curiosity wondering what happened internally felt James tense besides her. Zoya handed her a dry erase board with a marker.

"We're going to ask you a few questions to make sure you didn't suffer from any brain injuries okay?"

Karina nodded her head.

"What's your full name?"

" _Karina Orlov - Noskov."_

"When is your birthday?"

" _March 10_ _th_ _, 1992."_

"Who is the President?"

Karina hesitated and wrote her questions for clarification. _"Here or the US?"_

Dr. Balewa chuckled, "Both if you don't mind."

"Ellis and King T'Challa."

"Can you tell us the last thing you remember?" The doctor asked her.

A frown took over Karina's face as she tried to think back on her last memory. She remembered talking to Sam and the building flashing emergency lights. She remembered undoing James from his cryostasis. Taking her marker she wrote, "Men came for James." Her hands became shaky when she remembered she had killed a man.

"Karina, do you remember anything else?" The doctor prodded gently.

Karina took a breath and winced as it hurt, but she wrote numbly, "I attacked one. The other stabbed me."

The doctor seemed to understand what had her down and thankfully didn't question for more details. "Okay. Karina, you have a nicked heart and lung. A couple millimeters I'm afraid we probably wouldn't be having this conversation." The doctor stated bluntly and Karina became all too aware of the stitches and tightness on her chest. "You coded three times on us. In plain terms you're very lucky, Ms. Karina. Now I've been made aware you are well versed in medical vernacular and have provided you with a more extensive overview of your care as well." The doctor slid over another copy of her medical record that Karina accepted graciously. "Now do you have any questions?" Karina shook her head. "Very well, you are going to be on bed rest for a while and in pain. If you need anything, I'm sure Mr. Barnes will be on top of it, but you can always use the call button. Now I will give you privacy and will be back in about an hour."

When the doctor left the room and the nurse took down the X-rays and left too, Karina became aware that Steve was in the room as he stood up from his seat with a smile. "I'm glad you pulled through." Karina smiled gratefully at him and surprised him when she opened her arms out for a hug.

With everything that happened she and Steve did grow close and she appreciated his company and drive while Bucky was under. Steve gave her a gentle hug and she was sure she heard a soft clearing of the throat coming from James as Steve pulled away declaring he was going to tell everyone of her status. She snickered at the tiny display of jealousy – possessiveness – coming from James.

Karina reclined back in her bed and looked over to James who was staring at where her X-rays were once placed. Her cool hand enclosed around his warm bicep drawing his eyes towards her.

"It wasn't your fault," she croaked going into a mini coughing fit.

"Jesus, Karina," he muttered as he handed her ice chips. "You shouldn't be talking."

She rolled her eyes as she sucked on some ice chips. She even made a point to make exaggerated sucking sounds which only made him narrow his eyes at her.

She grabbed her erase board and wrote, "Lay down with me."

He read her words with his blank expression, but she saw him tense up slightly. Yet, he didn't make a move. Turning the board back to her she added, "I missed you."

She did miss him. It was almost pathetic how much she did. Karina used to pride herself on not ever needing someone – a man – the way she needed James.

When he was under, she coped. She lived the best she could with being in Wakanda. But she knew as the days, weeks, months, and even possible years would've gone by, she would've of not been happy. It would weigh on her heavily that James would still be in a fucking freezer while she lived and enjoyed life that best she could.

Plus loving someone was a funny and sometimes disgusting thing.

His blue eyes softened as he smiled weakly and she knew he had accepted defeat. He exhaled a breath as he moved to get into her bed, "I think the doctor will be mad at me."

Karina only shrugged her shoulders as James moved gently behind her being mindful of her injuries. Once she settled she took his left hand that was spread out behind her and moved it wrap around her front and clutched his metal hand. She laid her head on his chest as she listened to his heartbeat, a sound she longed to hear and she knew it wouldn't take long before the sound would lull her to sleep.

"Wanda told me about what you and her came up with. The doctors say it might work." James informed her. Karina lifted her head up and peeked at him through her eyelashes. He continued, "I'm going to do it, but they said I still need to go to therapy and stuff." He told her with a slight smile.

Karina smiled as she squeezed his metal hand gently before she grabbed her board to write him something.

"Could you hear anything while you were under?"

He looked taken back by the question as he read it and looked back up into her eyes. "Sometimes I think I do." He answered. "Why?"

Karina shrugged her shoulders as stating no reason, but James wasn't accepting that.

"I already know Steve was probably down there talking to me. Were you down there too?"

"You think I wasn't?" She responded back on her board.

"I think at first, no, but you probably came down eventually."

Karina didn't say anything but yawned which caused her to wince in pain and immediately press her morphine button.

"You okay?" He questioned.

Karina gestured to her injuries with a grimace and another yawn.

"Come on, lay back down."

Abandoning her board, she spoke in a hoarse voice, "Will you –'

"I'll be here when you wake up."

Her eyes looking over his face that was colored with exhaustion and she knew he probably hadn't slept since he woke up. Her cool hands cupped his stubbled cheek forcing him to look at her, "I love you, James."

It wasn't the most romantic setting considering she was in a hospital bed recovering from severe injuries and he was still a soldier with some severe PTSD and had a lot to work on. But it didn't change the fact she wouldn't change anything about him or her. Even though their history was shitty in regards to Hydra, she wouldn't change anything because it would've led her to right here and he was worth all of it.

His face relaxed and his eyes held a sparkle she didn't think she ever saw from him. He tightened his hold on her as his lips grazed the crown of her head, her forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally her lips.

"I love you too, Doll." He told her with a smile on his lips.

Karina couldn't help the goofy smile that overtook her features and she knew her cheeks would enflamed as she looked back up at him. She leaned forward and pressed a more eager kiss to his lips which he returned for a few seconds, but seemed to have better control of himself than she did.

He pressed a softer kiss to her lips and Karina tucked herself back into him. She felt his metal hand rub her back softly as she listened to his heart beat. It wasn't long before her eyelids shuttered closed and she fell into a peaceful sleep.


	24. Worth It

_Year Later_

Bucky walked through the door, of his little cabin, and his body was instantly hit with relief from the cold air from the central air. Despite it being December, Wakanda still felt like the Sahara desert. The one thing he did appreciate about T'Challa granting them asylum was he could freely wear short sleeve shirts while working.

In Romania, the heat didn't bother him as much despite wearing long sleeves, but he believed if he wore the same apparel he did there here, he would suffer from a heat stroke that Karina was always worried about. Luckily, the Wakanda nation valued privacy and he was very grateful.

He quickly took off his construction boots and his black snapback and placed each of them on their respective racks. He took his hair out the hair tie that kept his hair locked in a small bun. He knew it was time to just let Karina cut his hair again. He could tell she was itching too, but she hadn't made a fuss about it. While he raked his flesh fingers through his hair, he listened intently to see if anyone was in the house as it was deathly quiet. Despite Karina's car out front she could've walked over to Steve's place or outside, but then he heard the loud slapping of paws against the hardwood floor racing towards him.

Bucky couldn't help but snort as the puppy ended up losing his footing and all but slid across the floor to his feet. The dog wasn't deterred by its clumsiness as it immediately began yelping and trying to jump up to lick his face and fingers.

Bucky could admit he had a love hate relationship with the tan little boerboel puppy. He hated that the dog liked to make a chew toy out of everything his little teeth could find and couldn't understand the use of a doggy door to go outside to handle his business. However, considering he got the dog for Karina, and he partially took into account the words of his therapist, Dr. Adisa, who pointed out a dog could also help with his recovery.

It took a while for Bucky to actually find a dog he liked and he hoped Karina would love. So after researching almost all type of dog breeds there were in the world, he eventually settled on the African Boerboel, or most commonly known as the South African Mastiff. The only selling point was it's sole original purpose of breeding was for it being known for protecting the homestead and to him it was a perfect fit considering Karina found a new hobby in gardening. She was home a lot more than him. She had taken a step back from working in the biomedical engineering department. She helped out occasionally and he was slightly worried that she was changing her life around for him, but she assured him it was something she wanted to do. Plus, despite T'Challa's security measures, Bucky was still paranoid and he didn't like she was alone most of the day.

So after visiting a pet store with Steve, as Sam long abandoned the trips as Bucky was too picky, he found the small adorable – Karina's words – vermin, now named Champion.

Bucky immediately began regretting his decision in getting the little shit when he first decided to piss in the house, on furniture, and clothes and tried to sleep in the same bed as him and Karina, but Karina was smitten with the slobbering canine. The dog was literally like her baby. Not even a day after they got the dog, Karina spent nearly $400 dollars in buying toys and _clothes_ for the thing. T'Challa was generous in making sure they lived comfortably, but Bucky thought that was way too much for a little animal.

Bucky picked up the dog by its neck, gently of course, and let the dog lick its face before he held it out in front of him. Champion was still determined to lick something of his as it tried to reach his metal limb and lick the parts its tongue could reach. Considering how usually Champion and Karina were attached at the hip, he was surprised he didn't hear the soft padding of feet following Champion's greeting.

He looked into Champion's deep brown eyes as the dog looked at him with a excited eyes, "Where's your mother?"

As if the dog understood him, which he did, the dog began wiggling out of his grasp and ran up the stairs. Bucky followed the little puppy up the stairs quietly where the dog made his way to the master bedroom. Champion walked through the small opening that was big enough to fit him. Bucky smiled as he heard Karina jump at Champion's abrupt arrival in their bedroom before he made his way in. And as he scanned the room out of habit to see if anything was amiss, he jumped slightly as Karina came barreling over to him her arms wrapped around his neck as she planted a sweet kiss to his lips that he barely had time to return before she leaned back down. But considering her abrupt greeting, his hands went back to her waist pulling her back up to him where he pressed a more eager and deeper kiss to her full lips that caused her to smile against his lips.

But of course, the little shit, was barking at their feet, Karina pushed him back slightly as she smiled at the puppy than back to him. He still held her in his arms though. His hands rested on her hips.

"You're all sweaty," she said as she ran a hand through his damp hair.

"Never heard you complain before," he quipped which caused her to roll her green eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She seemed to be content in his arms.

He took the time to really look over her.

Since they settled in Wakanda permanently, Karina had cut her once long hair to a wavy bob that reached the top of her shoulders. Also, her skin had become incredibly tan from her working outside spending most of the day in her garden. Bucky could admit he liked seeing her in her tiny shorts and crop tops. Some days she would forgo a shirt and simply wear a sports bra. Although his favorite look was when she wore her overalls with a straw hat looking like a little farmer.

But today, he noticed she was in one of her nicer light blue sundresses, reminiscent of the one they went to the carnival in, and she had make up coating her face. He thought the make-up was unnecessary considering she was beautiful without it, but he could admit he did like how it made her eyes stand out more.

"Why are you all dolled up?" He asked as his hands tightened around her hips. His eyes zoomed in on her chest which seemed slightly more pronounced and unaware of it, he licked his lips at the sight of her breast nearly spilling out of her top.

"Nat and Clint are in town, so we're heading over to Steve's place." She informed him as she stealthy got out of his hold and picked up Champion who began licking her face. "Champ and I will be downstairs waiting while you take a shower and get rid of all that saw dust."

Bucky nodded his head before he scrunched up his nose. "You're taking _him_ with us?"

Karina gave him an unamused look as she clutched the little shit closer to her chest, "Yes, Nat and Clint haven't met our _baby_."

Now it was his turn to roll his blue eyes and didn't exactly dispute her statement. "You're spoiling him." Bucky stated matter-of-factly.

"Jealous?" Bucky gave her an incredulous stare at the suggestion. She giggled, walked close to him, stood on her tippy toes, and placed a chaste kiss to his lips, "Don't worry you're still the number one man in my life and I'm cutting your hair too."

* * *

 

Bucky watched with half amused eyes as Karina showed off Champion to Natasha with Wanda standing next to her. He tried not to laugh at the fact Champion was trying to make work of chewing on Natasha's bracelet that held her widow bites. Natasha held a similar expression he had when the little shit was being overbearing, but he could see the smile in Natasha's eyes as Karina gushed over her _baby_.

More so as he watched Champion warm up to Nat, he was questioning how his guard dog didn't even give a questionable sniff to their new arrivals.

"So the feared assassin has become domesticated. Hopefully you don't become _rusty."_

Bucky turned his head to find Clint a few feet behind him with a cold beer in his hand. Bucky only rolled his eyes at Clint's attempt at a joke – pun – he honestly didn't know at this point. So for the sake of his sanity, he decided to ignore it. "How long are you and Natasha staying?"

"Whenever she feels like leaving." Clint stated absentmindedly.

"I didn't know Nat had you by the balls." Bucky muttered.

Clint's eye flashed mischievously and Bucky really didn't want to know the meaning behind that before a smile stretched across his face and a chuckled escaped his throat. "So how are you doing? You know after Wanda helped ya out?"

Bucky took a generous sip of his beverage at that question. Since his fail stint under cryo and after Karina's injury, being who he was and wanting to protect Karina himself, he did take Karina and Wanda's offer.

After three months of therapy and the help of Wanda, under the guidance of the Wakanda doctors, Wanda was able to successfully break the Hydra programming in his mind while giving him all his memories back _vividly_. It wasn't a particularly fun process considering Wanda was able to see all his past deeds as they both relived them, but it worked. It certainly wasn't all fine and dandy. He still had weekly therapy sessions and working helped keep him busy from getting lost in his thoughts too much. But he could trust his mind. He trusted himself around Karina, Steve, and everyone. He wasn't a threat and that red notebook wasn't a threat to his sanity.

But he took it one day at a time.

"I'm good. Can't complain." Bucky settled on. He really couldn't and he would be happy with anything as long as Karina was in his life. She helped make everything better. She helped him recover.

"Steve trying to recruit you?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. Despite being fugitives, Steve, Sam, and Wanda would occasionally leave Wakanda to go help with disasters. He wasn't sure how that worked out with all the heat and eyes looking for them, but despite how much the United Nations and Ross wanted them apprehended on site, it seemed people were having buyer's remorse when it came to the Accords. A lot of the places Steve, Sam, and Wanda went were places the United Nations declared didn't seem to need enhanced individuals assistance when they did.

As usual, Steve was causing trouble. But this time, as much as Bucky wanted to help, and he did go on one mission, it wasn't his life anymore.

"If Steve still needs my help, of course I'll be there, but it's just me anymore." Bucky answered as he looked at Karina and Natasha talking. It wasn't. He knew he could take a few heavy punches more than most and with the serum and his arm, he knew there was some responsibility in having abilities as his, but for now, he wanted to enjoy his life in Wakanda with Karina.

"So should we expect wedding invitations, little Buckys running around soon?" Clint asked abruptly causing him to choke on his drink.

Bucky couldn't stop the cough that escaped his throat. He wiped away the dribble of beer that spilled from his lips and was making it's way down his chin. Bucky was at a loss for words. Bucky wouldn't deny it and say he hadn't thought about having a family back than during the 40s and even now as he and Karina settled into their relationship. But he had too much baggage to be a father. Sure, T'Challa was providing him asylum, but would he want to bring a child into this life. Having a child would meaning having to explain who he was and all his past sins and he didn't want to burden a child with that. And really thinking on it, he wasn't even sure he could have kids.

Additionally, Karina never said she wanted a family or even hinted at wanting more.

Bucky's inner thoughts were broken by Clint laughing, which he glared at him for.

"Have you and Nat talked about settling down?" Bucky countered.

Clint shrugged his shoulders dismissively. "Haven't we already?"

Bucky rolled his eyes as no one could ever get a serious answer out of the two, mainly Clint, when it came to their relationship. Nat just didn't even answer the question.

Instead, Bucky watched as Karina scratched Champion's belly while Wanda and Nat laughed at the sight of the dog revealing in the sensation. He smiled softly at Karina because both he and Champion were lucky to have someone Karina in their lives. It was hard to believe this was the same girl he met three years ago as Hydra puppet.

"You know you can have that."

Bucky turned his head towards Clint and looked at him inquisitively.

"You guys are settled here nicely in Wakanda, you're doing good and you deserve to be happy. You deserve to live."

Bucky was about to joke when did Clint turn into such a sentimental sap when their conversation was interrupted by a hyper Champion running over to them and jumping on his legs. He wasn't about to pick the dog up, but a familiar and welcomed scent of coconut invaded his senses as Karina walked over to him. He ignored Clint's mocking gag as he brought Karina into his arms as hers went around his waist.

Her emerald eyes were sparkling as she smiled up at him. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

Pulling back, she was smiling brightly at him and kissed him again as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest near his heart.

" _I love you, James_." She whispered to him in Russian.

" _I love you more."_

He loved her more than she would ever know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you who read this story left comments and subscribed to it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank You For Reading


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